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In honor of sexual health month, let’s talk about your sexual well-being and how you can improve it no matter who you are or where you are in life.
Most people, when they think of sexual well-being, think of one thing: sexual satisfaction.
Our definition may envision someone who enjoys exciting and plentiful sex, multiple orgasms, and impressive sexual self-confidence.
The truth is that sex researchers today conceptualize sexual well-being in much more holistic terms — and as something tied to your innermost self.
More specifically, modern definitions of sexual well-being consider a person’s full range of physical and emotional sexual needs. It describes not just sexual satisfaction but other components that similarly predict mental health and self-esteem, such as sexual identity, trauma, self-forgiveness, and shame.
Importantly, sexual well-being also no longer depends on being in a relationship or having copious amounts of sex. Whether or not you are single, married, kinky, in an open or polyamorous relationship, straight, cis, or trans, your sexual well-being deserves to be prioritized.
Modern definitions of sexual well-being also acknowledge diversity and serve to normalize forms of sexual expression that historically have been pathologized. For example, kinks and fetishes, once all characterized as “paraphiliac disorders,” are now primarily understood as perfectly healthy forms of sexual expression so long as consent and safety exist.
Similarly, fueled by Alfred Kinsey’s pioneering research, it is now recognized that sexual orientation and gender naturally exist along a range of multidimensional continuums, all of which are, again, perfectly healthy.
Given our more comprehensive understanding of sexual well-being, exactly what does it now entail?
A new study shows that at its heart lie seven essential domains: sexual safety and security, sexual respect, sexual self-esteem, sexual resilience, sexual forgiveness, sexual self-determination, and sexual comfort. These domains stem from the following well-established definition of sexual well-being described by the authors:
[Sexual well-being] implies “sexual emotions and cognitions which include feeling safe, respected, comfortable, confident, autonomous, secure, and able to work through change, challenges, and past traumas.”
To measure sexual well-being, the authors developed a thirteen-item scale, each with questions that speak to the heart of the above domains.
To arrive at and establish the validity of these questions, the authors conducted meaningful analyses of interview and survey data. They also looked to see how well the questions predicted other aspects known to correlate with sexual well-being, such as mental health and sexual self-esteem.
Testing your sexual well-being provides a snapshot into your inner emotional and sexual landscape. These questions also provide information about where you need extra support and improvement.
After all, self-knowledge is power and the first step to change.
Below are the 13 final questions that assess sexual well-being according to this newly published scale:
- I feel in control of my sexual thoughts and desires.
- I feel comfortable with my sexual identity and preferences.
- People close to me accept my sexual identity and preferences.
- Some of my sexual thoughts and desires make me feel ashamed (negatively scored).
- I worry about what might happen to me in my future sex life (negatively scored).
- In the last month, I felt upset with myself about mistakes I made in my sexual past (negatively scored).
- In the last month, I felt upset with others about things they did to me in my sexual past (negatively scored).
- I have unwanted thoughts during sexual activities (negatively scored).
- During sexual activities, I felt vulnerable when I did not want to be (negatively scored).
- In the last month, I only did sexual activities that I really wanted to do.
- My sex life is pleasurable.
- I have someone I can talk to openly about my sex life.
- I feel able to be “in the moment” and focused during sexual activities.
Perhaps what’s most notable about this scale is how it reflects a fuller picture of one’s sexual inner landscape than simply looking at sexual satisfaction.
Instead, emphasis is placed on how at peace a person is with their wants and desires, identity, and the extent to which they can feel fully present during sex.
These questions also identify how in control one feels about their sexual decision-making and how much they may or may not beat themselves up about sexual decisions or events that occurred in the past.
The scale also reflects the extent to which a person has healed from possible sexual trauma.
To be clear, a person’s ability to feel in the moment during sex and focus on the sensations in their body, free of “spectatoring,” an experience identified as crucial to pleasure by famed Kinsey Institute researchers Masters and Johnson, is given due emphasis.
The source of anxious thoughts, whether from shame, self-judgment, or insecurity, is also pinpointed, drawing attention to things that might be getting in a person’s way.
Remember that how you answer these questions reflects a snapshot in time, not a permanent aspect of your sexual self. By guiding your attention to areas of strength and opportunities for healing and growth, your answers can guide your work toward improvement, whether alone or with a trusted therapist.
