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In dealing with stressful situations in life it is often helpful to keep things in perspective. For example:
- Teenagers who are worried about poor test performances can feel calmer once they realize that one bad grade will not affect their future college potential.
- Lessons learned from a stinging failure as a business owner can be viewed with the perspective that they can ultimately lead to a high level of success.
- People who grieve following a loss can feel comforted with the knowledge that in time the pain of the loss likely will fade. Also, they can appreciate that as we work our way through the grief process, we can become inspired by our memories from before the loss and develop strength from commemorating the loss that allows us to undertake new ventures and creations.
In counseling, I help my patients achieve perspective in several ways.
1. Preexisting Spiritual Beliefs
Spiritual beliefs can be thought of as encompassing a feeling of being part of something larger than the self. I encourage patients who have spiritual beliefs based on their religious practice or previous life experiences to consider how they might cope with their life challenges based on their beliefs.
A well know example is when a Christian might ask, “What would Jesus do?” in a particular circumstance. Another common example is asking oneself, “What is the purpose of my challenge? What am I supposed to learn in this circumstance?”
Another way of evoking spiritual beliefs is to ponder, “What gives my life meaning?” or “How can getting up in the morning be worthwhile for me?”
2. Seeking Awe
Experiences that engender awe can give people the perspective that many of the challenges they face are of minor importance, and thus these challenges can become easier to handle or they can even to choose to let them go.
People can find awe by seeking experiences that enhance their awareness of the grandeur of the universe such as through star gazing, amazing natural phenomena that they can visit, and even creative works such as art, music, and architecture that can be seen in museums as well as during their travels.
3. Thinking About the Past
Reflections about past successes and failures in our lives can put current challenges into better perspective.
For instance, recalling a personal history of successful outcomes or overcoming an obstacle or failure can increase confidence that a current challenge can be met similarly.
I ask my patients who would a business owner rather hire: A person who has always succeeded in their business ventures, or a person who has failed on a couple of occasions but recovered well each time? My patients realize that a person who has successfully faced difficult situations will be more likely to be able to handle what comes their way, as opposed to someone who has never faced adversity.
4. Imagine Being Someone Else
A different perspective can be achieved by imagining what an older version of the patient might counsel them. Alternatively, people can imagine being counseled by a significant family member (including some that might have died), or a famous person.
For instance, an athlete might consult an imaginary version of a famous coach in their sport to receive guidance regarding how to improve their athletic performance. Or, a college student might imagine what their grandparent would advise regarding a career choice.
5. Interactions with the Subconscious
When the subconscious is established as a wise knowledgeable entity, my patients routinely gain new perspectives from their inner minds regarding problems they may face.
In my experience, the subconscious tends to give advice that is not biased by social expectations, and thus more apt to reflect what is best for the patient.
6. Are We Avatars?
The concept of avatars is familiar to many patients, even as young as preteens. I explain that when people play characters in a video game or a Dungeons & Dragons campaign they are using representations, or avatars, of themselves.
With appropriate patients, who are open to discussing spiritual matters, I discuss the possibility that as humans we are avatars for our souls. In this scenario, our souls are separate from our minds and bodies, and function by working through them.
By thinking of ourselves as representing our souls’ point of view, we can look at challenges faced by the mind and body in a different light. For instance, we can recognize that our souls may have experienced and successfully dealt with such challenges in the past, which can give us confidence that our minds and bodies will be able to deal with similar challenges at this time.
7. Reading
By reading both non-fiction and fiction people can learn about different perspectives from contemporary and historical literature. Such perspectives can help readers step into the shoes of different characters who may be dealing with challenges similar to their own, and learn about possible solutions that were employed in the literature.
8. Stories from My Experiences
Finally, with some patients I share some of my own experiences that led to a change in my perspective regarding how life works and how we can help ourselves to become our best versions.
I have detailed many of these experiences in previous Psychology Today Online blogs.
For instance:
- An interaction with one patient taught me that we can meet people throughout our lives that help guide us in the correct direction.
- An interaction with another patient convinced me that we can tap into a source of information outside of ourselves when he saw Hebrew in his imagination, which he had never studied, and yet I could interpret (as a native Hebrew speaker).
- When I have spoken to the subconscious of many patients, I have been told that the main purpose of life is to help each other.
Some of my patients have used my observations to help them look differently at their own lives.
Takeaway
Learning to achieve and maintain perspective can help people cope better with life challenges.
