Source: Image by Mircea Iancu from Pixabay
Have you ever looked at someone who seems to radiate joy and wondered, “Are they just lucky?” It’s easy to assume that people who seem to have had easier lives—stable families, good education, successful careers—are simply fortunate when it comes to happiness. Conversely, we might believe those who have faced significant challenges are destined to struggle to find joy.
But is happiness just a matter of luck? After a lifetime of exploring this question, I’ve come to a different conclusion.
Learning from Life’s Challenges
Throughout my life, I’ve sought out individuals who seem genuinely happy, regardless of their external circumstances. These aren’t necessarily the wealthiest, most attractive, or most accomplished individuals. They are simply people who seem to be thriving, despite whatever life throws their way. And when I ask them about the turning point in their lives, the moment that led to their current state of well-being, the answer is always the same: challenges.
These individuals have faced difficulties, just like everyone else. But instead of being defeated by them, they learned and grew from their experiences. They weren’t born happy; they actively created a happy life.
The Discipline of Happiness
These individuals have developed a discipline towards happiness. Their joy isn’t accidental; it’s the result of conscious choices and daily practices.
They understand that external factors, while potentially influential, don’t ultimately determine their happiness. We all know people who seem to “have it all” but are deeply unhappy, and conversely, those who face significant challenges yet radiate joy.
True happiness comes from within—from the constant chatter of thoughts and emotions inside our brains. And this internal world is shaped by two primary forces:
- External Influences: What we expose ourselves to daily—the shows we watch, the conversations we have, the books we read, the music we listen to—all contribute to our inner state.
- Internal Dialogue: The ongoing stream of thoughts within our minds significantly impacts our feelings and overall well-being.
I believe that happy people are incredibly disciplined about these two factors. They are mindful of what they allow into their minds and how they talk to themselves. Instead of passively accepting whatever thoughts and emotions arise, they actively cultivate a positive internal environment.
Feeding Your Mind
Think of your mind like your body. Just as the food we consume affects our physical health, the information and experiences we “feed” our minds impact our mental and emotional well-being. Indulging in negativity—whether through media, toxic conversations, or dwelling on negative thoughts—is like eating a diet of junk food. It might provide temporary gratification, but it ultimately leaves us feeling depleted and unwell.
On the other hand, nourishing our minds with positive experiences, uplifting conversations, and constructive thoughts is like fueling our bodies with healthy food. It might not always be the most exciting option in the moment, but it can lead to long-term well-being and happiness.
Awareness and Choice
Developing a discipline of happiness starts with awareness. Pay attention to how your environment and your thoughts affect you. Notice what lifts your spirits and what drags you down.
This awareness empowers you to make conscious choices. It enables you to step away from the movie that’s filling your mind with negativity, limit your exposure to the news that fuels anxiety, and redirect your attention when you find yourself spiraling into negative thoughts.
Happiness Essential Reads
The Trap of Immediate Gratification
One of the biggest obstacles to happiness is our tendency to seek immediate gratification, even when it comes with long-term consequences. Smoking, excessive alcohol consumption, or spending hours scrolling through social media might provide temporary pleasure, but they ultimately undermine our well-being.
This is where awareness and discipline are crucial. Recognize the patterns in your life. Identify the activities that provide a fleeting sense of pleasure but ultimately leave you feeling worse.
Taking Control: The Power of Lists
Once you’ve identified the patterns and choices that contribute to or detract from your happiness, it’s time to take action. A simple but powerful tool is to create a list:
- Things I Will Do: Include activities that nourish your mind and soul—this might include spending time in nature, engaging in meaningful conversations, pursuing hobbies, or practicing gratitude.
- Things I Will Not Do: List the activities you’re committed to avoiding—such as doomscrolling on social media, watching violent movies, or engaging in negative self-talk.
Review this list regularly, especially when you feel tempted to fall back into old habits. Having a concrete reminder of your commitments can help you stay on track and make choices that align with your happiness goals.
Creating Healthy Habits
We are creatures of habit. Replacing negative habits with positive ones requires effort and discipline. But with consistent practice, new habits will form, and your default settings will shift towards greater happiness.
Remember the study about children’s eating habits? When presented with a variety of healthy options, they naturally made balanced choices. Similarly, when we cultivate an environment that supports our well-being and make conscious choices that nourish our minds, we create a fertile ground for happiness to flourish.
Happiness is a Choice
Happiness isn’t something that happens by chance. It’s a skill that can be cultivated through awareness, discipline, and effort. By paying attention to the internal and external factors that shape our minds, making conscious choices that support our well-being, and developing healthy habits, we can create a life filled with joy and fulfillment.
It’s time to stop waiting for happiness to find us. Let’s actively choose it, every single day.
