A mom admitted that she was fed up with all of the holiday planning falling on her shoulders, and decided to take matters into her own hands to make sure her husband was just as involved as she was.
Posting to the subreddit r/TwoXChromosomes, she claimed that for her holiday planning this year, she doesn’t want to have to do the majority of the work herself so she is scheduling in advance to make sure her husband participates.
She instituted mandatory holiday evenings for her husband after realizing how much women do to make the season happen.
“As I’m starting to go over my planning for the holidays (food I’m making, which relative’s houses we are going to when, gifts I have and gifts I need to get, wrapping supplies), I’m really seeing how much work it all is every year,” she wrote in her since-deleted Reddit post.
She explained that it was during last year’s holiday season, when everyone was opening gifts, that she realized no man on either side of the family had participated in getting the gifts together.
That included wrapping, decorating, planning, or even preparing the food that everyone would be eating later on in the day. She recalled that her father-in-law had gotten her mother-in-law a necklace from a department store but didn’t even bother to wrap it, while her dad asked if she could purchase a gift that he could give to her mom.
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The wife refuses to perpetuate the cycle of holiday magic falling slowly on the shoulders of women.
“The moms, wives, and girlfriends did everything else. This goes back decades and generations, and it’s infuriating. I have vivid memories of the men sharing brandy and cigars while the wives ran around making Christmas dinner,” she continued.
“To combat this, I’ve instituted mandatory evenings for my husband during the holiday season where we both sit down and buy gifts, wrap gifts, make holiday food, pack the car to see relatives, etc.”
She claimed that her husband wasn’t happy with this arrangement, considering his father never had to do this when he was growing up.
Still, she refused to keep this tradition of the women in the family being responsible for every little thing when the men were just as capable.
She insisted that it would end with her and that she wouldn’t continue fueling this outdated tradition anymore.
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Wives are often burdened with having to carry out the majority of tasks and projects in their families, especially during the holidays.
Frankly, women are tasked with being responsible for much of the mental load in their families, especially when it comes to planning activities, holiday outings, and even vacations.
Women in heterosexual relationships tend to carry a significantly larger portion of the “mental load,” often estimated to be around 70-80% of the cognitive labor involved in managing a household.
This ranges from primarily handling the planning, remembering, and coordination of family tasks, even if their partners contribute to physical chores. Even something as small as planning a family vacation ends up falling into the woman’s hands.
Women are expected to drop everything and make sure family functions, outings, and events are perfect, while men are simply allowed to enjoy themselves.
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It’s a shame that she has to force her husband to sit down with her and help plan out the upcoming holiday season instead of doing it himself.
Unfortunately, that type of behavior is modeled through the generations, and it’s good that she’s choosing to break the cycle and make sure that her husband is aware that this burden will not be falling on her anymore.
Nia Tipton is a Chicago-based entertainment, news, and lifestyle writer whose work delves into modern-day issues and experiences.
