After over 10 years of marriage, a woman on Reddit admitted that she’s feeling “broken” and “exhausted” by her husband’s lack of effort. And after a terrible 40th birthday, she is contemplating throwing in the towel regarding their relationship.
The woman is considering divorce after her husband threw her a ‘surprise’ birthday party catered around his preferences.
Divorce is a major decision, especially when the relationship is over a decade long and even more so when kids are involved. As such, the decision to do so doesn’t usually happen overnight. According to the CDC, after ten years, the probability of a first marriage ending in divorce is a whopping 33%.
Whether it’s a growing disconnect between partners or resentment bubbling beneath the surface, in most cases, something potentially irreparable goes unaddressed long before the divorce papers are drawn up.
A woman admitted that her husband’s pattern of behavior has been impacting their relationship.
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“I constantly feel like I’m walking on eggshells around him, and even my children tell me that they hate how he treats me,” she wrote in her post, adding that she “[works] two jobs, [takes] care of the kids, [does] all of the meal planning, grocery shopping, and most of the housework.”
In addition to the obvious inequality in labor, the woman stated that their relationship is quite toxic in its current state.
“I would say that 60% of the time things are wonderful and 40% of the time I am unhappy,” she wrote. “He let himself go in the last five years, and hygiene has become a major issue for him. I struggle with this because I really take care of myself.”
“The problems in our marriage are not new, but I struggle with standing up for myself when it comes to him,” she continued. “He tends to overreact to the little things, which makes me feel that I can’t tell him how upset I am.”
As such she isn’t sure how to approach a conversation about the disappointment she felt about his attempt at a surprise party.
He spoiled the surprise by asking her to clean ‘for the party,’ and then neglected to invite her friends and picked a cake only he likes.
“He spilled the beans to me three days before the party,” she wrote. “I thought it was adorable that he was so excited about the party that he couldn’t contain himself. I wish this was the case.”
It wasn’t his excitement that had him spoiling the surprise. Rather he wanted her to help clean and set up the house for her own party.
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While she ended up cleaning the house to “keep the peace,” her birthday party was equally disappointing. Her husband failed to invite any of her friends or family — because he “didn’t know how to contact them” — and ordered a birthday cake in a flavor only he liked.
“I barely managed to keep it in and cried in the bathroom after everyone left,” she admitted.
With an incredible blend of weaponized incompetence and pure disregard for his wife’s special day, this husband managed to put the cherry on top of his pattern of horrible behavior and lead her to consider a divorce.
She admitted this ‘surprise’ was her breaking point.
Unfortunately, this woman’s story is one that many mothers experience when it comes to big events like birthdays, Mother’s Day, and even Christmas. They’re forced to pick up the slack, plan everything, and prioritize their family’s needs over their own.
They’re unsupported during events like these — expected and relied on to craft the perfect experience for everyone else — while simultaneously unrecognized in their daily lives.
“I feel like an afterthought,” the mom verbalized, “and hated listening to everyone compliment him for throwing me a party … I am exhausted and just wanted to feel appreciated for a day.”
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While it seems absurd, at least to this woman, to “throw away” 10 years of marriage over a birthday party, she can’t help but recall the way he’s made her feel for years — unheard, unappreciated, and unloved. “I feel broken,” she added. “I love this man with all my heart, but I want to be with someone who wants to touch me and love me for me.”
Commenters urged her to lean into therapy — something she confirmed she will be doing. “You don’t deserve to be treated like this,” one user wrote, “no matter how badly your husband makes you feel for vocalizing it … Tell him it’s therapy or it’s done.”
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a News & Entertainment Writer at YourTango who focuses on health & wellness, social policy, and human interest stories
