Dating is somewhat of an adventure through a minefield, dodging all the wrong ones until you find that person who checks all your boxes. That said, no one is perfect, so more often than not we find ourselves happy with someone who checks most of those boxes. Whether it be on the first date or the third, both parties will inevitably face some hiccups along the way.Â
These harmless ‘beige flags’ aren’t worth writing someone off — but it will save a lot of time and heartache to know the difference between ‘beige flags’ and subtle behaviors that may be easy to ignore at first but signal a more insidious problem. My friend always says, “You have to teach a man how to treat you.” And I couldn’t agree more. Don’t accept being treated as if you, or your time, are anything less than valuable. Don’t tolerate poor treatment from anyone. And make that clear from day one.
Here are twelve low-quality behaviors that make quality women immediately dismiss a man:
1. Being obsessive about splitting everything
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As a relationship progresses, it’s ultimately up to the couple to decide what works for them in terms of paying for meals and dates. But if the person you’re seeing constantly keeps track of everything to ensure you do (and pay) your “fair share,” it means they’ll be surveilling your every move and measuring the give-and-take instead of giving out of love and respect.
2. Asking or expecting you the woman to pay on the first date
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While the debate wages on concerning who should pay on the first date, it’s generally believed that in heterosexual relationships, it’s the man’s responsibility to pick up the tab on a first date. Doing so is chivalrous, and a sign of respect for your time.
However, a 2008 survey found that it’s become more common for men to expect women to at least offer to chip in, and a good way for women to return the respect to the man they’re on a date with — perhaps just proceed with caution if he accepts your offer. If the relationship starts that way, it will likely remain that way.
3. Arriving late with no excuse or advance notice
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Things can happen unexpectedly that can cause a person to be late, and there are times we need to show grace to someone who’s not as punctual as we may like. However, it’s incredibly simple to send a quick text to someone when you’re running off schedule.
4. Not showing up at all when they said they would
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Even if he phones the next day or week, not showing up on a date — and giving zero explanation for his absence — is a red flag and the height of rudeness.
5. Constantly canceling or rescheduling dates
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Sometimes, things come up that require canceling or rescheduling. However, doing so consistently is a red flag and can be indicative of many things, such as someone who’s in a relationship that suddenly can’t get away from their partner for your date or someone who’s emotionally unavailable. You deserve someone willing and excited to spend time with you.
6. Lying about whereabouts
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A relationship is nothing without trust. You don’t need to keep track of someone’s every move, but if you can’t trust someone to be honest about where they are or what they’re doing, you can’t trust them with anything.
7. Lying about seeing other people
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During the dating stage, it’s perfectly fine — and expected — for each of you to date other people. However, once you decide to become intimate or exclusive, it’s critical that you’re honest with each other about other people who may be in your life.
8. They make sarcastic remarks that put you down
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Teasing you about your weight, intelligence or looks isn’t flirting — it’s emotional manipulation. “When somebody gives backhanded compliments and insults the other person,” dating coach Sabrina Zohar advises, “it makes somebody feel vulnerable and question themselves.”
9. They flirt or make inappropriate comments about other women
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As humans, we’re going to find ourselves physically attracted to other people when we’re dating or in a relationship. However, acting on that attraction is another thing.Â
10. They break promises
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What’s the point of being in a relationship with someone if you can’t depend on them? A relationship without trust can lead to negative outcomes like more conflict and anxiety, research from 2023 confirms.
11. They’re always asking you for money
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Everyone falls on hard times at some point. A relationship is a partnership, and sometimes we may need a little help from the other person. However, self-respecting people aren’t in the business of bank-rolling their partner for eternity.
12. They introduce you as a friend when you are in a relationship
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You should be proud to be with the person you’re with. Being introduced as a ‘friend’ when you’re clearly something more may be a sign that they want others to believe they’re romantically available.
If you feel upset or disrespected, no one has the right to say you’re too sensitive. Making a list of behaviors you find disrespectful is the first step to claiming your value and raising your worth, with yourself and in the world.
Rhonda Cort is the founder of The High Value Woman and CEO of Magnetic Woman International, a company specializing in helping female entrepreneurs enjoy a full love life.
