Being a parent is no easy job. There’s nothing more frustrating than constantly stressing out over what your kids are (or are not) doing and having to pick up after them daily. Finding ways to discipline your kids and deal with the lack of respect without going overboard is the tricky part.
Here are 5 scientific ways to discipline your kids that work:
1. Redirecting or distracting
A child’s prefrontal cortex which helps with decision-making and rational judgment is not fully formed yet, as outlined in research on functional neural development. When you tell your two-year-old they are too close to the fireplace for the fiftieth time in an evening, remember their self-regulation abilities are simply not developed yet. You must redirect and or distract them.
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2. Taking a parent time-out
When you feel your anger escalating and feel the urge to spank your child, walk away and take your own time out. Taking a short break to be mindful of your emotions aids in finding out if it is your frustration, fatigue, or irritation that makes you want to lash out.
You might find that your immediate anger dissipates and your child’s behavior is not worth getting upset over.
3. Exemplifying the behaviors you want to see
When it comes to parenting, does physical discipline work? According to science, the answer is no. In a study published in The Journal of Family Psychology, it was shown that spanking children was much more common than previously thought. It was found that children who were spanked often repeated the same misbehavior within ten minutes. So, that pretty much proves that spanking does not work.
While it is not unusual for parents to use spanking as the main discipline action, it doesn’t mean that it’s effective. Here’s the deal. There’s no doubt that a physical reprimand can temporarily stop unwanted behavior, but the consequences far outweigh the benefits.
If you want your kid to listen to you and understand what they did wrong, you must teach them. The only thing that a spanking accomplishes is making your child fear you — but it does not teach them the consequences of their behavior or how to control it. It can make your kids more aggressive. If you spank your child, but the same misbehavior returns, then your response to their misbehavior needs to change. Often parents say, “The more I spank them, the more they misbehave!”
The reason is when a child is hit, it does more than sting the hand or backside. The child can feel bullied and their self-worth suffers and this can show in their behavior. Spanking will only make your kid act out.
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4. Agreeing on clear rules with your parenting partner
It can be confusing to you and your children when one parent considers jumping on the bed fun, but the other parent considers it terrible behavior and punishes you for it. All this does is confuse your kids even more about what is and isn’t acceptable.
5. Considering the child’s developmental stage first
As we know, babies are born with their brains undeveloped, which means it is up to loving adults in the child’s life to help develop empathy emotional strength, and intelligence. So, punishing a toddler for putting things into their mouth is suppressing their development.
However, if a 5-year-old puts things in their mouth after being told not to, then a loving lesson can be given. The problem is the toddlers cannot comprehend the cognitive concepts a five-year-old can, so expecting the same behavior from both is unrealistic, as supported by research on effective discipline for children.Â
At the end of the day, spanking, yelling, or harshly punishing your kids does not promote good behavior, nor does it teach them how to behave correctly. All you’ll end up doing is putting distance between you and your children.
It’s all about the examples you set and using positive reinforcement alternatives to get your kids to listen to you and respect you. When parenting is better, children are better behaved. This makes for happier kids and parents.
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Kim Openo is a professional counselor and therapist who helps people deal with their grief and find their empowerment. She writes about parenting and marriage.
