Many parents envision that their child will go to college, but what do you do when your child appears to lack ambition?
One anonymous father turned to Slate’s Pay Dirt advice column with this exact concern. They no longer have the money to send her to college, and while she is academically brilliant, she is also quite lazy.
He is understandably concerned since she will need to begin looking into ways to reduce the cost of college, such as scholarships. To make matters worse, her mother, his ex, keeps promising her money for college, which does not exist.
A dad is worried about his unambitious daughter’s future after his ex promises her money for college that she doesn’t have.
The concerned dad had initially saved approximately $10,000 for his daughter’s education, but unfortunately, he suffered from an illness that had him drowning in medical bills. Needless to say, the money is gone.
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His daughter is 16, and although she is academically intelligent, he said without constant nagging, she is lazy. Since she moved in with her mother, her grades have declined and she was barely able to pass her sophomore year.
“Her mother would rather be her friend than a parent,” he said.
The father is concerned that his daughter is relying on her mother’s promise to pay for college and has stopped trying to get good grades in high school.
On top of his daughter’s loss of motivation, his ex is now promising her money for college that she doesn’t have, considering she lives off of her own mother and has a major gambling addiction that led to the pair’s divorce.
He’s now very concerned for his daughter’s future since she appears to have no interest in her studies and is doing the bare minimum to pass her classes.
While he has tried to discuss looking into options her school offers, such as work-study or dual credit, she pays no attention.
The dad just wants the best for his daughter and doesn’t know how to help her.
Athena Valentine, a financial advice columnist at Slate, urged him to figure out if college is even something she wants to pursue. Her disinterest in finding ways to pay for college may be a disinterest in attending college at all.
College is not the be-all and end-all plan for everyone after high school. There are other options, such as trade school, joining the workforce, apprenticeships, and more.
According to the Pew Research Center, 40% of Americans believe that a college degree is of little to no importance, so don’t think that your child is the odd one out if they aren’t gravitating towards a four-year university. Many are embarking into the real world and forgoing higher education or simply putting it off for a while.
Parents need to support their children’s choices for their future, even if those choices don’t match their parental dreams.
While this dad hopes his daughter will get her act together and go to college, he may need to accept that that may not be what she wants.
Valentine advised him to take her out to lunch in a neutral place and ask her about her plans after high school. Without judgment, they might be able to come up with a plan they are both excited about.
If she reveals that she does want to pursue higher education, then he needs to let her know that there is no money for tuition so scholarships and financial aid will be necessary.
Valentine suggested working out a payment plan for college and looking into options such as dual credit or community college.
No matter what path his daughter chooses, it’s important that she acknowledges the reality of their financial situation.
This father needs to impress upon his daughter the seriousness of their financial situation. Whether she wants to go to trade school or college, she needs to know that no money awaits her once she finishes high school.
She needs to see through the lies her mother is telling her and face the facts. A good parent will support you through bad times, not bring bad times your way.
If she keeps believing her mother, the real world will hit her hard once she graduates, and she won’t be equipped to deal with the challenges she will face.
Sahlah Syeda is a writer for YourTango who covers entertainment, news, and human interest topics.
