Entitlement can be defined as the belief that one is inherently deserving of privileges or special treatment. This attitude has been increasingly observed among younger generations. As a college professor for the past 13 years, I have witnessed a marked rise in entitlement among my students, which feels alarming. Many students now routinely request extensions on assignments, assuming they should be allowed to submit work late simply because they were busy with other commitments. The expectation that deadlines or instructions are negotiable is a recent development that reflects a broader cultural shift. It seems that many young people today believe they deserve rewards before putting in the effort to earn them.
The purpose of this discussion, however, is not to criticize young people. Their worldview often reflects previous generations’ attempts to protect them from struggles. While shielding children from hardship may seem noble, it can hinder their ability to navigate life’s challenges in healthy, resilient ways. In many cases, children have been told they can achieve anything, but they were not adequately prepared for the effort, discipline, and setbacks that come with achieving success.
People engulfed in phones at all ages
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Some parents express frustration over their children’s lack of motivation, often pointing to the hours spent on electronic devices. Yet, it’s important to recognize that many of these devices are provided without clear boundaries or expectations. Entitlement thrives when children believe that everything will be handed to them. The antidote to this mindset is gratitude. Raising children to be grateful can counteract entitlement, instilling in them a sense of appreciation, humility, and resilience. Here are four key strategies for fostering gratitude in children:
1. Avoid Being Overly Accommodating
Humans tend to swing from one extreme to another. In the past, parenting often emphasized toughness, encouraging children to be independent at a young age and discouraging emotional expression. Today, we’ve swung to the opposite extreme, with parenting becoming highly child-focused. Every discomfort or emotional challenge is treated with heightened attention, sometimes to the detriment of fostering resilience.
Balance is essential. While it’s crucial to be responsive to a child’s needs in their early years—particularly from birth to age 3, when responsiveness benefits brain development, emotional security, and even immune health—parents should gradually introduce boundaries and opportunities for independence as children grow. You can’t spoil a baby, but as children age, they must learn that not every discomfort will be immediately resolved by someone else. Over-accommodating children as they get older teaches them that they don’t need to put in effort because everything will be provided for them. This can foster entitlement instead of gratefulness.
2. Model Gratefulness
Children learn more from what they observe than from what they are told. If you want to raise grateful children, you must model gratitude yourself. Even in challenging situations, demonstrate that there is always something to appreciate. Express gratitude for the little things in everyday life—a kind gesture, a beautiful day, or even the opportunity to learn from difficult circumstances. When children see gratitude in action, they are more likely to adopt this mindset themselves.
3. Teach Mindfulness/Self-Awareness
Gratitude is difficult to develop when a child is overwhelmed by negative emotions or lacks emotional regulation. An overwhelmed mind will often focus on what problems need to be solved instead of being present with what is already working well. Teaching mindfulness and self-awareness helps children pause, reflect, and develop the emotional intelligence necessary to appreciate their circumstances. Mindfulness practices, such as deep breathing or guided meditation, can help children manage stress and become more aware of the positives in their lives. By encouraging them to focus on the present moment, you help them recognize the things they can be grateful for, even in tough times. Parents need to resist the urge to provide entertainment 24 hours a day.
Reducing screen time is important. Screens think for us and decrease our ability to self-regulate, therefore increasing anxiety and stress (Muppalla et al. 2023). By offering screens and not allowing children to develop their own free-time activities, we reduce creativity and resourcefulness. This teaches children entitlement. When children can self-reflect and pause, they can more easily develop the skill of gratefulness.
4. Involve Children in Activities That Require Discipline and Sacrifice
Gratitude often stems from understanding the value of hard work and sacrifice. In today’s world, where most families no longer rely on self-sufficiency for survival, parents need to find alternative ways to teach these lessons. One of the best ways to do this is through activities that require discipline and effort, such as sports, music lessons, or even household chores. These activities give children the opportunity to experience failure, make mistakes, and learn from them.
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Children playing soccer
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For instance, sports teach valuable life skills like perseverance, teamwork, and the ability to handle setbacks. When children face challenges and work hard to overcome them, they develop a deeper appreciation for their accomplishments and the support they receive along the way. Involving children in activities that require effort helps them understand that rewards are earned, not given, fostering a greater sense of gratitude.
Raising grateful children in a world that often promotes entitlement requires intentional effort. By avoiding over-accommodation, modeling gratitude, teaching mindfulness, and involving children in activities that foster discipline, parents can help their children develop a mindset of appreciation. Gratefulness is a powerful antidote to entitlement, preparing children not only to be more thankful but also more resilient, self-aware, and capable of navigating the challenges of life with grace and humility.
