Having your first child is a big deal, for you and those who love you. In some cases, you may be welcoming the first grandchild into the family, exciting the grandparents-to-be.
One pregnant woman’s mom was a bit too excited, however, and her actions encouraged her daughter to set some much-needed boundaries.
A pregnant woman’s mom insisted she have a gender reveal party that she doesn’t want.
“My mom, in particular, is very excited because this will be her first biological grandchild,” the mom-to-be wrote in a Reddit post.
The woman explained that her relationship with her mother was complicated. “She’s always been kind of an overbearing mom, wanting to know where I was going and where I was 24/7 in high school,” she admitted, “and it always drove us apart.”
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After graduating high school and moving out of her mom’s house, their relationship greatly improved. But it seems her pregnancy brought out the worst of her mom’s domineering tendencies.
“Now that I’m pregnant, she’s gone back to her helicopter-controlling parent ways, and I don’t know how to set certain boundaries with her without ruining our relationship again,” the woman wrote.
The latest drama started with the question of how the couple would reveal the baby’s gender.
The pregnant woman, who called herself a “very anxious person,” said she was interested in genetic testing that would show if “any chromosomal abnormalities” existed. She was surprised to learn that this would also tell her the gender of the baby much earlier than anticipated.
“Since my relationship with my mom has been better, I’ve called her about everything, so I mentioned it on the phone one day,” she said. “Big mistake on my part because now she wants to do a big gender reveal party, and I’m just not the type of person that wants something like that.”
“I know me saying that I don’t want a party about me surrounded by a bunch of people that are supportive may sound like I’m acting spoiled and ungrateful, but I genuinely just don’t like the attention on me like that,” she added. “Plus, I already know we’re most likely going to have a baby shower, so two separate parties sounds excessive.”
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The woman said that she and her boyfriend tried to come up with “compromises” that could potentially work in place of the gender reveal party, like combining it with the baby shower or only inviting immediate family. However, nothing felt right.
“Really, what we wanted to do was get the gender in an envelope and have a cake made with either pink or blue on the inside and go on a picnic finding out with just the two of us,” she said. “But of course, my mom shot this down and said she doesn’t want us to do that.”
Now, the woman is questioning how to set healthy, necessary boundaries with her mother without further damaging their relationship.
Setting boundaries with your parents as an adult is no easy feat.
It’s certainly not easy to set boundaries with your parents, even when you’re grown up and preparing to become a parent yourself.
PsychCentral said that part of what makes setting boundaries in these relationships so difficult is the fact that there is a “power imbalance.” Your parents cared for and raised you, so you feel indebted to them.
PsychCentral also said that two reasons boundaries are necessary are “helicopter parenting,” which this mom was accused of, and “trying to control their child’s decisions,” which she is certainly doing.
Ultimately, as an adult, no one can tell you what to do but you — even your parents. If this woman doesn’t want a gender reveal party, then she must tell her mom and stand her ground.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer for YourTango who covers entertainment, news and human interest topics.
