The continuing “war on aging” suggests that our country is hellbent on turning a normal and natural process into a conviction and (remaining) life sentence to obsolescence for anyone over 50. Medical science has been able to extend the lifespan of individuals while still pushing against the limits of the healthspan that we face.
The term lifespan refers to the number of years that we live, and healthspan refers to the number of healthy years we live disease-free. For many people, lifespans can extend years longer than healthspans, which can cause significant psychological distress in addition to the physical distress caused by an illness. It’s been estimated that there’s around a 9- or 10-year difference between lifespan and our healthspan for most of us (Garmany et al., 2021). This suggests the last decade of life is a tough one, and finding ways to enhance well-being throughout the lifespan is needed.
Recognizing that physical health is just one component of overall well-being, and not something we can fully protect, control, or predict, it is important to explore other aspects of well-being that are more within our control. The World Health Organization (WHO) supports the inclusion of sexual health as an essential component of comprehensive well-being. The organization went on to define sexual health as “a state of physical, emotional, mental, and social well-being related to sexuality, not merely the absence of disease dysfunction or infirmity.” This applies to adults throughout the lifespan—and there is a great deal of research indicating the ways in which sexual health in older adulthood influences well-being.
Taking Risks and Celebrating the Risqué
I teach a lifespan development course and there’s always a lecture that addresses older adult development and what contributes to older adults’ well-being. One of the students mentioned that their grandmother had skydived for the first time at 80 years of age. Later during the presentation, when a slide noted the benefits of sexual activity, this same student had more to share about his grandmother. Grandma had a substantial collection of VHS porn movies that she hid in the cases that formerly housed benign Disney movies.
What this anecdote shows us is that there is joy to be found when people are able to embrace all aspects of themselves throughout their lives. My own research on friendships has shown the immense value of social connection to well-being, and the need for social support doesn’t evaporate as we age. It turns out that in addition to social connection, connection to one’s sexuality can play a role in ensuring the adjustment to aging goes a little smoother (Miguel et al., 2024).
Researchers checked in with older adults in multiple countries and invited them to discuss their sexual activity. In describing the ways in which they experience and express their sexuality, von Humboldt and her colleagues (2020) heard the following themes arise in these discussions:
- Tenderness and care: Being thoughtful of a partner’s needs and being tender and sensitive to what their partner likes.
- Altruism and gratitude: Celebrating the gifts you receive and meeting the needs of a partner.
- Attractiveness: As people age, they may feel less attractive or desirable, but people often see their aging partner as if they were as young as when they first met them and feel a sexual pull towards them.
- Sexual activity: This can be anything from a gentle touch to intercourse; kissing, embracing, petting, and fondling are included, as well.
- Supportive relationships: An emotionally supportive partner capable of intimacy can make all the difference.
- Eroticism: Being sensual and erotically touching or speaking to your partner or using an erotic gaze can bring pleasure, even if consummating arousal with actual intercourse is more than one of you can manage.
- Feeling active and alive: Sex is invigorating and regenerative—to be found desirable by your partner is like a tonic for the soul.
What Else Do We Know?
It’s true that sexual satisfaction and sexual activity are related to overall well-being. Fortunately, it turns out that while not everyone is able to engage in traditional sexual intercourse, the engagement and enjoyment of other types of sexual intimacy and contact also contribute to well-being (Skalacka & Gerymski, 2018). In addition, it’s true that for older adults who value sexual activity and find pleasure in it are likely to enjoy greater longevity (Beerepoot et al., 2022). As people age, the ability to engage in “bedroom acrobatics” may diminish, but it’s not about the “act” itself—it’s more about “making it work” in whatever way is doable, meaningful, and pleasurable for you and your partner.
