At first it was nice that Jason Momoa kept showing up in your dreams to teach you ax throwing, but now you’re confused and wondering, “Why do I keep dreaming about the same person?!”
Let’s explore recurring dreams — why they happen, what they mean, and what to do about them.
Key Takeaways
- Recurring dreams about a specific person often reflect unresolved emotions or issues in your waking life.
- Stress, anxiety, or significant life changes can trigger these dreams.
- The person in your dream may symbolize a trait or situation, rather than the actual individual.
- Understanding the context and emotions in the dream is crucial for interpretation.
Why Do I Keep Dreaming About the Same Person?
There are several reasons why you might be seeing the same face night after night in your dreams. And no, it’s not because you’ve been binge-watching too many episodes of The White Lotus — though, actually, it could be that too.
1. You have unresolved feelings
All right, let’s cut to the chase faster than Taylor Swift releases a chart-topping breakup song. You’re dreaming about this person because you still have feelings.
So you’re mid-dream, at a fancy restaurant with your ex, and instead of the lobster risotto you ordered, the waiter brings you a plate piled high with your unprocessed emotions, garnished with a sprig of shame.
Yeah, that checks out.
In a 2023 study published in the International Journal of Dream Research, recurring dreams serve as a way for our subconscious to process complex emotions or situations we haven’t fully dealt with in our waking lives.[1]
Some research suggests that people, especially women, are more likely to experience unresolved feelings if they were the person to initiate the breakup.[2]
There’s something about your relationship — or your breakup — with the particular person you’re dreaming about that you left unresolved. Maybe you still love them, or maybe they still have your scarf, in their drawer, even now.
Whatever the reason, this recurring starring role in your dreams reveals that your brain is circling the carousel at emotional baggage claim.
2. They’re just a symbol of a trait or situation
Sometimes, the person in your dream is just a stand-in for something else.
You’re going through something or experiencing something new and your brain is using people to represent ideas. Maybe you have a big event coming up that you’ve been looking forward to or anxious about for a while now.
For instance, dreaming about Lizzo night after night might not mean you’re destined to be best friends (although that would be amazing!). Instead, she might represent qualities you admire or aspire to — confidence, body positivity, or the ability to rock a flute solo while twerking — that have something to do with what’s going on in your life.
3. Stress and anxiety
Stress can make you do weird things, like putting your AirPods in the dishwasher or dreaming about your fourth-grade teacher Mrs. Applebaum (and her infamous mole). When you’re under pressure, your brain might conjure up familiar faces as a way of dealing with the stress.
Research from Walden University sheds light on the relationship between non-nightmare recurring dreams (NNRD) and trauma, suggesting that these dreams can connect to the emotional processing of past experiences.[3]
The research found that anxiety and a history of trauma were significant predictors of NNRD, suggesting that these dreams may reflect ongoing psychological struggles.
If you keep dreaming about your boss right before a big presentation, your brain might be trying to work through your anxiety about the event. These dreams are your subconscious running a very exhausting dress rehearsal.
4. Wish fulfillment
Sometimes, dreaming about someone is your brain’s way of giving you what you want, like a genie in a bottle but with REM sleep. If you keep dreaming about being best friends with Jennifer Lawrence, it might be because you’re craving more of that down-to-earth, pizza-loving friendship in your life.
Sigmund Freud, the father of psychoanalysis, believed dreams were a form of wish fulfillment.
While modern psychologists have moved away from some of Freud’s more . . . let’s say “interesting” theories (no, sometimes a cigar is just a cigar), the idea that dreams can represent our desires still holds water.
If you’re wondering if you like someone, and they keep turning up in your nocturnal soap operas, odds are you probably do.
So your recurring dream about winning The Great British Bake Off might be less about your hidden talent for making the perfect Victoria sponge and more about your desire for recognition and achievement.
5. Processing daily events
Your brain is like a 24/7 news channel, constantly rehashing the day’s events. If you keep seeing your chatty coworker in your dreams, it might be because you’re stuck seeing her day after day in two-hour Zoom meetings where she always talks about her sourdough starter named Brad Pitt.
Dr. Deirdre Barret, a psychologist at Harvard Medical School, explains that dreams are a continuation of our thinking processes by different biochemical means.[4] They often reflect our daily concerns and experiences, albeit in a symbolic or exaggerated form.
This recurring dream is just your brain playing a “previously on” recap, like you see before a new episode of a TV show.
Don’t be surprised if, after spending six days in a row binge-watching Survivor, you dream about you and Jeff Probst searching for immunity idols hidden in the jungle.
What’s a Recurring Dream?
A recurring dream is a nocturnal earworm, like that catchy Dua Lipa song you can’t get out of your head, but instead of “Don’t Start Now,” it’s the dream that keeps playing on repeat.
A recurring dream is any dream that occurs multiple times with similar themes, characters, or scenarios.
Approximately 60% to 75% of individuals have repeated dreams, according to sleep scientist and University of Montreal psychology professor Antonio Zadra in his book Recurrent Dreams: Their Relation to Life Events.[5]
According to an October 2023 survey of over 2,000 people, conducted by Amerisleep, recurring dreams typically feature similar subjects:
- Falling (53.5%)
- Being chased (50.9%)
- Being back in school (37.9%)
- Being unprepared (34%)
- Flying (32.6%)
- Teeth falling out (27.3%)[6]
If you’re dreaming of the same person over and over again, you’re not abnormal. Not even if you and this person are in school scrambling to pick all your teeth up off the ground.
What Do Recurring Dreams Mean?
Now, let’s get our science hats on. Just kidding. Dream interpretation is not an exact science, if it’s science at all. Research around dreaming is supported by the study of the brain, which, luckily, is a real science.
Still, recurring dreams are a fascinating phenomenon that can serve as significant indicators of our emotional and psychological states. These dreams often emerge during times of stress or anxiety that urge the dreamer to confront unresolved conflicts in their waking life.
According to Aline Guachet et al, 77% of recurring dreams are negative.[7] This repetitive nature indicates a lack of progress in addressing emotional concerns, due to typically lower levels of psychological well-being.
Moreover, recurring dreams can act as a mirror, revealing the dreamer’s emotional state.
Themes such as being chased may symbolize feelings of anxiety or the sense of being overwhelmed in waking life. The Threat Simulation Theory, proposed by Revonsuo and Valli, posits that dreaming serves an evolutionary purpose by allowing individuals to rehearse responses to potential threats.[8]
Additionally, the predictive processing model suggests that dreams may help individuals adapt to emotional challenges by integrating painful experiences into their subconsciouses, thereby facilitating their healing.[9] By paying attention to these dreams, you can gain invaluable insights into your mental health.
In layman’s terms, recurring dreams can help the dreamer to “predict and perceive the world.”[10] Rather than wish your recurring dream away, try analyzing it instead. What message might it be sending you?
How to Stop Dreaming About Someone
All right, so you’ve had enough of dreaming about Henry Cavill showing up every night (said no one ever, but let’s roll with it). Here are some practical tips to help you manage those recurring dreams:
- Face the music (or the dream): Confront the emotions or issues the dream might be representing. It’s like ripping off a Band-Aid but for your psyche.
- Journal about it: Keep a dream journal. It’s gossiping about your dreams but with yourself. Writing down dreams immediately upon waking can improve dream recall.
- Stress less: Reduce stress in your waking life. Maybe try yoga, or just eat more cake. No judgment here. Regular exercise can significantly reduce stress levels and improve sleep quality.
- Establish a bedtime routine: Establish a calming bedtime routine. Reading, meditation, or listening to relaxing music can help. Just maybe avoid that true crime podcast right before bed (sorry, My Favorite Murder fans).
- Reimagine the ending: If the dream is upsetting, try reimagining a different, more positive ending while awake. Be the director of your mental movie.
- Talk it out: Consider talking to a therapist. A therapist can help you analyze your dreams and connect the common themes to your waking worries.
- Achieve work-life balance: If your boss or coworker is reappearing nightly, you may have an unhealthy balance of work life and personal life.
Remember, dreams are your brain’s way of working through a jigsaw puzzle. Sometimes you need to step back and look at the bigger picture to make sense of it all, preferably while enjoying a glass of wine and some expensive cheese.
Conclusion
Next time you wonder, “Why do I keep dreaming about the same person?” remember it’s often your mind’s way of processing emotions or unresolved issues.
You can either unravel the mystery behind it or try some waking exercises and habits to avoid them. But they’re a normal phenomenon of the human nervous system.
Need tips on how to start a relationship? We’ve got a whole page dedicated to it—check out the link.
FAQs
Why am I dreaming about someone I don’t talk to anymore?
You could be dreaming about someone you don’t talk to anymore because of unresolved emotions or a significant impact they had during a certain time in your life. It could also indicate that this person symbolizes traits or situations you’re currently processing.
Does dreaming of someone mean anything?
Dreaming of someone can have various meanings, but it doesn’t necessarily suggest a deeper connection. It could represent unresolved feelings, mirror traits you associate with them, or simply be influenced by recent thoughts or experiences.
Why do I keep dreaming about someone I like?
You keep dreaming about someone you like because of your hopes or desires regarding that person. These dreams are a way for your mind to explore feelings that may not have been fully expressed in real life.
What does it mean when you dream about someone cheating on you?
When you dream about someone cheating on you, it usually means you have underlying insecurities or concerns about trust, rather than a direct indication of what’s happening in reality. It may highlight anxiety or fears within the relationship or personal emotional challenges.
References
1. Fábik, D. (2023). An analysis of a recurring dream experienced for 20 years in the context of the theory of processing emotions. International Journal of Dream Research, 16(2), 143–149.
http://dx.doi.org/10.11588/ijodr.2023.2.93577
2. Bakermans-Kranenburg, M. J., & Van Ijzendoora, M. H. (1997). Adult attachment and the break-up of romantic relationships. Journal of Divorce & Remarriage, 27(3-4), 121–139.
https://doi.org/10.1300/J087v27n03_08
3. Fathelbab, A. (2023). Non-nightmare recurring dreams and trauma. Walden Dissertations and Doctoral Studies Collection.
https://scholarworks.waldenu.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=12949&context=dissertations&t&utm
4. Barrett, D. (2018). Speaking of psychology: The science of dreaming with dreaming, with Deirdre Barrett, Ph.D. American Psychological Association.
https://www.apa.org/news/podcasts/speaking-of-psychology/science-of-dreaming
5. Zadra, A. (1996). Recurrent dreams and their relation to life events and well-being. Trauma and Dreams, 231–247. Harvard University Press.
https://www.researchgate.net/publication/232509978_Recurrent_dreams_Their_relation_to_life_events
6. Hyde, M. (2023). America’s most common recurring dreams. Amerisleep.
https://amerisleep.com/blog/americas-common-recurring-dreams/
7. Gauchat, A., Séguin, J. R., McSween-Cadieux, E., & Zadra, A. (2015). The content of recurrent dreams in young adolescents. Consciousness and Cognition, 37, 103–111.
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26366465/
8. Revonsuo, A., & Valli, K. (2000). Dreaming and consciousness: Testing the threat simulation theory of the function of dreaming. Psyche: An Interdisciplinary Journal of Research on Consciousness, 6(8).
https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2001-03396-001
9. Koslowski, M., de Haas, M. P., & Fischmann, T. (2023). Converging theories on dreaming: Between Freud, predictive processing, and psychedelic research. Frontiers in Human Neuroscience, 17, 1080177.
https://doi.org/10.3389/fnhum.2023.1080177
10. Van Elk, M., & Aleman, A. (2017). Brain mechanisms in religion and spirituality: An integrative predictive processing framework. Neuroscience & Biobehavioral Reviews, 73, 359–378.
https://doi.org/10.1016/j.neubiorev.2016.12.031
