Many people have had the same group of friends since they were kids. If this includes you, during this time, you likely confided your deepest, darkest secrets to them, trusting them with your life.
Unfortunately, trusting certain people may end up being a huge mistake, because not all friends are real friends. Though it might not seem like a big deal now, their actions clearly affected you, following you into adulthood.
Here are 9 signs you were surrounded by fake friends growing up — and it’s affecting you now
1. They constantly betrayed your trust
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It can be hard to open up to others, especially as you’re growing up and becoming a complete person. To be vulnerable is to shed those built-up walls, which is terrifying. So, imagine your surprise when your supposed best friend destroys your trust.
Likely, you felt devastated. And as you grow into an adult, this can affect your relationships for the worse.
Research has shown that attachment issues and distrust may lead to psychological abuse. This may cause the person in question to look at their partner’s phone, stalk their location, and place unfair blame onto them. And that’s toxic for both parties involved.
2. They belittled your achievements
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Growing up, you might have accomplished many things. Maybe you began a healthy relationship or received an award for your academic success.
Your friend might have appeared excited for you on the outside. They may have given you a reassuring smile or a happy congratulations. But at the same time, they belittled you, likely because they were jealous.
Thanks to their insecurities, you now feel the need to downplay your successes as an adult, and it’s unhealthy. If you can’t find joy in the small moments, you won’t appreciate the bigger ones. Plus, expressing joy is great for your health.
3. They disrespected you
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Feeling disrespected isn’t a good feeling but, unfortunately, fake friends don’t care about your comfort. They’re so stuck on making themselves feel better, they don’t pause to think about how their actions affect those around them, including you.
Because of this, you might have faced remarks that were uncalled for, damaging your self-esteem in the process. But having someone in your life constantly disrespecting you leads to poor boundaries and, according to clinical psychologist Monica Johnson Psy.D., this leads to feeling overwhelmed.
Johnson says that you may lean on external validation, which can lead to impulsive behaviors in order to avoid relationship problems. And this, as you can imagine, impacts your ability to form meaningful connections as an adult.
4. They peer pressured you
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Most people have a desire to fit in. Yet, the lengths they are willing to go to are concerning sometimes. If you grew up with fake friends, you were likely peer pressured to engage in activities outside of your comfort zone. On the surface, this may not seem like a big deal, but it’s not something to take lightly.
Peer pressure can turn us into people-pleasers who have a hard time asserting themselves. Through this, you might engage in things that go against your truest desires. And when you live your life pleasing others, it’s bound to end badly.
According to clinical psychologist Debbie Sorensen, people-pleasers are prone to burnout. They’re thoughtful, which is why it’s hard for them to set boundaries. And because of this, they might find themselves taking on extra work or getting emotionally invested.
5. They teased you
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It can feel like a punch to the gut when your friends tease you for every little thing. Feeling insecure, you might even begin to question if they’re right. Are you really as weird or insignificant as they claim?
Growing up with fake friends, you may not have realized that they didn’t put you down for any little reason; rather, it’s likely because they got a kick out of seeing you suffer. And having people around you like this can cause irreversible damage.
Time and time again, it’s been shown that being teased results in body dissatisfaction and eating disorders in adulthood. If you find that you suffer from these feelings, it’s highly likely your friends were fake and it’s still affecting you now.
6. They never had anything positive to say
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Surrounding yourself with negative influences can only harm you in the end. When you constantly hear disparaging remarks or snide comments, it changes your brain, making you more prone to negative thinking.
But a little negative thinking can cause damage. According to one study, negative thinking correlates with lower well-being, which can explain why you find yourself feeling so down years later. Your negative thoughts are quite literally dragging you down, making it harder for you to stay positive.
7. They gaslighted you
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Gaslighting is misunderstood and, because of that, isn’t always taken seriously. To be clear, gaslighting can have devastating consequences. Victims of gaslighting are often lied to, leaving them to question what they know to be true.
But that isn’t the worst thing gaslighters do to their victims. One study looking at romantic relationships determined that survivors of gaslighting experienced a diminished sense of self, increased guardedness, and a distrust of others.
As you can imagine, this can impact your mental health, making it harder for you to form connections as an adult.
8. They purposely left you out
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It’s human nature to want to belong somewhere. Berkeley Executive Education says that human connection is just as important to our physical and mental health as healthy eating. This is why being constantly excluded from your friend group is so harmful in the long run.
It quite literally goes against your natural instincts and nature. Studies also back up the importance of social connectedness, adding that there’s an overall agreement in public health literature that socializing promotes mental health and decreases mortality rates.
When we’re constantly struck with loneliness, it can lead to worsening health like depression or anxiety. As an adult, you might fear loneliness, a similar feeling to when you were excluded and isolated.
To avoid this, you probably did everything in your power to fit in, even if it meant going against your better judgment.
9. They never accepted the real you
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If you grew up with fake friends, they never got to know the real you. You were likely too afraid to explore your truest desires and wishes, all thanks to their lack of real friendship.
Now, as an adult, you’re stuck in an impossible space in between not knowing who you are, and being too afraid to discover yourself.
If you find yourself in this headspace, know that you’re not alone. Around 70% of people have faked their happiness at one point, but getting the help you need and slowly pushing yourself could give you the strength you need to live authentically, regardless of what others think.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor’s in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.
