What Is It and How to Develop It

There is no one path to sobriety. Some follow the typical 12-step program popularized by Alcoholics and Narcotics Anonymous. Others practice being California sober aka where you abstain from the substance you have a harmful relationship with but may use others. And then there are the lone sum who follow a whole host of other strategies like attending support groups.

The point is: we often hear about the physical recovery from addiction—the type of journey highlighted by television shows like “Intervention” or by social media creators like Patrick Ridge. However, according to Vanessa Kennedy, PhD, a licensed clinical psychologist and the director of psychology at Driftwood Recovery, another key dimension of successful recovery is a person’s emotional sobriety.

That may sound daunting, especially if you or a loved one are also in the midst of the physically taxing part of recovery. But emotional sobriety is important—and don’t just trust our word for it. Ahead, experts explain why emotional sobriety is beneficial, how to develop it, what the barriers can be, and how to maintain it for the long haul. 

Understanding Emotional Sobriety

Wait, what is emotional sobriety, again? Nick Padlo, the CEO of Sophros Recovery who came to his work after undergoing his own experiences in recovery, says emotional sobriety is “our ability to have balance and healthy coping skills when life gets hard.”

He continues, adding that “beyond just abstinence from substances, we also have to be able to deal with the ebbs and flows of life. Otherwise, we’ll go back to  our drug of choice in the end.”

“For many years, I ignored emotions and suppressed emotions, and I was prone to [being] what we would refer to as an emotional volcano, where you ignore your emotions for so long [until] you can’t anymore,” he says. “You have kind of this overwhelm of emotions, and they all eventually rush up. And, for me, I coped with those challenges through the use of drugs and alcohol.”

The Benefits of Emotional Sobriety

There is a broad spectrum of benefits to emotional sobriety, whether you are in active addiction, in recovery, or are just seeking new ways to approach your mental health. Practicing emotional sobriety can help someone build healthy communication, acknowledge the active role in their life, create boundaries, and become more emotionally attuned, says Caroline Sahba, LPC-S, the associate director of the counseling and mental health center at TCU.

Researchers have found that those with substance use disorders tend to be emotionally dysregulated. By working on your emotional sobriety and developing the tools to understand yourself and others, your recovery and relationships are benefitted. Plus, understanding and processing your emotions without the barrier of substances is an added benefit in the long run.

Developing Emotional Sobriety

There are many ways to develop your emotional sobriety. For Padlo, he practiced mindfulness and chose to spend three months studying yoga full-time. This helped him cultivate the innate ability to feel, process, and redirect his emotions, which aided his recovery. Even if mindfulness is your forte, other expert-recommended strategies can help you develop sobriety. Some practices include:

• Sharing your feelings with someone you feel safe with
• Seeking out a therapist with expertise in recovery
• Leaning into exercise routines like running or yoga to increase your endorphins and relieve your stress
• Trying a treatment modality like acupuncture
• Participating in activities that provide physical feedback, like a cold plunge
• Focusing on your diet and brain-rich foods
• Finding, building, and maintaining community

Padlo adds that having a solid body and mind routine helps tremendously with his recovery journey. 

“I’ve noticed that if I stop going to meetings, stop talking to my sponsor, stop doing the things that keep me healthy, I start to lose my ability to regulate emotions in a healthy way,” he says. “And conversely, when I’m doing those things, I have much more control over that.”

Overcoming Emotional Sobriety Challenges

Much like with a person’s physical sobriety, maintaining emotional sobriety is not a one-time experience. Sahba says that, from her prior work experience, she’s seen social pressures that can knock one’s emotional sobriety off-course. 

Most of these pressures stem from social relationships with peers and a fear of rejection. “Wanting to seek approval from others and being willing to sacrifice emotional sobriety or their own like sanity to please others,” she notes.

Sahba adds that some of her clients in long-term recovery say that physical sobriety turned out to be the easier part of the equation. “Knowing how to communicate with other people, knowing how to set healthy boundaries, knowing how to take care of myself mentally and emotionally,” is more of a challenge, she notes.

Relationships Help With Maintaining Emotional Sobriety

On the other hand, Kennedy recommends leaning into relationships to maintain emotional sobriety over time. 

“Once you have done the work to achieve it, maintaining it requires practice sharing your feelings with others, tuning into your own emotional need, and even asking others for feedback on how you are doing,” she says. The ultimate goal is to operate from a more peaceful emotional state, so you can cope with whatever life throws your way. 

Resources for Emotional Sobriety

There is a wide variety of resources available related to emotional sobriety, including:

Conclusion

Sobriety, however you choose to approach it, is never just about your ability to avoid your substance(s) of choice. Part of recovery—a key part—is understanding your emotional sobriety. Although the concept of emotional sobriety stems from Alcoholics Anonymous, it resonates with all who are looking for a more emotionally regulated life, whether they’ve dealt with substance abuse disorders or not.