On August 28th, the Surgeon General issued an advisory on the mental health and well-being of parents. In it, Dr. Vivek Murthy described caregivers and parents as experiencing elevated stress — much higher than that of those who are not currently parenting. These elevated stress levels increase the likelihood of mental health and relational health issues which not only impacts the individual parent but also their children.
This advisory brings into the national conversation an issue that mothers and mental health providers have been noticing and discussing for quite some time. As a couples therapist, I have noticed an increased uptick in the last several years in family conflict related to stress. In 2022, the APA released The Stress in America Report, which highlighted the extreme stress that individuals and families are under. They noted that people are less hopeful about the future, more concerned about their children, and feeling physically unhealthier because of it.
What’s causing the stress?
When I talk about parenting being stressful people often respond with questions like “why is it so stressful? Parenting used to be so much harder in the “olden days”‘. And yes, in some ways that is true. We live in a world in which we have more access to food, clean drinking water, and medical care than parents did hundreds of years ago. I imagine it was certainly stressful to have small children out in the wilderness or in cities where the Bubonic Plague was running rampant. And, the type of stress people are experiencing now is different.
For one, rapid societal shifts have left many parents feeling as if they’ve got to do a job with no template. Historically people learned to parent from their parents. However millennial parents are often living much different lives than their parents in the 80s. The most significant is the amount of time that people need to spend at work. Most families can no longer live off of one income and so there is a requirement to work.
And, yet, we find that while mothers have entered the workforce their partners are not entering the home force. For mothers who work outside of the home, the majority of work inside of the home still falls to them. This is just one example of a cultural shift that has influenced the level of stress people are under.
Next, there are “world” factors that are causing increased stress — constant exposure to world turmoil, fears over the economy, and increased divisiveness and polarization.
Lastly, people don’t feel secure accessing their basic needs. Many people do not feel safe sending their children to school due to school shootings, are worried about how they will afford their groceries due to inflation, and feel concerned about rising cases of chronic diseases.
What can we do?
In The Surgeon General Advisory, Dr. Murthy encouraged policy and cultural shifts to address the universal stressors parents are experiencing. And yet, many of us can’t wait for policies to change the way we feel in our homes. This is why I wrote ‘Til Stress Do Us Part — a book designed to help people understand what they can do now because their families can’t wait for later.
