Eating disorders are characterized by disconnection from self and others (Tantillo et al., 2013). For example, in the early stages of treatment, young people often exhibit sullenness and resistance to getting help. Or they may appear scared, compliant, and concerned about their parents’ growing distress about their illness. In both scenarios, malnutrition-induced neurological challenges exacerbate the disconnection and isolation these young people feel. As they become more immersed in their symptoms, they become unplugged from their families, friends, and themselves.
This disconnection significantly influences the dynamic between parents and children grappling with eating disorders. Eating disorders often give youth a false sense of self-sufficiency, as their fear of weight gain leads them to feel at odds with well-meaning adults promoting healthier eating. Shrouded in secrecy, the disorder pushes young people to protect their unhealthy weight loss efforts, further distancing them from supportive adults.
Source: RDNE / Pexels
The fixation on weight loss, fear of gaining weight, and body dissatisfaction obscure the true aspects of a young person’s identity that are essential for self-development. The eating disorder becomes a sanctuary, protecting them from difficult social interactions and obstructing their ability to form empathetic connections. Eating disorders distort the perception of social and emotional signals, making it challenging to build and maintain relationships.
Consider a girl trying to shift from one friend group to another, a socially complex challenge. For a girl with an eating disorder, this process becomes even more difficult as she struggles with deep insecurities about her body and social interactions. This raises a critical question: “How can she find the confidence to navigate this transition when her eating disorder is steadily undermining her self-perception, self-esteem, and relationships?”
A common example of disconnection from parents occurs when parents, having tried their best to protect their daughters from media-driven body dissatisfaction by promoting body acceptance and balanced eating, find that their daughters outwardly embrace these ideals. Yet, paradoxically, the daughters secretly struggle with the very eating disorder their parents worked to prevent.
An example of this is when a young woman expresses concern about a friend’s disordered eating, such as skipping lunch. While this may appear to reflect her support for eating disorder prevention, it could be masking her own hidden struggles. This contradiction can be difficult for parents as they experience a growing disconnection from their daughters. Outward advocacy for eating disorder prevention can obscure underlying symptoms, causing warning signs to go unnoticed until more evident behaviors emerge, like significant weight loss, skipped meals, restricted food intake, or purging.
Source: Polina / Pexels
An essential goal in treatment (Tantillo et al., 2013; Tantillo et al., 2020) is to nurture a connection with oneself and others; achieving this can be approached through core strategies based on relational-cultural theory (Jordan, 2011). In family treatment, a particular goal entails guiding young people towards self-connection by aiding them in recognizing and expressing their complete range of emotional experiences—experiences that are often dulled by the influence of the eating disorder.
The development of both intra-personal and interpersonal connections is strengthened as family members validate each other’s emotions and learn to manage them together. This creates a more supportive therapeutic environment while nurturing essential connections with self and others, which is crucial in recovery.
Cultivating empathy between parents and children forms a healing and supportive relationship. As compassionate family bonds deepen, a shared sense of mutuality emerges, fostering a restorative connection with oneself and others for the young person navigating an eating disorder.
