Parenting is tough; there’s no doubt about that. The first few years, especially with your first child, can be a stressful and overwhelming introduction to parenthood as you discover your child’s unique personality, quirky behaviors, and, of course, inevitable tantrums. Then, about ten years later, you get to encounter a new phase of bad attitudes and rebellion as they enter puberty.
Bringing children into this world is a beautiful experience, but let’s not sugarcoat the reality — there will be many moments when you’ll feel immensely tested and question your role as a parent. Especially when the kids you would give your life for act entitled and disrespectful.
One mom took to Reddit to share her daughter’s aggressive reaction to a gift, admitting she needed space from the toddler to process.
In the r/parenting forum, the mom revealed she uses a chart to track her 4-year-old daughter’s behavior and rewards her when she behaves well — a great positive reinforcement tool that helps kids foster accountability and confidence. The young girl received five stickers on her rewards chart, resulting in a small prize.
“She was so excited to receive this prize but when I gave it to her, she exploded with disappointment and rage,” the mom wrote. “She hit me, told me I was a yucky mum, said she didn’t like me anymore, spat at me, and screamed in my face between sobs.”
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The mom felt overwhelmed by her daughter’s violent reaction and didn’t know how to process it.
The mom understandably became overwhelmed and triggered by her daughter’s burst of fury. Despite her attempts to stay calm and validate her daughter, the girl’s behavior only escalated, and the mom felt she had no other choice but to disengage and finish getting ready for work.
“I felt myself shutting down to her. I was over it. Done,” the mom shared candidly. “‘Stop screaming,’ is all I wanted to scream myself.”
The mom astoundingly maintained a composed attitude, but she later cried at work over the overstimulation and anxiety the situation caused her.
At the end of the day, the mom had a talk with her daughter, and the toddler apologized for her actions. The mom still felt like she needed some healthy space to process the situation, and she asked other parents for advice on the matter.
Parenting requires a great deal of patience and maturity.
If you’re anything older than Generation Z, you likely would have experienced a less than forgiving response from your parents if you ever behaved this way.
Back in the day, many parents would believe a spanking qualifies as an appropriate measure for such behavior. Parents in 2024, however, are realizing how punishments like this often only lead to worse behavior, and they are actively trying to break these patterns, opting for gentler practices with stronger benefits. But, boy, is that a challenge.
Let’s be mindful that the child is only four, and emotional regulation takes time.
According to the American Psychological Association (APA), toddlers may not learn effective self-regulation skills until they’re around the age of five. During this phase, toddlers don’t yet understand appropriate strategies for managing complex emotions, like disappointment or fear, and it’s common for them to engage in temper tantrums when triggered. This is ultimately an element of developmental psychology, so it’s important not to blame yourself or your child when encountering these challenging moments.
Reddit users agreed the mom handled the situation gracefully and admirably.
They praised the mom’s emotional maturity in validating her daughter’s disappointment and stepping away to stay calm. Parents shared some of their own challenges they’ve experienced with their toddlers and offered some solutions that have worked for them. They suggested the toddler’s tantrum may not have even been about the gift, and it could have been a reaction to a broader issue.
“I learned recently that kids can hang big feelings on small inconveniences or disappointments,” someone commented on the post. “Honestly, adults do this too, a lot. Think of ‘the straw that broke the camel’s back.'”
“It is OK to draw lines and say, ‘It’s OK to be mad, but it is not OK to hit me or spit.’ It would be good to talk about that in a calm moment,” one parent suggested in the comments.
If anything, the mom’s decision to create some healthy distance between her and her reactive child at that moment may have been the best solution she could consider during an unexpected tantrum.
“If you’re about to lose your cool, take a minute to breathe and calm down before you address the situation,” APA affirmed. Doing so doesn’t mean you are avoiding the situation. Rather, you are avoiding an impulsive or emotional reaction, which can only escalate tension and anxiety.
It’s natural to become dysregulated and emotional when your child acts out over a gift of all things, but alas, this is the nature of many toddlers who are still developing an understanding of emotional regulation.
As the APA advised, mutual anger, consequences, and strict punishments are not the best approaches to bad behavior, as it will only increase the child’s aggression. Rather, continuing to model and reward positive behavior, as well as seeking support when necessary, will be a parent’s guide to connecting with their children and guiding them through these tough moments.
Francesca Duarte is a writer on YourTango’s news and entertainment team based in Orlando, FL. She covers lifestyle, human-interest, adventure, and spirituality topics.
