We spent over a year looking for bobolinks before we found this one!
Source: Josh Bartok / used with permission
By Lizabeth Roemer, Ph.D., and Josh Bartok
I wrote previously about the ways that birding can reduce stress, enhance attentional capacity, and promote awe, openness, and connection. I have also found that birding provides an excellent opportunity to practice developing specific goals and aspirations while also practicing with holding them loosely.
When we set out to bird in a new place or at a familiar site, I often identify one or more birds that I am hoping to see on that outing. I might review a list of birds seen at this site recently and choose birds that would be “lifers” (first-time sightings ever), “FOYs” (first sighting of the year), or birds that I particularly enjoy seeing (great blue herons regularly bring me joy). I do what I can to increase the chances that we will see the selected bird(s)—studying the available lists to see if birders have left details about where they saw the bird, learning specific behaviors to look for, trying to get to the site at a time when the bird is likely to be there, and studying photographs and sounds of the bird so we are as prepared as possible to recognize it if we happen to see it.
Sora
Source: Josh Bartok/ Used with permission
Sometimes we do indeed see the bird we are looking for! It is extremely satisfying to prepare and plan and then find the target bird, enjoy viewing it, ideally get a photograph, and then share it with other birders nearby. Most recently we saw a sora, a notoriously “shy” bird who is commonly in dense reeds and rarely seen, when a kind birder pointed it out to us. We felt a sense of accomplishment and enjoyed the time we spent watching this beautiful bird make its way around the water—including taking an adorable bath in the lagoon!
But sometimes—frankly, often—we don’t see the bird we are looking for. Sometimes the bird-listening app I use hears the bird I’m hoping for… but we can’t spot it and sometimes it is just nowhere to be seen or heard.
This circumstance, which may seem “unfortunate,” actually allows us to cultivate a non-attached joy reflected in appreciating good views, common birds, togetherness, nature, and things as they are. Even in “failure,” we still have a wonderful time!
A surprise great blue heron on our path
Source: Josh Bartok / Used with Permission
Earlier this summer, we spent many successive trips looking for indigo buntings at various sites nearby, but never managed to see even a single one. On one outing, we unexpectedly came upon a great blue heron walking in front of us on the path! That wasn’t on our list of goals, but it was just as satisfying as the sora sighting.
These regular experiences allow me to strengthen my ability to recognize and identify my preferences without making them into requirements. Desires (and aversions) inevitably arise for us as humans, and no amount of practice causes that to be otherwise. And when they do, we can notice their arisings, sometimes (appropriately) attempt to honor them, yet still spaciously appreciate an underlying okayness that is not dependent on things going our way. Then we are able to connect to a much more durable and less circumstantial kind of well-being.
This skill, of course, applies to all other aspects of our lives.
Holding Goals Loosely
Identifying goals is an important part of our lives. We make to-do lists, identify goals for the year, semester, or week, and plan to work toward them. Sometimes, perhaps often, we meet our goals; other times, things take longer than we expected, or something else comes up that demands our attention and we have to adjust our plans.
Just like with birding, being flexible helps us not to get bogged down in disappointment, frustration, or self-blame and instead adjust to our context, reevaluate, and make a new plan. For me, this sometimes takes the form of shifting away from an administrative task to a person in front of me who could use my support and recognizing the value of that work, even if it wasn’t on a to-do list.
Emotional Aspirations, Not Requirements
We can also apply this strategy to our emotional responses. We often desire or prefer a certain feeling, but that may not be what arises for us in a moment.
I recently returned to school after a sabbatical and a summer. I wanted to feel excited to go back to school, see my colleagues and students more regularly, and do a job that I know that I enjoy and value.
Yet I mostly felt dread and sadness at the impending end of more spacious time and flexibility in my schedule. When I stopped trying to feel differently, I was able to make room for the understandable emotions that were arising and also notice the moments of excitement or pleasant anticipation as they arose.
Similarly, if we notice we are feeling down, we can certainly intentionally do things that might bring us a sense of joy or connection with the goal of improving our mood. At the same time, we can also recognize that sadness may be with us right now, an inevitable if temporary companion, and we don’t have to require ourselves to feel differently.
Who Can Say? Imagining Possibilities
Our ability to imagine what might come and choose the path we are working for is a powerful skill that helps us to head in meaningful directions. If we get too rigidly attached to the possibilities we imagine, we may find ourselves disappointed and stuck, and we may miss unanticipated outcomes that we can also enjoy.
We can enhance our flexibility by remembering “Who can say?” While working toward possibilities we’ve imagined, we can notice when something unexpected arises, even an apparent barrier or unwanted event. While disappointment or frustration may naturally arise, we can also cultivate curiosity and wonder as to what may come next. We can remember that our opinion about ideal events or outcomes is not a fact and not a necessity and we can continue to engage in values-based actions in whatever context we find ourselves in. Sometimes we may even find a metaphorical great blue heron walking in a path near us!
Josh Bartok is a contemplative photographer and life coach. He is the author of two children’s books and several collections of inspiring quotes.
