Take a moment outside in the world and find some new balance in your life.
Source: Carrie Knowles
It was a perfect storm, and we didn’t see it coming. Our radar was down, and, if there were emotional storm chasers out there, we didn’t believe them. In fact, we couldn’t pay attention because we were too busy using the Internet to stay in touch with friends (Facebook), ordering high-end fashion for less and whatever else we thought we needed (Amazon), attending meetings from home (Zoom), watching Netflix instead of going to the movies with friends, and just generally browsing for information rather than going to the library, talking with friends, or making a doctor’s appointment to check on that funny mole.
All good, perhaps, but it kept us indoors and isolated.
Then, along came COVID and rocked our world in ways we will be sorting out for decades to come. In fact, given the ease of the Internet for shopping, work, connection, and entertainment, there was little or no reason to take a chance on COVID by leaving home.
Like an unwanted visit from your crazy uncle, COVID stayed a bit too long, in fact got comfortable being around, and changed the way we live.
In short, we started living much more isolated lives, and isolation not only sparks loneliness but creates a feeling of division in our communities and society at large. This situation is so impactful that the U.S. Surgeon General’s Advisory on the Healing Effects of Social Connection and Community issued a report in 2023 about the Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation.
This report revealed that isolation is not only a primary cause of loneliness, but it also impacts our physical as well as our mental health. According to this study, isolation and the resulting loneliness are associated with a greater risk of cardiovascular disease, dementia, stroke, depression, anxiety, and premature death.
As stated in the study:
“The mortality impact of being socially disconnected is similar to that caused by smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day… And the harmful consequences of a society that lacks social connection can be felt in our schools, workplaces, and civic organizations, where performance, productivity, and engagement are diminished.”
Surprised? I’m not sure I am.
What do coffee shops have to do with this?
For me, going to coffee shops is a baseline. A beginning. A way to get out of the house at least once a day. It’s a start.
I sometimes go alone just to get out of the house, and sometimes invite friends to join me: no phones, no agendas, just coffee/tea and some time out in the world. If I have to take a meeting with someone (or a few people) local, I’ll suggest we meet at a coffee shop to work together, rather than Zoom or talk on the phone.
I’m particularly fond of outdoor cafes. They feel safer given the recent surge of COVID, and, when the weather is nice, it just feels great to be sitting outside drinking iced tea, and if I’m lucky, talking with someone, be it a friend, colleague or family member.
Want to find out what your children or grandchildren are doing or dreaming? Invite them to meet you for afternoon tea and treats: no phones, no television, no distractions: a pause in the day to connect.
Why not just invite folks to come to your home? Because meeting in a coffee shop is like stepping into neutral, everybody equal territory. Think of it as a kind of DMZ of our divided lives.
It’s a start
The political scientist Robert Putnam talks about two kinds of social capital: bonding social capital and bridging social capital.
Bonding social capital is the connection we have with people who are just like us. Bridging social capital is connecting with people who are different from you.
Going to a coffee shop with family and friends generally builds bonding social capital. That’s easy.
That bridging social capital thing is harder. Think of it as the next big giant step in working through isolation and in rebuilding community.
Friends outside of your comfort zone
Our isolated lives have created some very tense and complicated social and political divisions in our society. That We vs Them thing is the biggest and scariest elephant in the room these days.
I had a dear and treasured friend who was as far right as I am left, but over years of working together, we built a connection that made it possible for us to meet in a coffee shop and talk about any and everything without judgment (for the most part) and with support (almost always) for the other person.
Quite unexpectedly, she died in her sleep several years ago.
I’ve missed her every day since and find myself wishing she were here so we could talk openly about the tensions in our world to see if we could find common ground, or at least a way to support each other in our different views.
That kind of common ground is worth risking getting out of the house and sharing a cup of coffee or two.
