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The Revealing Men podcast typically features conversations that seek to pull back the curtain to reveal the inner lives of men. For this conversation, host Randy Flood, psychotherapist and Director of the Men’s Resource Center of West Michigan, and his guests, somatic therapists Ken Porter and Monica Vergara do more than pull back the curtain; they move into the space where the most complex of relationships take place: physical intimacy. In a discussion that sets out to debunk sexual myths and introduce healthy sexual ideas, the trio first tackles the idea of “consent.” More specifically, does the hotness of sex get compromised by having to get consent along the way? Does it eradicate erotica and make sex boring? Flood launches the topic this way, “I think it would be good to talk about this notion of consent; how we can view it as an ally for safety and respect, and how we can also view it as a vehicle for arousal.” He, Porter, and Vergara share what they see as the challenges and rewards of intimate sexuality and the role consent can play. Each believes that respectful communication and being open and honest about expectations can lead to healthier and more fulfilling expressions of relational sex – even in short-term relationships. So, in answer to the question: Can there be “hot sex” in the age of consent? The consensus of Vergara, Porter, and Flood is “yes!”
Tune in to the full Revealing Men podcast on Apple podcasts, Google podcasts, Spotify, or Stitcher to hear why “no” doesn’t have to be negative and how to better identify and express your own wants and hesitancy when it comes to sexual intimacy. But be warned. Things get a bit spicy.
Improve Relationship and Intimacy Skills
Not everyone is comfortable with the idea of talking about sexual intimacy. The Men’s Resource Center hopes to change that by working to – as Randy Flood says in the podcast – “destigmatize this notion that sex has to be some secret; some hidden thing that we only do and talk about in privacy.”
For men, although cultural norms are changing, the old ideas of pursuit and conquest are often difficult to ignore. And, the internal pressure to perform and please is hard to cast aside. Because so little information is conveyed about sexuality and intimacy, men are often left to figure it out on their own. The podcast addresses how some might use pornography as a teaching tool. And how some get stuck there, finding it a private, safe, and easy place for sexual fulfillment. Unfortunately, this can lead to further isolation and loneliness. It doesn’t have to be this way.
Resources that Meet Your Needs
The Men’s Resource Center offers a range of counseling and coaching programs to help men better navigate their relationship with sex and sexuality. These include men’s support groups, general counseling, sex addiction counseling and coaching, and Hakomi therapy. We are here for men who want to transform their lives into a healthier, more satisfying sexuality. Ultimately, the goal – in Monica Vergara’s words—is to “[Be] curious and [remain] open and flexible rather than [allow] the scripts to continue to restrict us and bind us.” If you are interested in learning more about the Men’s Resource Center’s counseling, coaching, and consultative services connect with us online or call us at 616-456-1178.
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