So women are funny creatures. We can have lots of men liking us, date us, and enjoy having fun with them and think nothing of it. But as soon as we meet a guy we like, we can’t help but obsess about dating.
We wonder if he will like us back and if he will call when he’ll call, should we text or wait till he texts? It can be excruciatingly painful waiting for that phone to beep, even if the phone does beep, the only person we want to hear from is the guy we are madly in love with.
Here are five phrases that can change your love life — for the better
1. ‘My feelings are normal’
Obsessive thinking when you are a girl is normal. So congratulate yourself, you are just like every other intelligent female. As suggested by a study in Educational Psychology Review, some of the most intelligent and successful leaders in the world think obsessively. They analyze everything.
That is what makes them great for what they do. Their attention to detail means they can prepare for any disaster and get the best people to carry out the task at hand. So, just look at it this way: your obsessive thinking is preparing you for all scenarios, just in case.
2. ‘The discomfort will pass’
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The personal growth experts don’t always tell you this: We live in a world where everyone tells you if you focus on being happy, your whole life will work out, and that is all it takes. Sorry, but that is just one big lie.
When you are uncomfortable, you enter the world of the unknown. Entering the world of the unknown makes you feel ugly inside, and all those negative thoughts come bubbling up to the surface to haunt you. That is what uncomfortable is.
Uncomfortable feels horrible, but here is the good news: instead of fighting what is, understand that your experience is normal, as in like everybody else. Then, all you have to do is keep on, keep on, and understand that these bad feelings will pass.
3. ‘The most important skills take practice’
Now that you have embraced these negative feelings, you have got to inject some self-discipline. Like the athlete who is training for the Olympics, you need to eat the right food and carry out the appropriate exercise to get the desired result. A study in the Personal Relationships Journal helps show how dating is no different. All you have to do with a guy you like is practice good dating skills and leave the rest up to the Universe to figure out.
So let him ask you for a second date, mirror his actions between the dates, just show up to the date as a fun, positive, and enjoyable person to be with, and remember this — you are dating to see if he is a fit for you. That’s it.
4. ‘There are plenty of fish in the sea’
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Think abundance, not scarcity — if it doesn’t work out, who cares there is always another guy. As long as you are focusing on being the best date you can be and are out there dating often. Guess what, it will click.
Every guy leads you closer to the right guy. So get out of that poor me, and this will never work mindset and start thinking abundance. This can happen to me.
5. ‘It’s my life, I’m living it my way’
You have already lived 21, 31, 41, or how many years without him and survived just fine. Think about why you couldn’t go another couple of years without him, of course you could. Remember, everything in life is based on your mindset, so focus on your success instead of your failures. Focus on fully living your life and allow him to be the bonus, not the necessity.
We know about all the great advice there is out there about being a woman of confidence and keeping yourself busy, but that is all hard to do. We obsess about what to say and when to say it if we say it right.
Whether we look desperate or if we are not showing enough interest, we even obsess about how the relationship is going to end when we break up with him and how we will deal with that. As you can see, we obsess about everything.
Meanwhile, we feel like we can’t tell anybody we have all these illogical thoughts in our head because we so desperately want our relationship to work out, we make it worse by not sharing with our friends in case they judge or laugh at us.
Believe me when I tell you that obsession is normal, and you won’t end up emotionally unstable, please do take some comfort in that.
Everybody, especially us women, obsesses all the time when we worry about things when we enter the unknown and, of course, when the hottest guy in our town is asking us out. Happily ever after is what we have been dreaming about since childhood, of course, our minds are going to go a little illogical, as supported by a series of studies published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. So here’s the great good news — you are just like everybody else, normal, phew!
Try focusing on your dating skills, think raining men, and go live your bold life, and that, my friend, is how you cure the obsessive bug. Enjoy your love life and enjoy men. Obsession is just part of the course.
Lorna Poole is an international coach and professional speaker. She empowers women to love beyond fear, pain, and regret to attract the partner they truly deserve.
