Some think before they speak, remember birthdays, reach out to mend friendships and do their best to bring out the best in others. Others are more prone to thoughtless behavior and have trouble reading someone’s social clues, to the point of emotional ineptitude.
Here are 19 tragic signs someone lacks serious emotional intelligence:
1. They think everyone is in a constant state of overreaction
Whether it’s their brother wondering why they didn’t call to let him know they’d be returning his car three hours late, their new boo “freaking out” over the small lie they’ve told, or their new girlfriend being upset about new information they avoided mentioning, they tend to find that people are constantly losing it over what they deem as “the small stuff.”
2. Their fear of commitment is so severe, they can’t make plans
They constantly use statements like “no pressure” and “we’ll see” as a way to keep others from placing pressure on them. What’s pressure? Anything they don’t decide to do in real-time.
3. They respond to serious emotional queries with a line for whomever to stop ‘overthinking’
This is their go-to line to slip out of any conversation that makes them uncomfortable (and works especially well to keep those they’re on the fence about, on their toes).
4. People may describe them as passive-aggressive, insensitive, unsupportive, or clueless
These adjectives are not the most flattering, unfortunately.
Ekateryna Zubal / Shutterstock
5. They do things that make people question their loyalty
So what if their friend hooked up with that guy last summer? They were never exclusive. Why is she so mad? People need to get over it.
6. The term ‘I’m sorry you feel that way’ is used more often than ‘I’m sorry’
This lovely passive-aggressive statement is a favorite amongst those who lack emotional intelligence. Not only does it allow them to take zero accountability for their actions, but also the hostility it implies. If they’re someone who says “I’m sorry” just to get out of things, well, they’re awful.
7. They take forever to pay people back
It legitimately never occurred to them to pay back the money they borrowed from their pregnant sister before booking that 5-star vacation. It’s all about that work-and-play balance, yo.
8. They give IOU gifts
They give an IOU or fill out the card as they wait in the other room. Life is busy. Their mom waited nine months for them to be born, so she could wait an extra day for her birthday card, right?
9. They have no filter
They feel it’s not only their right, but their duty, to share whatever they feel like sharing, in any way they feel like sharing it, and at any time. Their bull-in-a-china-shop statements often leave people speechless or very upset.
10. They equate ‘honesty’ with ‘brutality’
And they don’t understand why this point is on this list. The most productive type of honesty requires a certain level of kindness, otherwise, it’s just plain mean, research says.
11. They find that people in their lives blow up in frustration at them
And they use terms like “That’s it; I’m done,” “You don’t get it,” and, “You’ll never change.”
12. They make digs as ‘jokes’ under the guise they’re being sarcastic
Telling ‘jokes’ that are hurtful aren’t jokes, even if someone says ‘just kidding’ afterward to try to soften the insult.
13. They have no sense of what it means to be supportive
When someone calls to tell them something upsetting, they respond with statements that either devalue their feelings or make them feel worse. Their best friend’s engagement was just called off and they tell her she will save money on her wedding. Their co-worker gets fired and they remind them of the times they screwed up.
14. They don’t have time for people who ‘whine’
You know, about things like job loss, divorce, or being afraid of a health issue.
15. Stonewalling is their favorite vice
Having an adult conversation with someone with whom they’ve disagreed is so terrifying to them that they’d rather delete their number and ignore them for life than discuss and work things out. This doesn’t work any better in romantic relationships, with research from The Gottman Institute showing how detrimental it can be to a relationship’s health.
Goksi / Shutterstock
16. When someone says, ‘You’ve hurt me,’ they hear, ‘It’s all your fault,’ and react with defensiveness
Hey, it’s not their fault that person is so sensitive.
17. There’s no right or wrong
They have the only correct opinion, and everyone else’s inability to comprehend.
18. They see reaching out as a sign of weakness
They let good relationships fade instead of picking up the phone. And when someone texts them post-disagreement, they’re not relieved; they see it as an acquisition of power.
19. Their exes are constantly asking them for closure
They ghost people like it’s their job. Hey, when they’re done, they’re done.
Brenda Della Casa is a writer, journalist, speaker, strategist, author of Cinderella Was a Liar, and founder of LoolaBee. Her bylines have appeared on Medium, PopSugar, Huffington Post, Glamour, Thrillist, Thought Catalog, and Allure.
