Being able to think deeply, question ideologies and challenge beliefs, while also prioritizing being introspective to help growth, are all traits that are considered valuable and highly favored.
Intelligent and self-aware people are often praised for their ability to see the world through a completely different lens, and use that information to better themselves and the people around them. However, they often struggle with trying to be accepted and will sometimes experience life on the sidelines.
Unfortunately, noticing the signs you’re an intelligent and self-aware outcast means you’re also susceptible to existing in functional freeze, according to a nervous system coach Dana Doswell, who explained that this happens because intelligent and self-aware people are desired for their characteristics of being competent. This expectation can be quite overwhelming, leading them to feel a bit like an outsider in many social situations.
Here are 10 subtle signs you’re an intelligent and self-aware outcast
1. You often feel overwhelmed by expectations
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Intelligent and self-aware people are often seen as the type of individuals who “have it all together.” People may go to you for certain things, and having to live up to the expectations and needs of others can be quite exhausting.
People see you as highly capable, reliable, and responsible, but this cycle only ends up with people leaning on you for every little debacle, which, in turn, makes you feel as if that’s your only value. In turn, this just creates another layer of pressure on you, which affects your nervous system.
Because of this, you often feel as if you can never make a mistake, as it would be letting others down, even though you might not have the appropriate answer or solution. There’s also that fear of shattering the image of who you are as a person that exists in others’ minds.
Neurosurgeon Manish Sharma, M.B.B.S. explained that the nervous system is extremely fragile and affects the brain’s ability to communicate with other parts of your body. It’s also hard to heal once it becomes disrupted. That’s why it’s recommended to avoid situations where you’re constantly in this flight, fight, or freeze state, which happens to highly intelligent people often.
2. You feel disconnected whenever you’re in social situations
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This isn’t an uncommon feeling for intelligent and self-aware outcasts, who in social situations may feel as if they’re watching everyone else communicate and connect in a way that just doesn’t include them. In fact, research published in Health Psychology Open suggests a significant portion of highly intelligent individuals experience feelings of social isolation, with some studies indicating that up to 70% of gifted individuals may lean towards introversion, potentially leading to a perception of social disconnect.
Since you tend to engage in deeper, more analytical thinking, your idea of connection to others who may not perceive things the same way is limited. Most small talk and surface-level conversations are simply not interesting or fulfilling enough. It leads to you feeling out of sync with others, and unfortunately, this means that you’re isolated from most social activities.
3. You have increased levels of overthinking and ruminating thoughts
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While intelligent and self-aware individuals have the skill of being able to dissect both information and their own personal emotions in a way that leads to an insightful solution or conclusion, there’s also a thin line of their brains going into overdrive. For you, overthinking and suffering from ruminating thoughts is a direct result of attempting to constantly understand every nuanced experience you’re going through.
Studies have shown an increased correlation between high IQ and increased anxiety, which often manifests as overthinking and overanalyzing situations. In a 2018 study, researchers discovered that people with a higher IQ had a higher chance of being diagnosed with psychological disorders such as mood disorders, ADHD, and autism.
4. You have difficulty asking others for help
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Asking for support or assistance on a specific task, project or event may lead to you exhibiting signs of weakness and incapability. You’re so used to people coming to you for help that, in an instance where the roles are reversed, you tend to freeze up because of this need to constantly be self-sufficient.
A psychoanalyst for the Harvard Business Review explained that this behavior is because intelligent people are programmed to be the “lone ranger,” and feel this sense of panic and fear that by asking others for help, they won’t be seen as independent anymore.
Of course, this mindset only leads to further isolation because of how strongly you’re willing to do something by yourself, even though you would benefit greatly from accepting the help of others, especially when that help comes with compassion from those who care about you and genuinely want to help.
5. You experience an occasional or constant state of being in a ‘functional freeze’
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Functional freeze is described as both a psychological and physiological state where an individual may lack the motivation to carry out tasks, even the simplest of ones, because they are experiencing burnout, stress, or a lack of purpose. One of the most subtle signs you’re an intelligent and self-aware outcast is experiencing functional freeze, especially when dealing with certain expectations, which often means that you feel both emotionally and physically stuck.
You may still carry out tasks, provide support, and maintain a certain image, but inside, you’re suffering from feelings of anxiousness, being overwhelmed, and disconnected. Your constant need to be “on” for the people around you, or even for yourself, means you can’t take a minute for relaxation or rest, and find those moments throughout the day to just check in with yourself and cater to your emotional needs.
6. You suffer from imposter syndrome
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Around one-third of young people suffer from imposter syndrome, and 70% of everyone else is likely to experience it at some point in their lives. Despite their impressive way of thinking and capabilities, intelligent and self-aware people can sometimes feel as if they’re not measuring up to the success and achievements that other people have bestowed them with.
Because you’re an intelligent and self-aware outcast, this only leads to an added pressure of wanting to live up to your worth, even if there’s no need to do that because others are already impressed by your achievements. While speaking with Harvard Business Review, Tiwalola Ogunlesi, a life coach, explained that people who suffer from imposter syndrome should focus on their successes by creating a “monthly wins tracker.”
“Imposter syndrome is just temporary memory loss, where you have forgotten all the amazing things about you,” Ogunlesi said. “We can mitigate imposter syndrome by reflecting on and reminding ourselves of our strengths on a regular basis.”
7. You have a fear of disappointing others
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You often struggle with saying “no” to things, even if it would be beneficial to your overall well-being if you were to just put yourself first for once. By refusing to let others down, you feel an increased sense of being overwhelmed because you’re taking on tasks and projects to support everyone else and, therefore, neglecting your own needs in the process.
This can manifest in professional relationships, friendships, and even with your significant other. Because in your mind, if you refuse to do something, it can end up tarnishing the way that you’re being perceived. But what you fail to realize is that you just end up pushing yourself past your limits. Not only can this lead to feeling isolated from others, but it can take away from feeling like yourself because you’re trying to be another person to cater to someone else’s needs.
8. You may become an emotional anchor for others
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Another of the subtle signs you’re an intelligent and self-aware outcast is that people think you have all the answers to their dilemmas, even if that’s not necessarily true. You take on others’ emotional burdens because of the way you analyze and look at issues.
People seek you out for support, and after a while, if you’re pouring into someone else’s cup and neglecting your own, you start to feel misunderstood and lonely around others.
Setting boundaries will help with feeling as if your only role in a social situation is to provide support for others. It doesn’t have to be stopping yourself from feeling, but rather, preventing yourself from feeling the emotions of others and allowing them to feel it for themselves.
This can include learning how to reduce the number of social interactions, learning to say “no,” which is easier said than done, and keeping conversations from steering into certain topics that usually end up with you providing that emotional support.
9. You often neglect your own personal needs
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This is often a common challenge for intelligent and self-aware individuals. Because you set such high standards for yourself that are often unachievable, this can prevent you from spending time on your own needs. On top of that, you feel the same amount of pressure and expectation from the people around you.
You’re prioritizing the demands and needs of others, along with the ones you set for yourself, and it can become self-destructive. This neglect can manifest in many ways, including emotionally, mentally, and physically. It can even create feelings of resentment, isolation, and thinking others don’t understand you, leading you to feel like an outcast in many scenarios.
10. You struggle to relate to others
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One of the things that comes with being an intelligent and self-aware outcast is not being able to feel a connection with other people, especially considering that you look at experiences through a completely different lens.
Research from Frontiers in Neuroscience suggests that a significant portion of highly intelligent individuals experience difficulty relating to others due to factors like a unique perspective, high cognitive processing speed, and potential communication differences, which end up leading to feelings of isolation or disconnection.
Intelligent individuals are constantly seeking out deeper and more complex ideas and conversations, but that isn’t the case for every single person out there. Some people are content with small talk and surface-level conversations, and while there’s nothing wrong with having either/or, intelligent people then feel a sense of isolation when they’re not able to receive that.
Nia Tipton is a Chicago-based entertainment, news, and lifestyle writer whose work delves into modern-day issues and experiences.
