Source: Image by Kalhh from Pixabay
Uncertainty is, for most humans, very difficult to experience and cope with. As I write this, tensions are extremely high here in the U.S. on the day before the election, and many people have been in a chronic state of stress for quite some time. Divisiveness seems to be at an all-time high, at least in all the years I can remember in my lifetime. Many people are looking for ways to cope through the coming days and beyond. Whether you are experiencing fear of uncertainty about the election, or other areas of uncertainty in your life, here are three steps for working with the stress of uncertainty that I’ve found especially helpful.
Step One: The Two Boxes
Imagine that you have two boxes — one is a present moment box (filled with what is actually here right now) and one is a future box (filled every possible worry you have about the future). For most people, our future box is quite a lot larger than our present moment box. Imagine dumping out the contents of both of those boxes in the middle of the room. That could be quite overwhelming, and especially so because most of what might happen in the future is not something we can cope with in this moment (because it isn’t happening now).
So first ask: What is actually happening now? What is here now?
Second ask, is there anything that might happen in the future where I can have some personal agency today?
To work with this, take a look in the future box and see if there is anything in there that you can actually do something about today/this week — i.e., is there anything you can take action on right now? For example, you can’t control the future of the election, but you can cast your vote so that your voice matters. You can choose to join organizations that stand for issues you care about, and that allow you to make a difference in your community and beyond. If you are dealing with the uncertainty of a health issue, you might do some research today to find a doctor for a second opinion, or choose to engage in lifestyle behaviors that might support your body’s healing.
Move anything from the future box into your present moment box only if you are able to have some agency now. If not, keep it in the future box. Put a lid on that box, for now. Continue to peer into that box from time to time and if/as things arise that need to be moved into your present moment box, do so.
Now, focus on what is in your present moment box. (Attempting to cope with this and everything that is in your future box at the same time is too much to handle). Our present moment box is more workable.
Move on to step two.
Step Two: The Dial
When our nervous system senses strong cues of threat, our autonomic nervous system can tip us into fight, flight or freeze energy — evolutionary survival strategies that helped our ancestors survive external threats such as saber-toothed tigers. This can show up in our bodies as frustration, anger, fear, anxiety, rage, overwhelm, shutting down, etc. We might get tunnel vision, a narrow focus of attention, feel isolated, and/or perhaps experience a helplessness or giving up. There are times when these inner resources can be helpful (e.g., to let us know there is something important to pay attention to, to protect us if we need to physically defend ourselves). But often in the face of chronic stress, it is as if our dial gets stuck in these survival/protection modes. The problem is that from this place, we are cut off from many of our other inner resources we have, such as perspective taking, seeing a big picture, problem-solving, creativity, compassion, self-compassion and feelings of connection and interconnection with others.
Fortunately, on this dial, in addition to our survival/protection circuits we have thriving/connection circuits that we can dial into. When our nervous system senses enough cues of safety, a different part of our nervous system comes online (mediated by our ventral vagal nerve) which helps to create greater physiological balance. From this place of a more regulated nervous system, we have access to different kinds of resources (as named above) that can often be beneficial for coping with modern day challenges.
So how do we dial into more of this regulated energy, even in the face of fear, worry or threat?
First, we can bring attention and intention to our autonomic state. We can ask: Where am I on my dial — am I in a state of survival/protection, or a more regulated state of thriving and connection? We begin by meeting ourselves where we are. It is understandable to feel fear, and other emotions. We don’t have to force ourselves into a state of positivity.
But we can ask: Is this state the one that is giving me the best resources to face my challenges at hand. If not, what can I do to bring more balance into my nervous system? This can look different for everyone. For some it might be meditating. For others it might be going for a walk, calling a friend, being in nature, or doing a focused activity that is soothing, calming or helps to focus one’s attention mindfully. Taking even just a few minutes to calm and soothe our nervous system can help us feel more balanced. From here, we are better equipped to see what is needed in the next moments to come.
Step Three: The Beacon
A beacon is a light that helps guide ships to safe harbor, even in the midst of storms and when they might be veering off course. In the midst of what feels like darkness, we can ask ourselves, what is my beacon? This represents our deepest values, or what aligns with our greater sense of meaning and purpose.
We might then work with this in several ways. Ask yourself these questions:
Who and what can I align myself with that helps me feel connected with my values and what matters in my life? For some people this might be turning to friends, family members, larger organizations, inspirational figures or leaders. Feeling a part of something that represents our values and what we care about can help us through difficult times.
Also, you can ask “how can I be a light even in the darkness?” What can I do in my daily life to lift others up, make a difference, support the causes I care about, and connect with my deepest values? Taking action from this place can give us a sense of purpose and agency. It can help lift our mood and face our challenges with more energy.
Put together, these three steps can help us to work with what is here now and move toward what matters, taking effective and mindful actions from a place of feeling more balanced and empowered.
