“Creativity can be described as letting go of certainties.” – Gail Sheehy
Change is about uncertainty. We hold tight to what we know and feel a sense of anxiety for the unknown. The ability to move on from the old is difficult for some and not an option for others. That new experience feels foreign and out of reach. Some will even see the new as intimidating or threatening.
How will I cope with what is uncertain and unfamiliar? That new job seems so hard to get my head around. That new relationship feels so challenging. Maybe I should just maintain the status quo. I know what I am doing here. I am not sure about being there. Why should I change?
These are common thoughts that we all experience. However, these thoughts and feelings also hold us back from making necessary transitions in our life. The hold of the old and familiar is powerful but not always empowering. How do we move on?
Certainties
What are the certainties of life? “The only two certainties in life are death and taxes” is known to have originated in a 1789 letter from Benjamin Franklin to Jean-Baptiste Leroy, a prominent French scientist. Why are we so preoccupied with having certainty in our life? Are we fearful of uncertainty? It appears that we are.
When we only feel comfortable with what we know, how do we grow? Growth does not happen without a journey into discomfort. Our growth struggle, in essence, expands who we are, and more importantly who we are becoming. As we transfer from the familiar to embracing new and unknown territories, we are embracing our new self.
Only by choosing to leave the old and moving onto the new will we experience growth. The uncertainties of life have now become less threatening. The uncertain becomes less inhibiting. Doesn’t flying through space at 67,000 mph or 18.5 miles per second, on the third rock from the sun defy certainty anyway?
Ambiguity
The ambiguity of the mind supports indecisiveness and confusion. Interestingly, when we maintain our ambiguity we reinforce the status quo, which keeps us in the old and keeps us from the new. Ambiguity is a deterrent to change.
Our best laid plans that never eventuate are often due to the power we give to our ambiguity. It becomes a strategy of avoidance? Procrastination is also ambiguity in disguise. “It is what it is”, ambiguity at its finest, becomes a demonstration of indifference. Ambiguity becomes a maintenance plan of the old to delay the new.
Positive Frustration (1)
“Frustration although quite painful at times is a very positive part of success.” -Bo Bennett
The human experience comes with oodles of expectations. Expectations of people, things, and outcomes that will inevitably lead to numerous frustrations. Why is this true? Perhaps because many of the expectations of life are out of our control. These expectations are beyond our ability to alter or have influence.
Even if we are extremely competent and efficient in our lifestyle, there will be moments that are outside of our control. Ignoring the recognition of an inability to control life circumstances makes us an accomplice to our own frustrations and potentially our ambiguous behaviour.
A tenacious obsession on the obstacles of life can lead one to a pattern of self-inflicted frustrations. How can we create a positive growth shift from these negative perceptions?
“Learn how to turn frustration into fascination. You will learn more being fascinated by life than you will by being frustrated by it.” -Jim Rohn
Fascination
Consider fascination as a pursuit into the unknown. This pursuit may lead you to an important and vital gateway of self-awareness. Most people describe frustration as feeling like some form of blockage. A little bit like being stuck in a traffic jam with nowhere to escape.
By pursuing the source of that blockage, you may open some closed windows of opportunity for learning about yourself. For example: That purported friend who lets you down at a crucial time may reveal the limitations of your friendship. This demonstrates that sometimes your expectations of people are incongruent with reality.
To be in fascination is about being absorbed in the task at hand. This total engagement of self-will redirects negative energy toward the positive. Through embracing the challenges of any frustration, we move toward growth. And, growth is always a little bit uncomfortable.
Change
“Change is inevitable. Growth is optional.” -John Maxwell
We know that frustration, by its very nature, is an agent of change. When frustration peaks we are motivated to transition to a better situation. It can be the essence of a potential growth experience.
Through the growth experience we most likely will have to give up familiarity. Moving away from these patterns of familiarity will be uncomfortable but essential. The cost-benefit analysis of moving from seeing obstacles to seeing challenges creates salient feelings of self-control, which are usually absent in frustration.
Embracing Change
To move forward, one needs to be confident. Often, people give you their “two cents” about what they think YOU ought to be doing with your life. If you worry about how others perceive you, it is easy to do something against your values or intuition. Usually, the advice people give is based on their own personal situation or experience, and is not necessarily about your situation.
Sometimes poor self-efficacy confronts our belief that we can actually make the necessary change. Often people’s sense of mastery and/or past mistakes will haunt them. What if I make another “dumb” mistake? Typically, the problem with that is that we freeze, meaning that no decision is made. That too is a decision, and it can let you off the hook because no action was taken. Blaming others instead of internalizing and taking responsibility may follow.
A consequence always follows. Many times, people look back on previous choices and with hindsight realise that another road should have been taken. But hindsight is usually not being fair or kind to yourself. One often forgets all the surrounding circumstances that made you choose what you chose. Usually, one chooses, in the moment, the best outcome at the time, weighing up the costs and benefits. It is important to understand the values of the choice you make in that moment.
The “New”
“We cannot become what we want by remaining what we are.” -Max Dupree
When frustration becomes the familiar, the response norms we are moving toward are anger, depression and anxiety. By challenging these unhealthy response patterns, we begin to embrace a more copacetic expansion of the self and a positive movement toward the new.
We are no longer held captive by our internal magnified connection to frustration or the status quo. The mobility required to change our knee-jerk reactions appears to be a combination of engaging in challenging responses accompanied by a fascination for self-discovery. Put these qualities into motion and personal growth will follow!
