I still remember the first class I ever taught—Theories of Personality. I was a second-year PhD student at Florida International University in Miami. It was the first summer term, starting in early May, and I was assigned to teach in a portable trailer in the back end of the campus. The air conditioning in the portable trailers was famously unreliable, which was never a good thing in Miami during the summer.
On the first day of class, the students filed into the trailer and took their seats. I became increasingly nervous as the time approached when I was supposed to start teaching. What if I messed up? What if the students didn’t like me? What if I just wasn’t cut out for this teaching thing?
Those thoughts and feelings going through my mind are part of what is often referred to as imposter syndrome— the belief that one does not belong in the position one is in. Many people have these thoughts and feelings, though they are not discussed nearly enough. Many of us think that we are the only ones facing these fears.
Yesterday I was conversing with a friend of mine on social media, and she told me that she had struggled with imposter syndrome ever since she was a student. Another friend of mine, who has risen to the rank of provost at his university, told me the same thing about his experiences.
Some people are more likely than others to struggle with imposter syndrome—people who were mistreated as children, people from underrepresented groups, and people who are insecure about themselves in general. But it seems that almost everyone deals with imposter syndrome at one time or another. Do I really belong in academia? Should I really be doing therapy when I have so many problems of my own? Why on earth would anyone listen to me?
One way in which I have dealt with imposter syndrome has been to write affirmations about myself. I am good enough, I do deserve to be here, and people can learn from my experiences. The teaching evaluations I have received in my 27 years of teaching have been largely excellent (except when I was teaching statistics—but doesn’t everyone hate their statistics professor?). Students from 20 years ago still keep in touch with me, still friend me on social media, and still ask me for advice. The friend I was talking to yesterday won a major award at a large professional conference last week. My friend who is provost at his university was named as one of the brightest young minds in the state where he lives. Clearly, all three of us are doing something right, no?
Positive self-talk can also help. We are our own worst enemies and judge ourselves far more harshly than other people do, but we can also be kind and uplifting to ourselves. As long as you are further ahead than you were before, then you have made progress! We are all in a constant state of learning and growth, so judging ourselves for who and where we were earlier in our lives is a useless exercise.
Believe in yourself! You do belong where you are. Now go do something wonderful.
