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You’ve likely heard the age-old saying, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” As cliché as it is, this holds true in many situations. There are definitely moments when certain thoughts, opinions, or observations are better left unsaid to avoid unnecessary pain or conflict. But when it comes to a romantic relationship, bottling up certain uncomfortable thoughts can do more harm than good. In fact, there are some things that, while difficult to express, should always be spoken about openly.
Here are three of them, and why they should be voiced rather than kept inside.
1. If You’re Upset With Them
It’s all too easy to sweep things under the rug when you’re upset with your partner—especially if it’s something minor. You may fear starting a fight over what seems like nothing or feel that it’s just not worth mentioning. As a result, you might give the silent treatment, withdraw, or simply avoid the conversation altogether. However, as we know all too well, unresolved frustrations don’t just disappear; they only fester beneath the surface.
A 2022 study sheds light on why we’re tempted to avoid discussing our grievances. According to the research, people often keep quiet for a number of reasons, including the following:
- Distancing themselves from the emotional pain
- Expressing their frustration without directly confronting it
- Punishing their partner by withholding communication
- Hoping their partner will figure out what’s wrong on their own
- Avoiding the risk of hurting their partner’s feelings
While these reasons may seem valid in the moment, they ultimately prioritize your comfort over the well-being of the relationship. Using silence to deal with problems might temporarily avoid conflict, but it rarely leads to resolution. In fact, when you withdraw emotionally, it only serves to create confusion and anxiety for your partner—who may not even realize what they’ve done to upset you.
Consider how it feels when you’re on the receiving end of the silent treatment. You’re left in the dark, wondering what went wrong and why your partner seems distant. This lack of communication can make small issues feel much bigger than they may actually be in reality. Instead, it’s much healthier to bring up your concerns—no matter how minor they seem.
This approach opens the door to a productive conversation where both of you can address the issue together, rather than letting it simmer in silence. By speaking up, you show respect for both your partner and the relationship itself—and, better yet, give them a chance to understand and respond to your feelings.
2. If You’re Feeling in Need of Reassurance
Everyone has moments when they crave a little extra love and reassurance. Whether it’s needing to hear that you’re still loved, appreciated, or desired, seeking validation is a normal part of any relationship. Yet, many people hold back out of fear of seeming needy, clingy, or insecure. Asking questions like “Do you still love me?” or “Am I still attractive to you?” can feel awkward and vulnerable—but this need for reassurance is far from embarrassing.
Seeking reassurance is not a sign of weakness. In fact, it can actually be a healthy and important aspect of relationship maintenance. A 2021 study from Japanese Psychological Research found that seeking reassurance plays a significant role in maintaining both partners’ emotional connection and relationship satisfaction. For both long-term and short-term relationships, reassurance-seeking behaviors were linked to increased relationship satisfaction and maintenance behaviors.
In simpler terms, expressing your need for reassurance can result in the desired effect, as well as bring you closer together. When you ask for validation, you’re giving your partner the opportunity to meet your emotional needs and show their care in a tangible way. This can result in more frequent gestures of love, affection, and support—which, in turn, benefits both partners and the relationship itself.
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Conversely, bottling up your insecurities can leave you feeling lonely and resentful. If your partner doesn’t know you’re struggling with insecurities, they won’t have the chance to reassure you. Over time, these unspoken feelings can grow, and you’ll only feel more isolated. Instead of allowing those negative thoughts to spiral, it’s worth being open about your emotional needs—no matter how vulnerable it may feel.
3. If You’re Questioning the Relationship
Doubts about a relationship can be unsettling, and it’s common to feel afraid of voicing them. Maybe you’re worried that your partner is losing interest, or perhaps you’ve started to wonder if you have long-term compatibility. Whatever the reason, it’s easy to push these thoughts aside, telling yourself they’re just a phase—or worse, keeping them to yourself until you feel it’s too late to fix things.
This tendency to avoid difficult conversations is not uncommon. A study published in Human Communication Research found that couples who didn’t communicate their relationship doubts were significantly more likely to break up. The researchers even found that they could predict uncertainty-driven breakups with 90 percent accuracy over a three-month period. On the other hand, partners who openly discussed their concerns with each other—and even sought advice from friends and family—tended to resolve their uncertainties and stay together.
The takeaway here is clear: You don’t have to keep your relationship doubts hidden. By communicating your concerns, you open the door to addressing them as a team. If you’re worried that your partner is losing interest or that your relationship is on shaky ground, it’s better to share those feelings than to let them eat away at you.
While it might be scary to admit these doubts out loud, there’s a strong chance that your partner is feeling something similar or that they can offer reassurance you hadn’t considered. Even if the conversation is difficult, it gives you both the chance to explore whether these doubts are fleeting or indicative of deeper issues that need to be worked on.
A version of this post also appears on Forbes.com.
