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Many children around the world experience trauma. They are abused physically, mentally, or sexually—all widely used forms of abuse. When children who are abused grow up, they will either become abusers or they will find themselves in abusive relationships. This is part of what is known as generational trauma.
Generational Trauma Defined
Many people have heard of adverse childhood experiences, ACEs. These experiences shape a child’s mental and even physical health in the future. Research on ACEs shows that childhood experiences carry into adult lives and can even shape future relationships.
There are other ways that children are traumatized. Some children have to take care of their siblings because of absent parents, and some children don’t know where their next meal will come from because their families can’t afford basic needs. Such trauma is cumulative and can carry into the child’s adult life.
A common illustration of generational trauma: A person’s grandfather is abusive to them—physically, mentally, or sexually—that person then grows up and has a family and treats their children in the same way. Finally, that person’s children grow up and get into abusive relationships themselves. They might not even recognize that the relationship is abusive; however, people on the outside may say that they are in an abusive relationship.
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Passing Down the Trauma
Cidem Bilgin and Ozturk conducted a study examining the effects of childhood trauma on mental health and family functioning; they found that trauma affects a child’s mental health and family functioning, and it is passed throughout the family.
How can a person who is treated poorly pass that same treatment on to the rest of their family as they grow older? Much of the problem lies in the way children learn.
When children are developing, they learn by example. They follow the leadership and examples set by adults in their lives. If a child sees that people need to be physically punished or that somebody is frustrated and taking it out on others, they learn that this is the proper way to handle their emotions.
This leads to children taking the lessons that they have learned about abuse and passing those lessons on to their children. If a person grows up in an environment where there is only anger and violence, then that is the only way to raise their own families. If a person grows up in an environment where they are left alone to fend for themselves, then that is the only way to conduct themselves when they raise their own families.
Fonagy, Campbell, and Luyten note that children who are exposed to trauma often have difficulty with attachment. Research and experience show that people who are exposed to trauma as children will frequently get into unhealthy relationships as adults. They, in turn, expose their children to trauma, even if they are unaware of their behavior. It is passed down.
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Putting the Brakes on Trauma
The good news is that a person can stop generational trauma. Through therapy and exposure to healthy relationships, there is hope that such trauma can end in the current generation. The problem: Many people don’t know what a healthy relationship looks like.
Healthy relationships can be modeled in therapy by building the therapeutic relationship. Building a therapeutic relationship is essential to treatment because it is the first step in building trust and comfort with a client. A therapist can start to model and describe a healthy relationship and make the working space a safe environment for the client—this can be therapeutic for a person who has been through a lifetime of trauma.
I remember speaking briefly about my wife going on vacation, and the client was surprised that I had not checked on her the entire time she was gone. This client had been in a relationship where the other person was very controlling; her idea of freedom was foreign. This person gained a little bit of hope when she saw another way to live her life. She could heal from her trauma.
Modeling and building the therapeutic relationship, as well as creating a safe place for therapy, are essential to assist a person in healing from their trauma. If a person feels safe and comfortable with their therapist, they are more likely to be receptive to interventions and break the trauma cycle.
Conclusion
Trauma is a tricky subject; it becomes ingrained in people, and it can be challenging to see hope in healing. There is hope that generational trauma can stop with you, and you can, in turn, provide a healthy and productive life for your family and their future families down the road. Don’t let generational trauma define what your family will look like for years to come.
