Do you know that defeated feeling of “back to square one” after just one drink?
Having been through my share of Day 1s, I know how sobriety can feel like a steep mountain to climb, where one misstep seems to have the power to erase all hard work. At least that’s the narrative mainstream recovery makes us believe—any deviation from your end goal is a sign of failure:
- You wanted to quit drinking but had a drink last week? You’ve failed.
- Achieved three months of sobriety but succumbed over the weekend? You’re back to square one.
But did you know that all big things are made of small things, and every monumental achievement is composed of smaller, often unnoticed steps?
From Little Things, Big Things Grow
Think of some of the biggest accomplishments you’ve made in life, whether it’s earning a degree, landing your dream job, or mastering a new language. Can you see the incremental steps that led to these successes?
- Every college degree consists of attending one lecture, completing one assignment, and earning one credit at a time.
- Securing your dream job involves every bit of experience you’ve listed on your resume, every word you’ve typed out in your cover letter, and every interview question you’ve aced.
As someone who learned English as a second language, I can personally vouch for the fact that fluency comes from learning one new word, one grammar rule, and one phrase at a time. There’s no shortcut to overnight fluency—it’s all about adding up those little lessons day by day until you suddenly find you’ve got the hang of it.
The same is true when it comes to sobriety.
Charting the Small Wins in Sobriety
I get it that you’re serious about sobriety. Maybe you have lost control one time too many in the past, perhaps a completely alcohol-free life is what you want, or even need, or you have simply decided you are sick and tired of feeling sick and tired, and alcohol has no more place in your life.
Yet, that alcohol-free life is made of many, many small steps where you learn how to:
- Say no to a drink in a social setting.
- Enjoy a mocktail over a cocktail.
- Unwind in the evening without turning to the wine glass.
- Manage your anxiety without resorting to old “liquid courage.”
There is no such thing as one big long stretch of sobriety—what it really is is a series of alcohol-free days strung together, and each alcohol-free day is made of many small alcohol-free decisions. The continuation is far less important than the accumulation of the number of times when you chose sobriety over influence.
Each time you say “No, thank you” to a drink, you are choosing something new over the old pattern, building and reinforcing a new pathway in your brain. Just as I can’t learn to speak a new language fluently without making a fool of myself a few times (like pronouncing “sheet” as “sh*t” during a class presentation), learning to live a life with limited alcohol means you will have learned how not to drink—often by falling back to drinking a number of times.
Success is not measured by how many times we misstep but by how far we choose to continue moving forward despite the hiccups. In fact, the missteps are what allow us to get further, as they are the only way we learn and get better. Borrowing the wisdom from Baptist pastor Jack Hyles, “Success is on the same road as failure; success is just a little further down the road.”
Savoring Success: Recognizing Small Wins in Your Journey
This month, I invite you to learn to celebrate small wins because they are what big wins are made of.
Here are some small wins you can celebrate:
- Stopping at the second drink without reaching the third glass—that’s progress!
- Choosing a mocktail over a cocktail at a dinner party—you are learning to enjoy yourself with an alcohol-free alternative!
- Skipping drinking last night and opting for taking a walk outdoors—you’re practicing choosing sobriety over being under the influence!
What small win can you celebrate today?
Feeling stuck and unsure what to celebrate? Check out my “Everyday Victories: Sobriety Small Win Checklist” for more everyday victories that deserve to be acknowledged and celebrated.
