From academic stress, extracurricular obligations, and the pressure to fit in to dealing with bullies, body image issues, and FOMO fueled by social media, navigating life as a kid is no child’s play.
While challenges in life are unavoidable and often beyond our control, how we respond to them is entirely up to us. For our kids, this can be more complicated. Kids have less ability to regulate their emotions. They may have a harder time recognizing why they may be feeling stressed or anxious, and may be less aware of what to do about it.
“When kids learn healthy coping mechanisms, they become better equipped to handle stress and regulate their emotions, which, in turn, can boost their resilience,” says Dr. Agnesa Papazyan, PsyD. It not only reduces the likelihood of behavioral issues but also improves their social interactions and academic performance, she adds.
Emotionally resilient kids are also more likely to take healthy risks and solve problems independently, adds Dr. Monika Roots, a child and adolescent psychiatrist in Madison.
Useful Coping Skills for Kids
The first step is teaching children that it’s okay to reach out to a trusted adult and share whatever is on their mind. From there, exploring what coping methods work best for them is key, says Susan Tellone, clinical director at the Society for the Prevention of Teen Suicide.
Here are some healthy coping strategies you may consider for your child:
13 Skills for Toddlers And Preschoolers
Engaging in social and active play can help kids this age express their emotions and cope with stressors effectively. For example:
- Role-playing
- Using feelings flashcards or a feelings chart
- Playing with puppets
- Bubble breathing
- Water play
- Dancing
- Jumping rope
- Hugging a stuffed animal
- Bouncing a ball
Dr. Kathryn Smerling, a Manhattan-based family therapist, also recommends:
- Drawing
- Coloring
- Reading a book together
- Practicing positive affirmations like “I am smart,” “I am strong,” and “I am brave.”
“You also have to teach your kids that it’s okay to fail,” says Dr. Smerling. It’s okay if you fall down in the sandbox or can’t read what someone else can. Failure is how you learn to succeed, she adds.
13 Skills For Kids Aged 6-9
Coping skills that include simple mindfulness techniques and creative outlets may work best for this age group. For example:
- Belly breathing
- Sensory play
- Blowing bubbles
- Counting backwards from 100
- Labeling emotions
- Making art
- Movement games
- Imaginative play using dolls or action figures
- Journaling
- Paced breathing
- Doing puzzles
- Positive self-talk
- Creating pros vs cons lists
“I would also teach them the 5-4-3-2-1 technique, which I named The Magic 5,” says Melissa Tract, a child, teen, and young adult therapist. It’s a grounding exercise that involves identifying five things you can see, four you can hear, three you can touch, two you can smell, and one you can taste.
15 Skills For Preteens And Teens
Adolescents who practice healthy coping skills are likely to have lower levels of stress, anxiety, and depression compared to those who use avoidant coping strategies.
Having someone they can talk to who will listen without judgment is super important, says Tellone. Other coping techniques include:
- Box breathing
- Doodling
- Expressive writing
- Guided meditation
- Yoga
- Tai chi
- Mindful walking
- Running
- Making a gratitude jar
- Progressive muscle relaxation
- Spending time in nature
- Holding ice
- Visualizing the circle of control
- Scheduling tech-free breaks
- Positive affirmations like “I’ve got this,” “I am enough,” “I am stronger than I think,” and “I’m in control of my emotions.”
Additionally, engaging in activities that give back to the community can provide a sense of purpose and boost self-esteem, which can help counter negative emotions, says Tellone.
Teaching Coping Skills to Kids
When teaching coping skills to kids, remember that taking over the problem or forcing a coping method is likely to backfire. It can undermine their confidence and ability to handle their own problems. Below, experts share what to do instead:
Model Healthy Coping Behaviors
“Our children, no matter their age, are always watching our behavior, including how we handle stress and create our support systems,” says Tellone.
Dr. Roots agrees, “Kids are like sponges—they’re absorbing everything, even when they don’t seem to be paying attention.”
If they see their parents coping in healthy ways, they are more likely to do the same. So, for instance, when your kid sees you upset, you could say, “Yes, I’m upset right now. I’m going to do my paced breathing. Would you like to join me?”
Even if the child says no, you’re showing by example that it’s necessary to have healthy coping skills to deal with difficult emotions, says Tract.
Experiment With Different Coping Skills
We all feel and manage emotions differently. What works for you won’t necessarily work for your kid. In fact, what works for someone in one situation may not be as effective for the same person in another situation.
That’s why it’s essential to introduce a variety of coping strategies to your kid so they can try and decide for themselves what works best for them in a given situation.
Wait Until Everybody Is Calm
Don’t teach a new coping skill when either you or your kid is upset or stressed out. Instead, choose a time when everyone is relaxed, as kids learn better in a calm and friendly environment.
Use Visual Aids To Make It More Engaging
Consider using visual tools like pictures, videos, cue cards, toys, and sticky notes to help kids learn and remember coping strategies more easily.
Practice Coping Skills Consistently
Building coping skills into our daily routine makes us more likely to use them when we need. Sharing positive affirmations at breakfast, doing gratitude practice together before bedtime, and regular emotional check-ins are some ways to ease into the habit.
Reward Their Efforts
Positive reinforcement can increase motivation and confidence, making kids more likely to repeat healthy behaviors. Dr. Smerling suggests encouraging them with positive language like, “I’m so proud of you for trying” or “You handled that so well!”
For younger kids, Tract suggests making it a part of a game. For example, you can turn coping skills into fun daily challenges and reward their efforts with extra playtime, stickers, or treats.
Set Realistic Expectations
Parents often expect immediate results or completely linear progress, says Rachael Jones, LMFT, PMH-C. But progress, whether for kids or adults, is seldom a straight line. Besides, everyone learns at a different pace. Being patient can create a supportive environment for your kid to learn and improve their coping skills without pressure.
Don’t Dismiss Their Struggles
As adults, we often think of it as “little kids, little problems.” But even those little problems can feel overwhelming to kids facing them. So it’s important not to minimize their emotions, says Tellone.
Instead, listen intently and respond in a way that validates their feelings. For instance, “I can see you’re frustrated. What do you think can help you feel better?”
Keep Developmental Considerations In Mind
For younger kids, keep the language simple and instructions brief, as they have a short attention span.
Similarly, it’s important to remember that kids go through rapid hormonal changes during adolescence. This can significantly impact how tweens and teens experience and manage their emotions, says Tellone.
That said, it’s okay to occasionally point out if you notice they are acting differently or seem off. “It can encourage them to open up about what they’re experiencing or turn to a healthy coping mechanism,” adds Tellone.
Addressing Specific Challenges With Coping Skills
Different situations demand different coping strategies. Here are some effective ways for kids to cope when dealing with:
Academic Stress
Learning to prioritize tasks and limiting distractions can help reduce short- and long-term stress. Dr. Roots suggests starting off by introducing your child to different time management systems like time-boxing, the Pomodoro technique, and the Eisenhower matrix to help them find one that works best for them.
Other coping skills to tackle academic stress include:
- Guided imagery
- Mind mapping
- Limiting multitasking
- Managing screen time
- Challenging perfectionism
- Regular exercise
- Getting enough sleep
Dr. Roots also recommends encouraging kids to organize their study area for better focus and less anxiety.
Social Anxiety
Practice social skills together through role-playing or games, suggests Jones. She also recommends doing grounding exercises before and during social interactions. Like, taking deep breaths, sucking on sour candy, touching something cold, or using fidget rings. It may also help to take breaks during stressful social situations, adds Jones.
Bullying
The first step is to create a safe and supportive environment to let your child know they don’t have to face it alone. Avoid speaking in an authoritative or accusatory tone as it can make them feel pressured or defensive. Instead, be gentle and ask open-ended questions.
Here are three coping skills for kids who have experienced bullying:
- Seeking support: Jones recommends teaching kids that it’s okay to ask for help if they feel unsafe or uncomfortable. For example, they can report it to a trusted adult or talk to a therapist. They can also confide in a friend and use the buddy system at school so that they aren’t alone with the bully.
- Boundary setting: Consider role-playing different scenarios with your child to help them learn about personal space and boundaries, including how to communicate them clearly and assertively and effectively handle conflicts.
- Breathwork: You can also introduce simple breathing exercises like the Darth Vader breath, aka Ujjayi pranayama, to help them tap into mindfulness whenever they feel stressed or overwhelmed.
Loss And Grief
Validate their feelings without trying to distract or “fix” anything, says Dr. Roots. “Answer any questions they may have calmly and reassuringly,” she adds.
Other than that, she suggests the following tips to help kids cope with grief:
- Holding a memorial service for the loved one or pet.
- Going to a particular place you all enjoyed visiting.
- Talking to a friend
- Expressing difficult feelings through drawing, journaling, or any other activity they like.
New Move Or Family Changes
“Try bringing as much structure and normalcy back into your child’s life as soon as possible,” says Dr. Roots. For instance, keep things like morning and bedtime routines as consistent as you can.
Also, consider creating a “calm corner” in your home, suggests Dr. Roots. It can be any quiet space in the house with books, plants, toys, twinkle lights, blankets, and other things that make them feel comfortable.
You can also journal together or encourage younger kids to draw out how they are feeling, adds Dr. Roots.
Supporting Children With Special Needs
When teaching coping skills to kids with special needs, it’s crucial to tailor strategies to their unique needs, interests, and learning styles, says Dr. Papazyan, who specializes in autism spectrum disorder, ADHD, and learning disorders.
Let’s look at 9 key coping skills for kids with special needs:
- Consistent routines: Children with special needs, including those on the autism spectrum, can benefit from having a consistent daily routine. “Routine provides these kids with structure and predictability, which can alleviate anxiety,” Dr. Papazyan explains.
- Role-playing: Use social stories and social scripts to help them practice emotional regulation, social cues, and problem-solving skills in a safe, simple, and structured way.
- Sensory play: Sensory activities can help kids process their feelings in a tangible way through touch and feel, notes Dr. Papazyan. Think playdough, slime, sand, and water play.
- Mindfulness: Practicing mindfulness activities, like body scans, the 5-4-3-2-1 technique, and five-finger breathing, can help ground kids with special needs during stressful moments, says Dr. Papazyan.
- Sensory breaks: For kids with sensory sensitivities, incorporating regular sensory breaks (e.g., jumping, walking in circles, climbing stairs, playing in a sandbox, etc.) can help improve focus and reduce overwhelm.
- Creative expression: Creative outlets like drawing and painting can be effective ways to express emotions, especially for kids who struggle to put their feelings into words, Dr. Papazyan suggests.
- Physical movement: Regular physical activity can be a great outlet for emotional release and self-regulation, says Dr. Papazyan. For kids with limited mobility, consider seated exercises, adaptive yoga, and modified sports like basketball.
- Self-awareness: For preteens and teens, Dr. Papazyan suggests introducing coping skills that promote self-awareness and autonomy, like goal-setting, time management, habit tracking, and journaling.
- Peer support: For teens with special needs, peer support groups can provide a safe space for sharing experiences and coping strategies and improving social skills. All of which can help boost self-esteem and build emotional resilience.
Special Considerations To Keep In Mind
Below, learning specialist Dr. Rebecca Mannis suggests five questions to keep in mind when deciding which coping skills to teach a special needs child:
- Can they follow a long sentence or a three-step direction?
- How long can they sit when tired and hungry?
- Are they slower to warm up to new situations?
- Do they like to talk things through, or are they more of a checklist kind of person?
- Do they need concrete cues to refer to (like alarms on their phone or sticky notes on the fridge), or do they work better with novelty (e.g., surprise activities and interactive tools)?
In addition, Dr. Papazyan recommends using clear, simple language and plenty of visual elements. For example, teach deep breathing using fun visuals, like pretending to blow up a balloon or smell flowers. Use picture cards and videos to help them identify and label emotions. For kids with visual impairment, consider tactile prompts, guided hand movements, storytelling, and rhymes.
For kids with ADHD, it’s important to keep sessions short and interactive. They may also need more frequent encouragement and concrete cueing like sticker charts, says Dr. Mannis.
Lastly, remember that coping skills are never meant to make a child with special needs function as if they don’t have special needs, says Jones. They are only meant to support their well-being.
When to Seek Professional Help
While coping skills are essential, sometimes, kids may need additional support to manage their emotions. Below, Dr. Roots shares some signs that your child may benefit from professional mental healthcare:
- Unusual mood swings and sudden outbursts
- Overwhelming anxiety or excessive worrying
- Loss of interest in activities they used to enjoy
- Emotional numbness
- Social withdrawal
- Significant changes in sleep patterns, such as insomnia or oversleeping
- Noticeable changes in appetite or weight, either considerable increase or decrease
- Difficulty concentrating, making decisions, or remembering things
- Frequent unexplained physical complaints, like headaches or stomach aches
- A decline in performance at school (e.g., slipping grades, missing deadlines, etc.)
- Using alcohol or drugs as a coping mechanism
- Expressing thoughts of self-harm or suicide or engaging in self-destructive behaviors
“Every child is different, so above all else, trust your instincts,” says Dr. Roots.
Keep in Mind
Coping skills for kids are necessary to help them manage stress and emotions in healthy ways and build resilience. By introducing various age-appropriate coping strategies based on their needs and interests, we can prepare kids to handle life’s inevitable bumps and bends with more confidence and clarity.
Teaching these skills is an ongoing process that requires patience, consistency, and leading by example. The payoff is invaluable, though. However, if your child is struggling despite trying coping techniques, it may be time to consider seeking professional mental health support.