After a summer of travel that took me far from home and deep into reflection and some serious self-discovery, I found myself wrestling with the same lesson over and over: Grace and the need to let go of expectations and take ownership of my own well-being. Whether navigating unfamiliar places or the complexities of my own heart, I realized how often I can hold onto the hope that others will change, circumstances will shift, or things will finally go as planned. This summer, I was once again reminded that true peace and growth come from within, and sometimes, the hardest and most important work we can do is to release what’s beyond our control and focus on nurturing our own journey with Christ. Maybe it’ll stick deeper in my soul in 2024. Pray for me!
This truth resonates deeply with the stories shared by members of our community, including one woman’s powerful struggle to find the balance between faith, hope, and the reality of her marriage. Thank you all for joining us here in this sacred space..
Today’s Question:
I feel like I’m stuck between holding on and letting go in my marriage. I want to honor my commitment and my faith, but I also feel like I’m losing myself in the process. How do I discern when it’s time to keep fighting for my marriage versus when it’s time to release it to God?
LeAnne’s Response:
Beloved Reader,
Thank you for sharing your heart so openly. It’s clear that you’re in the midst of an incredibly challenging season, feeling torn between your commitment to your marriage and the need to care for your own well-being. Your desire to honor both your God and your marriage is deeply admirable, and I want to remind you that our Heavenly Father sees every tear, every prayer, and every moment of your struggle.
When we’re caught between holding on and letting go, it can feel like an impossible choice. It’s not just about deciding to stay or leave; it’s about seeking God’s best for your life, even when the path forward isn’t clear. That’s where the quote, “The great struggle in the life of faith is not sin but the good that is not good enough,” really hits home. It challenges us to look beyond what seems “good enough” and reach for what God truly desires for us.
James 1:5 (NLT) reminds us, “If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking.” God wants you to live in fullness and peace, not just endure. So, take your questions to Him—He’s ready to guide you, even through the messiness. Sometimes, the first step is simply acknowledging that what you have isn’t fully what God desires, and from there, He can begin to work in your heart and circumstances.
I answered a question around the topic of discernment earlier this summer- I encourage you to have a look at it here. It was great for me to refresh my soul as I prepared to answer your question this week.
We speak about his topic a bunch here. It is worth repeating. So here goes…
What might it look like if you were more yourself in your marriage right now? What might be holding you back from being all God created you to become?
Dear one! It is essential to set clear boundaries that steward your emotional, spiritual, and physical well-being. Please remember, boundaries are not about punishing your spouse; Boundaries are about living intentionally with God’s purpose for you in mind, protecting the life, your mind, and the heart He’s entrusted to you. Boundaries are about taking responsibility for your own health and refusing to allow destructive behaviors to continue unchallenged. They are not just a line in the sand; they’re a declaration of your worth and God’s desire for you to live in safety and respect. Boundaries are a gift to every relationship.
You’ve already shown incredible bravery by acknowledging the pain and the areas of your marriage that don’t reflect God’s design for mutual respect, love, and support. It’s so hard when the changes you’ve prayed for haven’t happened, and when the dynamics of your relationship feel far from what’s healthy. It’s okay to sit with that disappointment and to not have all the answers right now. Your commitment to not losing yourself is so important—God values your well-being, and He wants you to thrive, not just survive. He wants you to walk in freedom.
As you continue navigating this season, I encourage you to take things one step at a time. Set aside some quiet moments each day to pray, journal, or just sit with God. Use this time to pour out your heart honestly and ask Him for wisdom and strength for the next right thing, even if that’s just making it through today. I invite you to explore these 3 questions:
- What or who is keeping me from being my noble self right now?
- What does God’s peace feel like in this decision?”
- Am I honoring God’s design for me with the choices I am making today?
Sister, I am praying these reflections will guide you as you seek clarity. Please let us know what comes up for you.
Remember, you’re not alone in this journey. Lean into your support system—counselors, coaches, friends, and your faith community. God often uses others to provide the insight we need when we feel lost, stuck, or afraid… And please remember, setting boundaries or taking a step back doesn’t mean giving up; it’s all about giving God space to work in ways you might not yet see, think, or imagine.
God’s heart is for your growth, your peace, and your safety. If your marriage consistently brings harm, or emotional distress, or diminishes who God created you to be, consider that God does not want you to remain in a situation that is destructive to your soul. Marriage, as He intended, is a covenant that reflects His love, with mutual respect, support, and care.
One of my favorite thought leaders is Corrie ten-boom- here is a word of wisdom from her heart to ours:
“Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God.”
So, take things slowly, lean into your support, and trust that God will guide you. Your decision to not stay “stuck” is a powerful testament to your faith and hope in God’s best for you and your family.
Join us here for our upcoming free workshop! It will provide you with some food for thought and some time to focus.
Have you ever felt torn between holding on and letting go in a significant area of your life? How did you navigate the tension, and what helped you discern the right path forward? We’d love to hear your stories and insights as we journey together.
