The struggles of life — work, kids, and marriage itself — can easily stress you out and make you feel alone. It’s easy to lose that connection with your spouse when all the strains of life occupy your mind and life.
Sometimes, your occupied brain can make you forget to remind your partner that you love him or her. Your spouse may then fall to the wayside as the hectic struggles cascade into your list of top priorities.
Here are 3 signs of a genuinely loving couple:
1. They say hello with a heartfelt hug and kiss
Before you do anything, greet each other or say goodbye with a loving hug and kiss. Research published in the Journal of Pragmatics demonstrates the importance of affective reciprocity. This is a ritual that says, “I love you. You’re important to me, and you come first.” You can say, “I love you,” but your actions have already proven that.
For an added touch of security and romance, make the kiss/hug linger a bit. This will leave your spouse wanting more later on if you’re too busy to get intimate right at that moment!
2. They get steamy and shower together
Not only is this efficient — it saves water and time — it’s fun, too! Showering together shows that you’re still super attracted to each other, comfortable, and trusting enough to do the most personal daily routines together. Plus, who doesn’t love shower fun?
Research published in the Cerebral Cortex Journal describes how “interpersonal touch plays a key role in creating and maintaining affiliative pair bonds in romantic love.”
3. They wish each other good night
Winnie Vinzence via Shutterstock
Even if you’ve had the roughest day, wishing your spouse a good night with a sweet kiss and warm cuddle will easily melt the stress away. With your loving spouse on your mind, you’ll be relaxed enough to drift swiftly to sleep. You’ll wake up energized and ready to take on the next day.
Researcher Kyrsten K Sackett-Fox shows how “sleep quality is implicated in how partners interact with each other and may have downstream effects for relationship quality.”
You must remember you married for love.
You don’t necessarily have to say the words “I love you” all the time, but if you stop saying or showing it all together, you’ll feel even further apart. While you might assume your spouse already knows you love him/her, your validation goes a LONG way in. It shows that the spark is still there!
YourTango Expert and psychologist Dr. Stan Tatkin suggests maintaining daily rituals as a couple to thoughtfully avoid this. “[It settles] our nervous systems and allows us to average each other out kind of like bells ringing,” he says.
Daily rituals just happen to be the best stress-relievers because hearing (and feeling) that you’re loved, acknowledged, safe, and secure will calm you down faster than any prescription pill. Plus, knowing that at least one part of your life is going well motivates you to confidently tackle your other struggles head-on.
Dr. Stan Tatkin talks a bit more about the benefits of maintaining daily bonding rituals between you and your spouse in the video below.
Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT, is a clinician, teacher, and developer of A Psychological Approach To Couples Therapy (PACT). He specializes in working with couples and individuals who wish to be in relationships.
