Do you constantly wind up dating women who aren’t just a little chilly, but rarely show up for you when you need them? If so, then you might be stuck in a pattern of forming toxic relationships with emotionally unavailable women.
My best dating advice for dealing with someone emotionally unavailable is to find someone else who can be there for you both in a physical and emotional sense. But before you go breaking things off, you should probably be sure that is the situation you’re dealing with.
If a woman shows these 6 signs, she’s emotionally unavailable & cold as ice:
1. The relationship always revolves around her
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Do you find that the woman you are dating is inflexible and refuses to compromise? Maybe you find yourself always changing your schedule to accommodate her routine or what she wants to do.
Often, people who are afraid to commit to a relationship will not go out of their way for their partner, leaving their partner feeling resentful. Simply put, if it’s always about her, this is a sign that you could be in a toxic relationship and dating an emotionally unavailable woman.
2. She doesn’t make you feel understood
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One of the most beautiful things you can find in a relationship is to be fully known and accepted by someone. Research from The Journal of Experimental Social Psychology shows that feeling known by your partner can lead to higher relationship satisfaction. However, you might find that you know everything about your girlfriend — like her favorite hang-out spots, dreams for her future, her favorite memories from childhood, and even her celebrity crush — and yet, she seems to know very little about you.
Maybe you feel that you are always the one running the extra mile to make the relationship work. Mile after mile adds up, and it will start to get exhausting! She may expect you to be there at the drop of a hat but is emotionally unavailable when you need her most.
3. She doesn’t like you as much as you like her
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Do you find that the woman you are dating doesn’t care about the relationship the way you do? She may disappear for days at a time and finds nothing wrong with this. In addition, she will often not commit to going out on dates when you ask her.
She seems to always be leaving her options open. If this is the case, she is either not into you or she is commitment-phobic.
4. She guilt trips you
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Do you find yourself always apologizing even when it’s not your fault, constantly feeling guilty in your relationship, but can’t make sense as to why? Sounds like your girlfriend is taking you on the guilt trip ride, which is par for the course with emotionally unavailable women who are only capable of having toxic relationships.
If she seems to always find flaw after flaw in you, and you are the one consistently asking for forgiveness, she could be emotionally unavailable and keep you at a distance. Someone who cannot accept blame or admit when they are wrong is going to make any argument or issue about the other person, and it’s never their fault.
5. She lacks empathy
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Due to her inability to understand you, she often doesn’t care about your feelings and the effect her actions have on you. She cancels dates constantly last minute because to her it’s no big deal, but they were things you had been looking forward to all week. You can’t help her lack of empathy, but you can make sure it doesn’t change the way you care about people and things.
6. She avoids having the ‘relationship talk’
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Things are going great between the two of you. You’ve been seeing each other for a couple of months, and she even has her toothbrush next to yours in your bathroom. You’ve even told your mom about her, so you think it’s time to define the relationship.
One night, over dinner at your place, you ask her “What are we?” and she freezes, with the biggest deer in headlights look. She can’t get out of your apartment fast enough, and over the next week, she dodges your calls and texts. You might have thought you were heading toward a relationship, but to her, she was just having a summer fling.
It’s important to establish relationship intentions early on, or else confusion and hurt feelings are bound to happen. Research from The National Library of Medicine says that this is one of the most important aspects of figuring out if you should stay or go in a relationship.
After reading these six signs, you may realize it’s been the story of your romantic life and you have been falling for emotionally unavailable women for quite some time. At this point, it might be time to take a look at yourself and question what’s leading you to choose these types of women.
It could be that one of your parents was emotionally unavailable and distance feels comfortable. Maybe you self-sabotage and attract toxic relationships because you don’t believe you deserve a healthy relationship or love. Whatever it may be, change is possible and you already took the first step by recognizing these dating patterns.
Janie Lacy is a licensed mental health counselor and owner of Life Counseling Solutions (LCS), which specializes in helping men and women achieve happier, healthier relationships.
