A stressed out couple
Source: Pexels, Ars Vertica
Election tension in the United States lingers well past voting day. Additionally, politics can affect relationships. From casual friendships to lovers, what seems to be distressing is not just choosing a candidate, but the aftermath. Even an uncontested election will leave approximately half the nation unhappy.
Within relationships, dissatisfaction with an election outcome might even mirror or magnify disagreements between couples and among families.
Romantic relationships work best in politically similar situations
According to a study reported in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, researchers looked at data from over 4,000 people, including more than 500 couples, to see how common it is for partners to differ politically, what factors might lead to such differences, and how these differences affect relationships. “They discovered that only about 23 percent of couples had different political party affiliations, and less than 8 percent were made up of one Democrat and one Republican.” (Gordon and colleagues, 2024)
In another report Human Communication Research, “People in politically similar romantic relationships are more satisfied in their relationships and more politically participative than those who are in dissimilar relationships.” (Peacock and colleagues, 2022)
However, Frangmeier and colleagues, 2020, found that in exploratory analyses, Republicans paired with Democrats tended to report substantially lower relationship adjustment than if paired with Republicans. The report noted, “Implications for political differences among intimate partners and clinical work around these themes are discussed.”
In reviewing the research it appears that relationship stability might be a deciding factor in terms of compatibility and the ability to withstand political differences.
A notable exception to similar political backgrounds
A notable exception to the stressful pairing of a Republican and Democrat can be viewed in the relationship of Mary Matalin and George Carville. In their book Love & War: Twenty Years, Three Presidents, Two Daughters & One Louisiana Home, they explore their work and their love.
While she is a Republican strategist and he is an outspoken Democrat, highly critical of members of the GOP, the two have a home in New Orleans, filled with cats. She loves them, he doesn’t. When asked what keeps their family together, the quick answer is, “Love.”
Since political angst is exacerbated during election time, focusing on the relationship itself and the decisions one makes to keep relationships healthy is a wise choice.
7 steps to getting a relationship back on track
When disagreements occur, political or otherwise:
- Identify the problem or conflict.
- Assess the pros and cons of your feelings about the conflict.
- Put aside differences and identify what you have in common.
- Review reasons you are grateful for your partner, friends, or family.
- Focus on love and gratitude.
- Consider how you might make peace with the outcome of a situation, even the election, if it is not what you had wished.
- Ask yourself if there is a compromise; that is, a way to please yourself and others, without compromising your values.
In decision-making groups, women who hid their feelings later admitted that they were afraid of making the wrong decision. Very often, when asked what they meant by “the wrong decision,” they said they were afraid that their decision would not please others.
The value of record keeping and intuition
To boost decision-making confidence, keeping a journal is helpful. It will also guide you and may give you an idea as to the patterns of decision-making that are stressful and how to handle these stresses. While logical steps to decision-making combined with intuition are valuable, it’s your intuition that may give you the confident edge.
Copyright Rita Watson, MPH 2024
