If there’s one thing no working mom wants to come home to, it’s a mess to clean. When both parents work full-time, it can be challenging to balance household chores, as both individuals are likely drained and exhausted from working and taking care of the kids.
Mom of five, Lynalice Bandy, shared a video of what her house looked like after working six consecutive 10-hour shifts and leaving her “soon-to-be-ex-husband” in charge.
The mom filmed a time-lapse video of her cleaning up after her husband and kids on her day off.
While many parents in healthy relationships who have to work overtime often come home to a spotless house and even dinner because of their considerate and supportive partners, this was not the case for Bandy. “I’ve worked six ten-hour days in a row with only one day off being a sick day,” Bandy wrote in her montage video as she revealed her disastrous bedroom, dining room, living room, and kitchen.
“I’d like to pretend I’m not the only person who cleans here, but as you can see, these rooms don’t get much attention when I’m not here.” After working a 60-hour week, Bandy filmed herself having to deep clean the cluttered floors and counters of her home on her day off despite likely being exhausted. She claimed her husband was too occupied with other hobbies to clean up after their kids.
Bandy began with her bedroom, replacing her bed sheets and gathering dirty laundry that was scattered everywhere. After sweeping up the mess of miscellaneous items dispersed on the carpet floor, she and one of her kids began sorting through the pile. Once that was done, she vacuumed and proceeded to the next room.
“My soon-to-be-ex-husband claimed he couldn’t watch the kids while he was focusing on homework,” Bandy wrote. “Now that school is out for break, he doesn’t have that excuse anymore.”
Bandy revealed that she came home to more than just a messy house — she was also confronted with various forms of chaos and disorder.
“Every single day after I’ve gotten home from work, I’ve been met with one disaster or another caused by inattentive parenting,” Bandy wrote.
However, research indicates that it’s not just inattentive parenting that has Bandy feeling out of sorts. A 2011 study found that the number one cause of stress for married women was having husbands who didn’t pull their weight when it came to household chores. In Bandy’s case, this wasn’t just an uneven distribution of responsibilities — her husband flat-out didn’t do anything.
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His negligence created disasters in the home, including carpets stained with nail polish and medications that her kids got into and “destroyed.” She came home to find out her kids had used scissors to cut their own hair, their down comforter, the mattress cover, and the furniture covers.
Bandy did not blame her kids for their messy behavior; rather, she recognized that leaving five kids essentially unattended was bound to result in a disaster.
Kids are messy, and messes are bound to happen. However, parents should make sure they are doing their part to relieve the workload of cleaning up after their kids while their partners are working. The only individual that she could blame was the single adult in the house, their own dad, who didn’t seem to understand his responsibility of looking after his kids and cleaning up their messes.
“All of his attention has been focused on the four vehicles in our driveway that he wants to work on continuously,” Bandy wrote. “His obsession has hit an all-time high and he’s even brought car parts into the dining room and left oil everywhere.” Bandy continued cleaning each room of her house, one room at a time. Her kids occasionally pitched in and helped, but her husband did not appear to offer any assistance.
“I wish so much that the housing economy wasn’t what it was here and I could afford to move out,” she expressed as she wiped down her kitchen counters and washed their pile of dishes. “My soul aches without a place to feel safe and happy.” At the end of her video, Bandy revealed what each room looked like after she finished cleaning, and the difference was remarkable.
Bandy’s absence revealed just how essential she is to her family, but it also revealed how unessential her husband was.
Her husband’s lack of support during a time when she needed him most exposed his weaponized incompetence and affirmed she is a married, single mom. She realized her husband was only adding additional stress and pressure to their family and she would be better off on her own, ultimately resulting in her decision to divorce him. As painful and difficult as this decision likely was for her, she knew leaving her husband and choosing her peace was in her best interest.
It’s OK for parents to embrace independent hobbies and activities in their free time, but as adults and parents, they must know how to balance their desires with their responsibilities. Bandy’s husband seemed comfortable leaving his wife responsible for their kids’ disasters, and she deserves better.
Being in a healthy marriage means being willing to make sacrifices and compromises for your partner. It means speaking their love language and staying mindful of their needs so they know they can feel safe and secure. Based on Bandy’s experience, her husband did not seem to embody these essential qualities, or at least he doesn’t anymore.
Sometimes, parents grow apart and eventually rekindle their love for each other, but other times, the connection and support aren’t there anymore, and you can only do so much until trying to make it work is weighing you down and keeping you from finding the peace you truly deserve.
Women should not be constantly expected to take on domestic and emotional labor in addition to their work responsibilities simply because their husbands don’t want to help. Parenting and managing household responsibilities as a married couple is a two-person job, and tasks should always be fairly distributed.
Francesca Duarte is a writer on YourTango’s news and entertainment team based in Orlando, FL. She covers lifestyle, human-interest, adventure, and spirituality topics.
