It’s a blow to the heart when it feels like your husband hasn’t appreciated you lately. After all, you do so much for him. If you’re like most, your first instinct is to march straight to him and scream.
But before you get ahead of yourself, there are other solutions to take into consideration if you want to remind your husband how lucky he is to have you.
Here are 10 subtle ways to make your husband realize how good he has it with you
1. Don’t give into his every demand
Cast Of Thousands | Shutterstock
When you feel neglected as a wife, it’s important to get your priorities straight. That means don’t give into your husband’s every little demand; be sure to put your own needs first. If your husband isn’t appreciating you, you don’t owe it to him to fulfill every little request, especially if he isn’t fulfilling your emotional needs.
Studies have shown that perceiving our relational value as low or in jeopardy can lead to feelings of hurt, jealousy, loneliness, shame, embarrassment, and even social anxiety. So, feeling like we aren’t important can lead to experiencing negative emotions.
If your husband is taking you for granted, start giving less. If you don’t feel comfortable doing something, don’t. Now, that doesn’t mean denying them everything, but rather, putting in less effort.
Studies show that effort is associated with high satisfaction in marriage. When we stop putting in less effort, this signals to our partner that something is wrong, allowing them to fix their behavior.
2. Show appreciation during moments you’re respected
SHVETS production | Pexels
If your partner is taking you for granted, keep your responses in check. Only show appreciation during the moments you are respected. Don’t give praise for the moments your partner shows no effort. Only acknowledge the moments that matter most.
According to research, expressing gratitude is great for personal and relational well-being. But that’s not all, because one study found that positive feedback makes someone more likely to engage in said behavior. That’s why it’s so important to give praise to behavior that you want to see repeated.
3. Go out with friends more often
phtopro | Shutterstock
Just because your husband doesn’t realize your worth, doesn’t mean your life is over. If you aren’t receiving the support you need, you can always turn to your friends for help. Remember, our friends are there to support us through those hard times. They are supposed to be the ones who light up our world.
If you’ve been feeling down lately with nowhere to go, try spending quality time outside your home. Schedule a girl’s night and let loose. Have fun and blast your favorite music. Go out to the store and pick up a new book. The whole point is to have fun in order to show your husband just how good they have it.
After all, studies have shown that social fun leads to positive outcomes, and another study determined that creating experiences leads to greater happiness than materialistic possessions can provide.
4. Be honest with yourself
eldar nurkovic | Shutterstock
When your marriage hits a rough bump, you need to ask yourself an important question: Are you being honest with yourself? Is your husband purposely not showing you love, or can you simply not see it?
Everyone has their own love language, their own way of expressing their adoration. For some, it’s quality time spent with their partner. For others, it’s showering their partner with expensive gifts. But before you jump to conclusions, be sure that it’s not all in your head.
It’s always recommended to sit down and have a conversation with your partner, to discuss your emotional needs. If you can get on the same page about that, you will see better results in your marriage.
As research suggests, people who meet their partner’s love language experience greater relationship and intimacy satisfaction. And that’s a win for keeping your marriage solid, and helping your husband realize all the benefits of being with you.
5. Focus on your own well-being
fizkes | Shutterstock
If your husband can’t see your worth, the best solution is to focus on yourself. You can’t force him to care, nor should you beg for it. Instead, the best way to demonstrate your value is by recognizing it in yourself.
Research has shown that having more self-compassion and self-esteem leads to overall well-being, greater resilience, and psychological intervention. So, spend less time focusing on him and more time focusing on yourself. Go to the gym, work on your relationships with others, or focus on hobbies you once enjoyed.
Slowly, your husband will see that your attention is elsewhere, which can open the door to more conversation. And soon, he will realize how good he has it.
6. Speak to him about your concerns
Monkey Business Images | Shutterstock
When in doubt, always tell your husband what’s on your mind. Understandably this can be a little intimidating. After all, you don’t want to offend him. But opening up about your concerns is the best way to create a healthier relationship.
According to the licensed couples counselor Kari Rusnak, “Opening yourself to your partner shows and builds trust, and helps them understand you on a deeper level.” Rusnak adds that the best way to build trust is through allowing them to earn that trust.
Open up to your partner and give them the chance to fix their behavior. It might take some time and they’ll certainly mess up at points, but as long as they’re showing consistent effort, that’s what matters most.
7. Create healthy boundaries
Zmaster | Shutterstock
In any relationship, creating healthy boundaries is essential. You never want to get into a relationship without protecting yourself, because a lack of boundaries is the first step to getting taken advantage of.
If you want your husband to realize how good he’s got it, it’s important to set those hard lines, to say, “I’m not doing this,” or, “I refuse to be spoken to this way.” But setting boundaries includes enforcing boundaries; it means saying, “I will have to do this if you infringe upon the boundaries I placed.”
And when creating boundaries, it’s more than just what you refuse to do. Rather, it’s refusing to compromise your comfort or morals. Will your husband like this? Probably not. But when you create those lines and put up those defenses, it will help him realize the importance of your marriage, and he will appreciate you all the more for it.
8. Remain calm
Tirachard Kumtanom | Pexels
Husbands expect their wives to visibly react when they’re upset, angry, or feeling neglected. That’s why it’s terrifying when they receive no reaction at all.
If you’re a wife and you’ve exhausted all other options, and you’ve tried to communicate multiple times, the next logical step is to fall back. Don’t get angry or upset, and show restraint. Be disciplined in your reactions and don’t allow yourself to be overcome with emotion.
Research says that our emotions heavily influence the way we think and resolve issues. So, keep a cool head and distance yourself. Allow yourself the space and time to reflect and figure out what to do next.
9. Get dolled up and have fun
NDAB Creativity | Shutterstock
Sometimes, marriages grow stale, and if you’ve been married for a while, you likely know this feeling all too well: the feeling of being bored or underappreciated. But this isn’t always intentional. We can all fall victim to our daily life, forgetting to put in effort when it counts. And that’s okay, because we can always try.
If you want your husband to realize how good he has it, it’s best to remind him of the past. Suggest going out to an old restaurant where you had your first date, or do something fun you both once enjoyed doing.
Have fun with it and get dolled up for the occasion. Make it a positive moment and try not to let your current fears ruin your quality time together. Then, suggest making this date a routine. Try scheduling similar dates every two weeks to keep things fresh and improve your relationship.
10. Focus on moving forward
PeopleImages.com – Yuri A | Shutterstock
To make your husband realize how great your relationship is and could become, focus on moving forward in your relationship. If you’ve had that discussion, find ways to cater to each other’s needs.
Let’s say you feel like he isn’t showing enough appreciation. Brainstorm ways that he can show it better. Maybe he’s feeling undervalued, so find ways to move forward together and create a solution.
The important thing is to focus on your future feelings, not your present feelings. As studies suggest, focusing on how you can feel in the future impacts your willingness to forgive and compromise.
So, figure out a solution together and think positively. Choose to think about those happy moments in the future. Who knows? Your marriage might just improve because of it.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor’s in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.
