Most dating experiences aren’t straightforward journeys from your first meet to a romantic engagement dinner. And many daters don’t have great communication habits, so their intentions and desires aren’t obvious.
It can be confusing trying to figure out where things are going or if they’re even going anywhere at all. So, what are the signs that your fling might have a future … and what might be misinterpretations? And what are promising signs of a future that you actually can trust?
Here are six promising signs that mean your fling might have long-term potential:
1. You have long, deep conversations
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Having deep, meaningful conversations about your lives is a great way to create emotional intimacy. And with the right person, it can be a great start to a wonderful relationship. However, there are plenty of daters who desire this type of connection but are not emotionally available for something more.
We had a client who was dating a man who had been recently separated. They spoke every day, shared many laughs, and had a great connection — but he never moved things forward. Instead, he used the situation to heal his broken heart from his divorce and to feel better about himself. He just wasn’t emotionally available for a deeper commitment.
A promising sign — you’ve made it through your first fight. It’s impossible to avoid conflict and misunderstandings that happen when you spend time together. If either of you is ready to call it quits with the first bump in the road, then things aren’t serious between the two of you.
However, if you both have a strong desire to clear things up, repair, and reconnect, then the relationship has legs. Remember, conflict is inevitable, and choosing to move past a conflict and connect more deeply is a sign that a fling might get serious.
Couples who spend more time talking together report greater satisfaction and closeness in their relationships, according to a 2022 study.
2. You text each extremely frequently
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Frequent texting can seem promising. You wake up to a good morning text and receive check-ins throughout the day. It’s easy to assume that this person is hot for you, right? The problem with text communication is that it is very convenient and requires very little commitment.
You may like to text each other and have someone to share your day with, but since it requires very little energy it isn’t a reliable sign that a fling has a real future. It’s also very easy to fill in the blanks and assign a tone to text communication. This means that you are filtering the text message slanting it either positively or negatively. Either way, the communication itself is not being received as intended.
A promising sign — you’re open about your emotions. Sharing your feelings and not just your thoughts allows you both to be vulnerable.
When you both openly share how you feel, and express yourselves authentically, then things are getting more serious. Love requires risk and sharing how you feel can be scary. If you’re both willing to risk and speak about how you feel about each other then your relationship can grow into being serious.
A 2015 study found that texting can complement traditional face-to-face communication and benefit relationships. For example, texting can allow people to stay connected while maintaining autonomy.
3. He showers you with attention and gifts
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Gifts and heavy attention too early in the dating process can be a red flag. Some men come on strong because they don’t want to be alone. He may want to WOW you and take you off the market, but if you don’t know each other yet, he can be wasting your time. He may not be an ideal match for you.
Enjoy the attention, and appreciate the gifts, but don’t mistake them for something more. It takes time to get to know if the two of you are a match long-term. There’s no secret shortcut or crystal ball that will reveal how the two of you will face challenges together.
A promising sign — you’re getting to know each other’s friends and family. In a casual relationship, you just hang out and see each other last minute when it’s convenient.
A clear sign a fling has a future is meeting each other’s friends or spending time with family. The desire to introduce one another to your inner circle is a definite sign the other person sees a future for you two.
Keeping a relationship on the down-low, or delaying introducing friends and family is a great way to keep things casual. That way if nothing comes of it, you won’t have to explain to everyone what happened. The more you’re involved in each other’s lives, the more serious the relationship is.
4. He invites you on trips and to events
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If he’s inviting you out to the theatre, concerts, or weekend getaways enjoy the time together, but don’t make assumptions that he is serious about you yet. Just because you spend a lot of time together doesn’t mean that things are getting serious. You don’t want to just be his Plus One.
He may simply want companionship. Be mindful of abandoning your friends, and your already scheduled plans to make room for his desires. There is a big difference between a man getting tickets to see your favorite band, versus the guy who is inviting you along because he bought two tickets months ago before you knew each other.
Don’t count the hours you spend together as evidence of a future together, instead pay attention to what happens as time goes on.
A promising sign — he makes plans with you for the future. If he’s asking you out in advance, plan spending holidays together in advance, or taking a trip you plan out together, then the relationship is getting serious.
Casual relationships are all about the present moment. When you start making longer-term plans, you may have a future together.
Couples who do newer, engaging, challenging, and exciting things together while on vacation report higher romantic passion and physical intimacy after vacations, according to a recent study published in Annals of Tourism Research Empirical Insights. Self-expanding experiences happen in many ways and situations that do not have to be complex, costly, or complicated when new, engaging, adventurous, romantic, and humorous experiences will do.
5. You feel jealous at the thought of him with anyone else
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Some people think jealousy means their heart is invested. If you’re succumbing to the green-eyed monster — wondering who he’s with, who he’s texting, and worrying about his attractive co-worker it’s more likely a sign of insecurity rather than a budding romance.
Jealousy means you’re fearful you will lose love. If you’re coming from fear there is no space for love to blossom. Look through your relationship history to see if this is a pattern of yours, and if it’s not you may discover that he’s been hiding things from you and your intuition is spot on. Either way, feeling jealous is not a sign that things are getting more serious between the two of you.
A promising sign — you’re thinking about each other’s happiness. Casual relationships are often marked by an imbalanced dynamic. One person is interested in more, and the other just wants it to be convenient. Relationships aren’t always convenient, they require compromise and compassion.
One of the signs a fling may have a future is that you are each thinking about the other person’s happiness. You’re both willing to see each other’s points of view and to make adjustments to your behavior. In a casual relationship, you’ll move on when the relationship is no longer easy or convenient.
Jealousy can be a sign of a healthy relationship, as it can indicate a deep love for your partner and a desire to protect your union, according to a study by the University of Texas at Arlington. However, jealousy can also lead to anxiety, insecurity, and a lack of trust.
6. There is emotional as well as physical intimacy
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Off-the-charts chemistry in the early part of a relationship will flood your body with feel-good hormones. So, keep your feet on the ground and remain level-headed — this may not be true love.
Chemistry and attraction are necessary ingredients for a long-term relationship, but on their own, they don’t indicate an ideal match for love to last. There are many factors to consider, most importantly that the two of you share the same values (which has nothing to do with being hot for each other).
A promising sign — there is emotional as well as physical intimacy. Are you delaying physical intimacy until you feel a strong emotional connection? Are both of you sharing dreams and goals so you can bond over them?
Emotional and physical intimacy are crucial predictors of relationship success because they create a deep sense of connection and trust between partners, allowing them to feel safe and supported, which ultimately contributes to greater relationship satisfaction and stability. Essentially, couples feel more bonded and fulfilled when both forms of intimacy are present, according to a study published by the American Psychological Association.
Orna and Matthew Walters are soulmate coaches who have been featured guest experts on Bravo’s The Millionaire Matchmaker. They’re the authors of the free ebook, 7 Steps To Soulmating.
