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Grief is one of the most profound human experiences, yet it is often accompanied by a pervasive sense of confusion, disorientation, and even purposelessness. As a Doctor of Integrative Health and Psychology, I have seen grief manifest in many forms—from the loss of loved ones to less tangible but equally impactful losses such as of a career, an identity, or even a way of life. The process of moving from grief to acceptance is complex, deeply personal, and layered with emotions. However, within that journey lies an opportunity to find new meaning and purpose and elevate to a new chapter of life.
In my years of studying forgiveness, emotional release, and Ho’oponopono, I have come to recognize that grief, when it is processed in a healthy manner, can be a gateway to profound personal transformation. Grief will always be a part of our lives. Learning to accept it, and ultimately finding new meaning beyond the pain, is key to healing.
The Nature of Grief and the Need for Acceptance
Grief is not a singular emotion but rather an amalgamation of emotions—anger, sadness, fear, guilt, hurt—that can come in waves. It doesn’t follow a linear path. This is where the commonly cited “stages of grief” (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance) can be misleading. People often believe that if they just make it to “acceptance,” they will be done with grief, but acceptance is not the end of the journey; it’s just one turning point among many.
Acceptance does not mean forgetting, nor does it mean that the pain is erased. Instead, it means acknowledging that loss is a part of your life story and that despite the pain, life continues. The challenge, however, lies in finding meaning amid the loss. This is often the most difficult part of the grief journey because we are conditioned to believe that loss is a void rather than a space in which new growth can occur.
Finding Meaning in Loss
Viktor Frankl, a Holocaust survivor and psychotherapist, famously wrote about finding meaning in suffering. His book Man’s Search for Meaning highlights how even in the most horrific circumstances, the search for purpose can provide a sense of peace and direction. Frankl believed that meaning is not something we find outside of ourselves but something we create internally, often as a response to our deepest pain.
In the context of grief, finding meaning after loss doesn’t mean glossing over the pain or “moving on” in the traditional sense. It means asking ourselves, “What now? What do I do with the love I still have, with the memories, with the lessons learned?” For many, this involves a process of reframing—seeing loss not as the end of something but as a transition that offers new possibilities.
For example, a person who loses a spouse might initially feel that their life has lost its purpose. But through time, reflection, and emotional processing and release techniques like those I’ve written about in Mental and Emotional Release® or the principles in Ho’oponopono: Your Path to True Forgiveness, they may come to realize that the love they shared with their spouse can be carried forward in different ways. Perhaps it inspires them to volunteer, to write, or to support others going through similar losses. This doesn’t diminish the significance of their loss but allows them to continue living with purpose.
Integrating the Loss
The integration of loss into one’s life is critical in moving from grief to acceptance. One powerful way to do this is through the practice of gratitude. While it may seem impossible to feel gratitude in the depths of grief, gratitude can help shift the focus from what has been lost to what remains. This is not about ignoring the pain but rather acknowledging that even in the midst of loss, there are moments of light.
In my own experience with Ho’oponopono—the ancient Hawaiian practice of forgiveness and reconciliation—I have seen how healing occurs when we forgive not only others but also ourselves for any perceived shortcomings in the grieving process. Often, people hold onto guilt: “I should have done more” or “I could have prevented this.” The truth is, grief is not about perfection, and neither is healing. The act of self-forgiveness is an essential step in integrating loss and moving toward acceptance.
Another tool I encourage is mindfulness. In grief, the mind often dwells in the past or fears the future. Mindfulness brings us back to the present, where we can honor our emotions without being consumed by them. Through mindful awareness, we can learn to sit with grief, acknowledging its presence without letting it overwhelm us. This can open the door to acceptance.
The Role of Purpose in Healing
One of the most profound ways to heal from grief is to find new purpose. This doesn’t necessarily mean embarking on a life-changing mission—though for some, it might—but rather seeking ways to re-engage with life meaningfully. For some, this might mean channeling their grief into helping others, whether by starting a support group, writing about their experiences, or even making small acts of kindness part of their daily routine. The ways people channel their grief into purpose will differ based on the person; there isn’t a cookie cutter approach to discovering your purpose. As I discuss in my book, Find Your Purpose, Master Your Path, finding purpose is deeply personal, but it always involves moving beyond the self. When we are grieving, our world becomes very small, focused inward on our own pain. Purpose pulls us outward, allowing us to connect with others and with something larger than ourselves. This outward focus helps to alleviate the isolation that often accompanies grief.
Embracing the Future
Finding meaning after loss is not about minimizing the significance of what has been lost but rather about expanding one’s capacity to live a fulfilling life despite it. It’s about accepting that while grief changes us, it does not define us. The memories, the love, and even the pain all become part of a richer, more textured life.
The journey from grief to acceptance is a deeply personal one. For some, it may take months; for others, years. But through self-reflection, forgiveness, and mindfulness, it is possible to move forward. By finding purpose in the wake of loss, we can transform grief from something that holds us back into something that propels us toward a future filled and charged with new meaning.
In the end, grief is not something to “get over” but something to integrate into our life story to empower us to move forward. It becomes part of who we are, shaping our path but not controlling it. Acceptance is not the absence of pain, but the willingness to live with it and still find joy, connection, and purpose.
