There are certain people we sometimes welcome into our lives who don’t exactly have our best interests at heart. At first, it can be difficult to notice the subtle tells a person in your life has bad intentions, but over time, their actions become a bit more obvious.
Most fake people are incredibly charming. They will compliment your appearance, appear to listen to you, or be a shoulder to cry on, all while secretly plotting behind your back. It can be hard to distinguish between a person being real or fake, but their bad intentions and ulterior motives are noticeable if you pay very close attention.
Here are 10 subtle tells that a person in your life has bad intentions
1. They only make time for you when they need something
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Most people have experienced having one friend who only calls when they need something. When that friend calls at 1 a.m. for help, but doesn’t check in with you any other time, it’s easy to feel used and disregarded. You may also feel like someone is using you when they abandon you the second you don’t drop everything to fulfill their needs.
The CPTSD Foundation explained that abandonment leads to greater risk of developing mental health disorders later down the line. When you notice this person in your life has bad intentions, don’t hesitate to remove them. Your mental health depends on it.
2. They constantly bring up the past
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When someone constantly brings up the past, it’s a clear indicator that they have bad intentions and don’t want you to move on and grow as a person. They don’t want you to learn from your mistakes; rather, they prefer you don’t learn important lessons.
They will purposely bring up the past to keep you reminiscing. And according to research published in World Psychiatry, induced rumination leads to negative thinking, biased information processing, depression, PTSD, and eating disorders. Noticing someone doesn’t have your best interests at heart means letting the past go, including them.
3. They make you feel bad about your goals
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One of the subtle tells that a person in your life has bad intentions is putting you down because of your goals or aspirations. The people in your life should support your dreams, no matter what. With an encouraging smile, these individuals should push you to be your best self.
However, if a person is doing the opposite, they will discourage you and instill doubt. They will express concern and find “gentle” ways to coax you to take a different path, saying passive-aggressive statements like, “That’s a lot of money, are you sure you want to do that?” or “Doing this is difficult. Why not opt for something easier?” And it’s all to instill doubt into your mind.
According to founder of The Berkeley Well-Being Institute, Tchiki Davis, Ph.D., self-doubt is dangerous as it can lead to self-handicapping. Davis explained that this helps enable people as they can point the finger to someone else for their lack of success.
Unfortunately, this can quickly become a cycle of failure as you begin to believe you don’t have what it takes to accomplish your dreams. All because someone in your life doesn’t have positive intentions for you.
4. They don’t keep their word
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It’s understandable if you break a promise or two. After all, sometimes life gets in the way, and you can no longer do the things you were supposed to.
However, certain promises shouldn’t be broken. Promising to be there for someone or helping them out with an important task isn’t something that should be taken lightly. Unfortunately, people with bad intentions will break their promises when it counts the most.
Not caring about others, they have zero issues with turning their back on a friend. Calling last minute, they’ll make an excuse to avoid keeping their word.
Breaking trust leads to hurt feelings and anger, and can easily ruin the relationship you share, as you become less likely to lean on that person. So, it’s important to look out for your own needs and recognize when something is a lost cause. Even if it’s painful, cutting someone off who can’t be consistent with you is the best way to go.
5. They don’t celebrate your wins
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People who want the best for you will celebrate your successes with enthusiasm. On the other hand, if someone appears to be jealous or refuses to stand behind your wins, it indicates they have bad intentions.
A true partner, friend, or loved one pushes their feelings to the side to celebrate the person they love, no matter what it’s for. A person who simply can’t be happy for someone they supposedly care for is incredibly superficial and doesn’t have your best interests at heart.
Luckily, it’s possible to avoid people like this. First, observe how they behave when you accomplish something. Are they clapping alongside others or are they silent? Next, pay attention to the way they talk to you. Anyone who makes passive-aggressive remarks or has an unpleasant attitude isn’t worth having by your side.
6. They make everything your fault
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Sitting across from you, a person who has bad intentions will blame you for everything wrong in their own life. They might tell you that your attitude or opinion drove them to be mean or extreme, making you feel guilty for something that wasn’t even your fault.
According to Gestalt therapy trainer Elinor Greenberg, Ph.D., most narcissists blame others because of their own insecurities. Their opinion of themselves is so harsh that it causes them to reach for affection. Yet when they don’t receive it, they blame others to feel better about themselves and their mishaps.
Distance yourself from people like this. Though it might be hard to find ways to limit contact, it’s the best way to put yourself first when you need it most.
7. They belittle you
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While some people’s sense of humor involves taking jabs at others, it’s not always in jest. In fact, humor at the expense of others isn’t okay unless the two people share a very close relationship, or that specific type of humor has been well received prior.
In a group with associates, it can feel humiliating when your loved one calls you out or pokes fun at your insecurities. According to a book titled “Preventing Bullying Through Science, Policy, and Practice,” being bullied leads to an increase in mental, emotional, and behavioral problems.
When someone belittles you, it’s important to stand up for yourself. Don’t be shy about flipping the script to put someone in their place, while helping them understand why their actions are wrong to begin with.
8. They don’t give proper apologies
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People who can’t apologize don’t believe that they did anything wrong in the first place or refuse to take accountability. Twirling their thumbs, they’ll swear up and down they’re innocent and were just being honest. These excuses quickly grow old, as their inability to take accountability causes you to grow frustrated and upset.
Unfortunately, you can’t argue or plead with these types of people. They won’t listen to reason, and they certainly won’t try to change. All they care about is being right and doing whatever it is they want to do. It’s an indicator that they have bad intentions towards you, so it’s best to extract yourself from the relationship to avoid prolonged disrespect.
9. They nit-pick the people in your life
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When someone takes jabs at the people you love dearly, it’s a subtle tell that they have bad intentions. Some people might do this with the best of intentions, warning you of a toxic situation with your friend or partner.
This isn’t a problem, but constantly doing it is a little suspicious. In truth, it looks like this person wants you to separate from your support system completely. And this can become dangerous, as not having a support system can lead to toxic or abusive situations.
In fact, research from the American Journal of Epidemiology suggests that having a support system is beneficial for our mental health. According to lead author Bert N. Uchino, “supportive relationships protect us from a multitude of mental health problems… the absence of supportive relationships increases the risk of dying from various diseases.”
Don’t make any hasty decisions before you get a professional’s opinion. Furthermore, if you find that this person has bad intentions, do yourself a favor and cut them out of your life.
10. They don’t show support when you’re changing for the better
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People with bad intentions don’t like it when you progress and grow. Feeling left behind, they tend to grow jealous and do everything they can to keep you from becoming your best self.
A study published in the Journal of Consumer Research found that friends will band together to provide each other the love and support they need. On the flip side, friends can also cause you to indulge in unhealthy choices. Picking your friends wisely is essential, because if you have the wrong people in your inner circle, you can easily go down a path of making bad decisions.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in psychology who covers topics such as self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology.
