Source: Emily K. Grieves/Emily Grieves Art/Used with permission
“The journey is complete, and you are made new” (McCormick, L. 2013, p.144)
Several years ago, my husband shared a metaphor about death that has stayed with me. During pregnancy, a baby in the womb can hear muffled sounds, experience vibrations, sense touch, and respond to stimuli. The space between a growing baby in utero and the outside skin of a mother’s belly is about an inch. The baby is just one inch away from the outside world, waiting for the miracle of transition. Before birth, the baby and mother find ways to communicate and experience each other despite the physical separation.
What if the afterlife was just beyond a thin, invisible veil, only one inch away? Could this help us reframe how we connect with those we’ve lost?
Imagining our loved ones being only an inch away might encourage us to stay open to new ways of communicating and feeling their presence. Like a baby kicking in the womb, perhaps our loved ones send us similar “flutters” to get our attention. These signs let us know that they are near. Maybe the separation is temporary, held in place by a necessary but permeable inch, which will, in time, fade.
Día de los Muertos: Celebrating Life, Death, and Continuity
Each year, Día de los Muertos, or Day of the Dead, is celebrated on November 1st and 2nd in Mexico and among Mexican communities worldwide. This vibrant holiday invites us to honor our loved ones who have passed, not with quiet grieving, but with lively celebration. I’ve experienced the holiday in Mexico, where parades, fireworks, costumes, and joyful gatherings bring color to the streets. Día de los Muertos blends ancient Mesoamerican beliefs with Catholic tradition, offering a unique view of death not as an end but as a transition and a continuation of connection.
Source: Emily K. Grieves/Emily Grieves Art/Used with permission
Keeping Our Loved Ones Present
The traditions of Día de los Muertos suggest that there are three deaths:
1. First: When the heart stops beating and the body ceases to function.
2. Second: When the body is laid to rest.
3. Third: And most final, when a person is forgotten (Walden, 2023).
Día de los Muertos guards against this “third death” by keeping our loved ones alive in memory and celebration (Walden, 2023). Families build colorful ofrendas, or altars, adorned with marigolds, candles, photos, favorite foods, and other beloved items. These ofrendas invite spirits home to join the festivities. According to legend, marigolds represent the “flowers of the dead” by guiding them back with scent and color. It’s also said that the foods placed on these altars lose their flavors because the spirits partake in the feasts.
The symbolism of Día de los Muertos is deeply healing. Sugar skulls, or calaveras, are sweet and fleeting, reminding us that life’s pleasures and pains are brief but meaningful. Playfully dressed skeletons engaged in daily activities signify that life goes on, remembered joyously rather than mournfully. These symbols help families honor the personalities, interests, and humor of their loved ones, reminding us that they are “part of the party,” still nearby.
Ofrenda in Teotihuacan, Mexico, The Dreaming House
Source: Emily K. Grieves/Emily Grieves Art/Used with permission
Five Ways to Connect with Your Deceased Loved Ones
Here are some ways to honor and feel close to those who have passed, whether on Día de los Muertos or any time of year:
1. Create a Celebratory Ofrenda
Design a small altar with photos, cherished mementos, foods, and items that capture your loved one’s essence. This dedicated space becomes a comforting place to connect. If possible, add natural elements: flowers (earth), an open window (air), a water font, a candle (fire), and something metallic. Spend time sharing stories and memories in a sacred circle or family gathering. Imagine your future ofrenda: How would you want to be remembered?
2. Write Letters or Keep a Journal
Capture memories, sayings, and any unfinished thoughts in a journal. Write letters to your loved one, expressing yourself fully. Imagine and write their response, creating a comforting “dialogue” that can offer healing and closure.
3. Invite Signs
Stay open to signs from your loved one—a spontaneous song, a scent, an animal appearing, or a sudden breeze. Converse openly with your loved ones and Invite them to send a sign, like a baby’s reassuring kick from the womb. These “nudges” can bring a sense of awe and closeness. Consider your symbol for the afterlife. What symbol resonates most with you? I’ve told my family I’ll come back as a yellow bird—a conviction that feels deeply true for some reason.
4. Celebrate Their Legacy
Reflect on their impact by writing a eulogy or gratitude list for their influence in your life. Share it aloud, if you wish, at their ofrenda. Embrace activities they loved like cooking their favorite dish, visiting a meaningful place, reading their favorite book, or reliving a shared hobby. These acts keep their memory alive in tangible ways.
5. Connect Through Creativity
Honor them by creating something in their memory. This could be art, music, poetry, or a simple craft. I believe your loved one can help inspire and subtly guide your creations. This creative expression becomes a tribute to them and a way to process your thoughts and emotions.
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Conclusion
Día de los Muertos teaches us that death does not need to be feared or felt as a forever farewell. Instead, it invites us to celebrate with our loved ones in open, connecting, and fun ways. Imagining them just an inch away reminds us that we can actively express our love and they can continue to help us shape our lives.
My personal ofrenda for my loved ones
Source: Cheralyn Leeby
