You feel devastated, empty, and ashamed. You are yet again alone and destroyed by another bad relationship with a toxic person. Why is it that you only see the signs of a toxic relationship after it has ended? Why were you so blind to your partner’s controlling behavior and frequent mental abuse?
It is already difficult to re-build yourself after a failed relationship but re-building from a destructive relationship feels even worse. But, it is possible to protect yourself from unsafe partners, toxic people, and unhealthy relationships.
If a man shows these 6 signs, he’s likely toxic and controlling:
1. He checks in too much
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If you are in a relationship and receiving multiple or successive text messages and phone calls from your partner, it’s time to sound the alarm! The messages could end with emojis, hearts, or cute pet names but the content is focused on where you are, who you are with, and what you are doing.
You ask yourself, “Why are they checking in so much?” If there is not a real concern — such as a sickness or being emotionally upset — there is a reason for suspicion. The partner could be insecure and it may show signs of unhealthy behaviors.
- It may look like not wanting you to wear certain clothes or spend time with specific people or anyone aside from them.
- Stalking behaviors can include constantly checking your social media, tracking your whereabouts, and showing up to where you are unexpectedly.
2. He isolates you from your friends and family
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Are you asking yourself, “What type of friends am I losing?” and “Why am I losing friends?” You should be worried if you are losing friends too quickly or losing close and long-term relationships.
Oftentimes, abusive or unhealthy partners want to isolate their victims. When family or friends are out of reach, then who is available to comfort you when you’re stuck in a toxic and controlling relationship? You are trapped with only your toxic partner for emotional support.
3. He pressures you to share and do things you are not ready for
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Deep and personal questions asked in the early stages of a relationship can be a red flag, especially if there is pressure. For example, your partner or date wants to know your deepest darkest secret after a short time period such as a third date or less than a month of talking to each other.
Persistent questioning is masked with curiosity. You may not feel ready to share but end up doubting yourself because of their persistence. The above situation can be a sure sign of future behaviors when it comes to asking you to do things you are not ready for or want to do. Pressure to share things can turn into pressure to do things you are not comfortable doing.
4. He makes you feel anxious and upset more than not
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What do your distressing feelings say about your relationship or partner? Your feelings may be a sign of your partner’s emotional instability and anger outbursts. Outbursts begin with yelling then escalating to throwing, destroying things, or even punching.
Or, you feel anxious or nervous because your partner may hurt themselves. If they are threatening to hurt themselves there can be a great deal of burden or guilt you experience to help them. A high-stress relationship is not a healthy one.
If any of these relationship red flags occur, especially if multiple signs are occurring at once, take the life-saving step to remove yourself from the relationship. It is important to see these warnings early on rather than ignoring and rationalizing your partner’s behavior.
It is much easier to leave when there has been less time, investment, and emotions. Lastly, if you are noticing a pattern of toxic partners you may want to ask yourself: “What about these people attracts me to them?” Seek out help through counseling services to end the cycle of toxic relationships so you can find the healthy love you truly deserve.
5. He’s excessively jealous
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It’s normal to feel jealous in a relationship. You feel self-conscious one day and wonder if your boyfriend was checking out the pretty blonde at the restaurant you’re both at, and you begin to think he would be happier with her.
In a healthy relationship, he would assure you that he loves you and only you and that he wasn’t even looking at the blonde, but at the TV behind her showing the latest sports team he’s obsessed with. You two would laugh it off and go back to sharing the chips you ordered.
What’s not normal is for your partner to be jealous every waking moment you’re not with them. He questions why you had to go shopping with your mother, and if anyone saw you in the shorts you were wearing.
He doesn’t understand why you have to go get dinner with your friend group from college, which is a mixture of guys and girls, because every single man only has one thing on his mind. Jealousy like this, research says, can lead to the death of a relationship, and is a sign of a toxic one.
6. He controls what you do and who you see
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It’s important to check in with your partner when you plan to do something that can affect them, but asking for permission because you want to spend time with your sister is something else entirely. Controlling behavior like this is not love.
They control who you can see and when they monitor your phone and social media presence, and they even go as far as to tell you what you can and can’t eat. If any of these 6 signs sound familiar, I urge you to find help. On average, it can take people seven times to leave an abusive relationship, according to statistics.
If you think you may be experiencing depression or anxiety as a result of ongoing emotional abuse, you are not alone. Domestic abuse can happen to anyone and is not a reflection of who you are or anything you’ve done wrong. If you feel as though you may be in danger, there is support available 24/7/365 through the National Domestic Violence Hotline by calling 1-800-799-7233. If you’re unable to speak safely, text LOVEIS to 1-866-331-9474.
Janie Lacy is a licensed mental health counselor and owner of Life Counseling Solutions (LCS), which specializes in helping men and women achieve happier, healthier relationships.
