Toxic relationships can be incredibly complex and overwhelmingly difficult to navigate, especially when “red flags” seem to appear late in relationships and marriages. However, there are early signs a man will be a nightmare to divorce that their partners tend to ignore or miss early in their relationships.
While far more people get married than divorced every year, according to a 2024 Forbes report on relationships, nearly 43% of first-time marriages will end in divorce, with unsettling statistics reporting that those percentages only rise with second- and third-time unions. Many partners don’t change their toxic habits, luring in partners that are unsuspecting of their early warning signs and “red flags” before they have a chance to acknowledge them.
Here are 10 early signs a man will be a nightmare to divorce:
1.He love bombs you.
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According to a 2016 study published by the University of Arkansas, love bombing is the tendency for a partner to utilize excessive communication and affection at the early stages of a relationship.
While it might be hard to differentiate between this kind of behavior and a healthy beginning to a new relationship, love bombing is also positively correlated with narcissistic tendencies that appear early on — from insecurity to self-preservation and lacking emotional intelligence during conflict.
Oftentimes, a sign of an anxious or avoidant attachment style in a partner, this behavior can be an early sign a man will be a nightmare to divorce — especially as they tend to struggle with lacking communication, trust, and rumination post-break-up.
2.He gets angry quickly.
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People, regardless of gender identity, who struggle with emotional intelligence often resort to anger or frustration when they’re forced to confront their emotions or advocate for themselves in arguments. However, men, specifically those who have an overwhelming societal pressure to maintain a kind of masculinity that doesn’t include vulnerability, may experience this switch to anger far quicker than others.
If your partner isn’t making space for you to feel heard in early discussion, even if they’re seemingly miniscule at the beginning, address it immediately. If they aren’t willing to listen or accept your criticism now, it’s likely an early sign they’ll be even harder to leave down the road.
3.He’s emotionally manipulative.
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With a tendency to rely on blurred boundaries and self-victimization, according to psychotherapist Ilene Strauss Cohen, many people who find themselves with emotionally transactive partners are manipulated into thinking they’re in the wrong.
When they’re called out for their bad behavior, the toxic partner somehow reverses the conversation, bringing up an old conflict or argument to “defend” themselves.
Suppose you’re thinking about ending a relationship or starting the divorce process. In that case, you’ve likely found yourself in this situation many times, but the tendency to pick up on a transactional relationship starts early. Be cognizant of when your partner relies on blame-shifting and defensiveness — they’re not just avoiding accountability but actively dismissing your valid emotions.
4.He gaslights you.
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While gaslighting has mainly been acknowledged in popular culture, the term — a type of psychological abuse intended to make a partner feel “crazy” or “surreal,” according to a study from the American Sociological Review — is mainly under-researched sociologists, making it difficult to pick up in the early stages of relationships.
If your partner shifts blame and makes every argument centered around your shortcomings—even in small conflicts early in a relationship—consider it a warning that navigating a larger conflict (like a divorce) will be a nightmare.
5.He doesn’t have close friends.
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According to the author of the book Man Interrupted, men struggle to maintain close friendships for a variety of reasons, from societal pressures to struggles with vulnerability and a tendency for young men to live at home for much longer periods of time in the modern world. Regardless, it’s often a “red flag” in many early relationships and marriages.
Suppose your partner doesn’t have an inner circle or support system that can help him navigate through an intense transitional life change like a divorce. In that case, all their resentment, bad energy, and negative emotions stemming from an inability to cope will fall back on you.
6.He’s possessive.
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Men who exhibit extreme possessiveness early in relationships often struggle with insecurity and a need to maintain control over the partners in their lives. When the threat of a break-up or divorce lingers, they’re more likely to “latch on” and go to extreme lengths to protect themselves from losing control.
If you notice uncomfortable envy or jealousy in your partner at the beginning of a marriage, don’t take it lightly — it’s not a heartwarming sign that they’re in love, but rather a concerning signal of their need for control.
7.He lies about small things.
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Lying, even about minuscule things, is a breach of trust in any kind of relationship—whether you’re casually connecting with someone, in a platonic friendship, or in a committed marriage with a partner. If you’re already noticing your partner is lying early in a relationship, don’t ignore that “red flag;” it will only grow more extreme.
A 1986 study on deception argues that many people will pick up on lying tendencies in their relationships much quicker as time goes on, as they become familiar with their partner’s behaviors. If they’re willing to lie about small things, they’re likely willing to sacrifice trust to “save” their relationship down the road — which only puts you three steps behind.
8.He’s codependent.
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Similarly to how a partner without a secure inner circle or close friends to support them through tumultuous times in your relationship will rely on you, a partner who’s exhibiting codependent tendencies will struggle to respect you as an equal.
According to a 2000 study titled “The Impact of Codependency on Relationships,” codependent people are expert blame-shifters. They’ll take care of your responsibilities and support you at the expense of their own well-being, only to remind you down the road that they felt unheard or used.
While codependency might manifest itself as a healthy relationship trait early on, it only creates an unhealthy dynamic for conflict and potential divorce down the road. Address it early, and don’t forget to make space for your individuality.
9.He refuses to consider therapy.
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While many men refuse therapy over social stigmas and misguided perceptions of accepting professional help, partners who continuously degrade the practice, even amid relationship qualms and conflicts, are more likely to fail at putting in the personal work needed to evolve and grow.
If what you need, as a partner in a relationship, is to try therapy with your husband, and he still refuses, consider that an early reminder that they’re prioritizing their insecurities over your well-being. It doesn’t need to be more complicated than that, especially if you anticipate problems to grow more intense and unaddressed over time.
10.He’s inauthentic around friends and family.
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If your partner speaks poorly about their friends and family only to continually put on a facade in person, that’s a clear signal that they struggle with open and honest communication. Similarly, men who misrepresent themselves to their families often struggle with a sense of self-esteem that prevents them from being their authentic selves in all of their relationships.
Be wary of anyone who “puts on a show” for others and acts entirely differently around you. You should never be surprised by the person that your partner is behind closed doors, and if you are, consider it a warning sign.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a News & Entertainment Writer at YourTango who focuses on health & wellness, social policy, and human interest stories.
