Coping with Uncertainty
Source: OpenAI. (2024). ChatGPT [Large language model]./Julie Baron
“The only certainty is in knowing there will be uncertainty.” ~Julie Baron
As we are on the eve of another election, adults and teens alike are feeling anxiety in anticipation of the outcome. Beyond any outcome, people understandably have questions, fears, and worries about what new leadership will bring. No matter your lean, all humans experience unease with unknowing. Uncertainty is a part of life. It can cause suffering, or be an opportunity to practice skillfully tolerating the inevitable, an important skill for managing difficult emotions and feeling emotionally well.
Many adults have difficulty accepting there are things they cannot control, yet young people are expected to do so routinely. Let’s capitalize on this teachable moment by embracing, and modeling for young people, the following strategies for tolerating uncertainty:
- Cultivate a Growth Mindset. While we may not be able to control certain outcomes, the way we think about situations can help us grow psychological flexibility, a key skill for achieving well-being. A growth mindset helps us view challenges as opportunities for growth rather than indications of failure. One way to do this is by thinking about the pros and cons of all possible outcomes. One of my go-to responses to challenges in both my work and parenting is, “There are pros and cons to everything.” Trying to see all sides of varying outcomes reduces anxiety and prepares us for whatever is to come.
- Stay Grounded in the Present Moment (Otherwise Known as Mindfulness). What is certain, is what we are experiencing with our senses right now. We know what we see, where we are, what we can hear, smell, taste, and feel. Staying where we are and taking one step at a time based on what reality presents can help things feel more manageable. Mindful presence also challenges catastrophizing worries about the future, a futile exercise in suffering. Practice staying in the moment by asking yourself what you can do right now and if nothing (yet), remain where you are and engage in what you can control.
- Practice Distress Tolerance. Negative emotions are a part of life and inevitable with uncertainty. We humans are wired to experience anxiety, a cue to prepare and protect when things are uncertain as a means of survival. This allows us to cope ahead for what may be needed. Once you have done all you can to problem solve in advance, ride out difficult emotions by strategically distracting your attention with other things more pleasant; watch a show or movie, listen to music, take a hike, or connect with others. When we manage distress skillfully, we reduce unnecessary suffering.
- Focus on Living Your Values. Regardless of situational outcomes or actions of others, which we cannot control, we can cultivate awareness of what matters to us. We all have core values, beliefs, and perspectives that guide us. Act in alignment with your core values, regardless of the circumstances. This can give you a sense of purpose and confidence, even in uncertain times. Given the tensions and discord associated with politics, if kindness is your value, offer compassion to those who express differing opinions or experiences. Know that if it feels challenging to do so, you are working an important muscle.
- Don’t Worry Alone. The What Works With Teens model values connected relationships as foundational for all growth and wellness, cultivated through actions representing respect, authenticity, predictability (of what we can control), kindness, and acceptance. Connection with others is a balm for stress. It releases soothing endorphins which counteract stress hormones.
Learning to tolerate uncertainty is a skill that takes time and practice, but the benefits are well worth the effort. When we teach teens to face the unknown with resilience, and flexibility, and to live by their values, we empower them to live more fully, without being held back by fear. There will always be times of unknowing. In fact, inherent in the very definition of adolescence is an unknown future. Teens can only figure out who they are and what they are meant to do by tolerating, even embracing an uncertain future. By doing so, you and the teens you care about can approach life with confidence, adaptability, and a sense of empowerment.