There are certain behaviors of someone who is quietly falling out of love, and they aren’t exactly obvious. From their inability to open up to dismissal of their partner’s concerns, people who aren’t in love anymore show their true feelings in subtle ways.
Their actions can cause their partner to feel confused, frustrated, hurt, and abandoned. According to the CPTSD Foundation, there are long-term consequences of emotional abandonment, including anxiety, depression, codependency, and even borderline personality disorder.
But recognizing the signs beforehand can lessen the heartbreak and pain.
Here are 10 behaviors of someone who is quietly falling out of love
1. They communicate less
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When someone is falling out of love with their partner, the communication may start to dwindle, as they want to slowly distance themselves from the relationship. Not wanting to get any closer to their partner, they will give one-word responses when their partner tries to talk to them or just shut down the conversation altogether.
According to research from the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, communication is a key component of most relationships. In this specific study, researchers found that out of 365 couples who participated, women’s initial positive communication in conflict predicated higher relationship satisfaction in both partners. Moreover, men who were clear about their partner’s feelings experienced a decrease in engaging in negative communication.
As a result, it’s assumed that positive communication is crucial for the longevity of any relationship. Yet, if one partner refuses to engage in healthy communication, it could pre-determine a relationship headed for a breakup.
2. They’re irritated by everything their partner does
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It’s normal for people to get annoyed by their partner sometimes. If their boyfriend leaves dishes in the sink or their girlfriend leaves hair in the drain, it’s bound to cause conflict. However, if someone is constantly aggravated with their partner, it’s a sign they’re fed up and have been building resentment.
According to the Gottman Institute, contempt leads to the worst behavior in a relationship. Contempt is when one partner has simmering negative thoughts about the other. It typically leads to disrespectful or mocking communication as the person believes they’re superior to the other. Unfortunately, most relationships that have a build-up of contempt don’t last long.
The Gottman Institute explained that contempt is the worst of the “four horsemen” and predicts the end of a relationship. So, if a person is fed up with their partner’s antics, it’s one of the glaring signs they are quietly falling out of love.
3. They aren’t affectionate
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Affection is crucial for the longevity of any relationship. One study published in Communication Quarterly found that affection helps a person gauge how committed their partner is to their relationship. Additionally, affection predicts relationship satisfaction.
So, when someone goes in for a hug, it can feel like a form of rejection if they’re pushed away. According to research from Dialogues in Clinical Neuroscience, several feelings can arise from rejection, including hurt feelings, jealousy, shame, loneliness, guilt, social anxiety, and embarrassment.
It makes perfect sense as to why receiving rejection from a partner hurts so much and why distant behavior may indicate one partner falling out of love with the other.
4. They stop making plans for the future
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The ability to plan for the future is an indicator of a person choosing to stay in their relationship for the long haul. People who are truly committed will have open discussions with their partner about where they see themselves as a couple five, 10 or even 15 years down the road. They talk about where they want to live or what kind of lifestyle they envision together.
Unfortunately, people who stop making plans for the future don’t plan to stick around for long. They will slowly distance themselves from their relationship until they feel it’s the right moment to break up. It can obviously be devastating.
5. They show no interest in their partner’s daily life
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When a person doesn’t ask their partner, “How was your day?” or show any genuine interest in their daily duties, it’s a red flag that could indicate they are quietly falling out of love. No longer interested in their partner, these individuals don’t feel the need to dig deep. They have zero issues with ignoring their partner’s frustration, leading their partner to feel unsupported.
Unfortunately, a lack of support in a relationship is a sign that the partnership is coming to an end.
One study published in Brain, Behavior, and Immunity found that offering mutual support leads to greater overall health. Additionally, being able to give support predicts greater well-being than simply receiving it. With this in mind, it should be unsurprising that mutual support is a pillar to relationship longevity, and that mutual respect and love are pertinent.
6. They don’t argue
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On the outside, couples not arguing may sound like a good thing. Nobody wants to hear their partner nag about the trash constantly, or have intense disagreements about finances. However, someone choosing to stay silent instead of fighting for their relationship is a sign they’re quietly falling out of love.
A study published in Personal Relationships determined that dodging conflict leads to worse communication. Couples reported feeling less happy and dedicated to their relationships as a result. An additional study in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that couples who pretended there were no problems experienced increased stress that led to a decrease in satisfaction.
When one partner is falling out of love, they may refuse to engage in arguments or conflict resolution with their partner. And that can inevitably lead to a breakup.
7. They share less about themselves
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One of the subtle behaviors of someone who is quietly falling out of love is their tendency to share less about themselves over time. Secretive behavior doesn’t always spell disaster for a relationship, as one partner might choose to engage in this type of behavior to plan a birthday party or propose. However, a partner who chooses to share minimal details about their life isn’t being secretive, they’re being distant.
They don’t reveal the ups and downs of their day, what they have on their plate, and may even avoid opening up about important milestones. They are slowly backing away from the relationship without ripping the band-aid off completely. It could explain why distant partners shrug off their loved one’s concerns or give a few words as an answer, like, “I don’t know.” The truth is they’re looking for a quick exit from the relationship.
8. They put other people before the relationship
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In a relationship, people will certainly have friends or family they care about. But always choosing their side or catering to their needs can leave a bitter taste in their partner’s mouth. And it can lead to resentment if the behavior continues.
According to relationship counselors Linda Bloom, LCSW and Charlie Bloom, M.S.W., in marriages choosing to put kids first leads to neglect of marital needs. This can directly lead to resentment and a loss of connection, impacting those around them. To avoid this, couples must make time for each other and put their relationship first. If they don’t, the relationship will deteriorate.
9. There’s a noticeable change in their social media presence
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When there is a big change in one partner’s social media behavior, it could be an indicator that they are quietly falling out of love. Because, unfortunately, an increased social media presence tends to increase someone’s chances of cheating.
Research published in Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking found that social networks make it easier to cheat on partners. Specifically, partners in committed relationships will use apps like Facebook to befriend a former ex by sending text messages or commenting on their posts. This leads to reconnection, which then increases the chance of infidelity.
10. They don’t invite their partner out
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Being in a relationship means spending time apart every now and then, whether it’s to go out with friends, see family, or even run errands alone. But when a partner isn’t inviting their partner out alongside them, it could mean they are quietly falling out of love.
They may make excuses like being too busy or feel overly tired, but when it comes to spending time with their friends or family, they will leave their partner at home or tell them of the plans at the last minute, making it impossible for them to attend. Excluding a partner can indicate they are no longer committed to making the relationship work.
During tough moments like these, it’s important for couples to have open and honest conversation. But if their partner refuses to change, it could be the unfortunate end.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in psychology who covers topics such as self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology.
