This is part four of a five-part series.
Leaders routinely repress or defer their own needs, desires, goals, or emotions in service of others, which is called self-control. While many leaders are aware of the need to exhibit self-control in leadership, they often don’t consider the impacts. Leaders suppressing their own needs and goals can come at a cost to their energy. Additionally, leaders can overuse self-control restrictions, which is even more exhausting and unnecessary.
In a recent study, I uncovered the top five drains to a CEO’s energy, which apply to all leaders. Through a series of five posts, I’m exploring what’s behind each drain and how leaders can overcome them to lead at their best.
The three previous posts focused on:
- Leaders feeling a loss of control over their day and schedule
- The drain of emotional labor in leadership
- Dealing with the impact of others’ negative and unproductive mindsets
This fourth post centers on the energy drain of repressing or differing their own needs and how leaders can approach handling the drain of self-control.
There are significant benefits to leaders exhibiting self-control through orienting to serving others. Examples include engaging in more ethical leadership behaviors, being more responsive to others, making better organizational decisions, and having more interpersonal success, with less focus on power or self-centered goals.
Common consequences that are linked to lower self-control at work include increased unethical or deviant behavior, decreased prosocial behavior, reduced job performance, and negative leadership styles.
However, not all self-control behaviors are useful in leadership. It’s important to distinguish between productive versus unproductive aspects of self-control.
Examples of productive displays of self-control include:
- Putting their team’s needs first by investing their energy resources to empower or develop them
- Withholding information that’s confidential or could create uncertainty for their team
- Regulating thoughts and taking actions to benefit the community and the greater good
- Being accommodating to others, such as adjusting their leadership style for the audience
Examples of unproductive displays of self-control include:
- Sacrificing all of themselves in service of others without serving themselves
- Not prioritizing their well-being, considering it completely separate from leadership
- Not creating a schedule that allows them to care for their basic needs and physical health
How to Approach Handling the Drain of Leader Self-Control
Leaders can learn how to exhibit self-control productively in service of others instead of unnecessarily, which further depletes their energy resources.
1. Minimize unnecessary displays of self-control.
When leaders over-flex self-control, they tend to operate with unnecessary restrictions. This could show up as not eating real food or drinking water, sitting all day, not blocking time on their calendar, or not caring for themselves and their well-being. These restrictions are not only avoidable, but they are also completely depleting.
Leaders who are drained don’t have the capacity to actually positively serve others. Alternatively, when leaders prioritize their well-being, they serve others from a place of abundance. To shift, leaders must embrace the mindset that well-being is foundational to operating at their peak leadership performance.
Consider what restrictions you have throughout your work day. Are they necessary?
2. Recognize that useful self-control is a requirement of leadership.
Build awareness that there are aspects of leadership where leaders cannot put their needs ahead of the team or organization, as referenced in the examples of productive self-control. In these cases, recognize that you will be using your energy to optimize the needs of the team and organization. Understand that exhibiting beneficial self-control behaviors is part of day-to-day leadership and takes energy.
Self-Control Essential Reads
3. Promote your physical well-being at work.
One of the first compromises leaders make to meet the demands of leadership is to deprioritize their physical well-being. However, this is an ineffective form of self-control. Sitting all day without opportunities to move, eat, or drink is depleting and lowers productivity.
Instead, when leaders foster their physical well-being at work by incorporating movement and refueling with nutritious food and water, it boosts their energy to effectively handle the challenges of leadership.
Tactics to cultivate physical well-being at work include:
- Intentionally create space in your day by blocking time on your calendar
- Develop the right plan and structure for your schedule to refuel you
- Include breaks in between meetings so everyone can care for their physical health
- Schedule walking meetings multiple times a week as a way to incorporate movement
4. Serve yourself outside of work.
Acknowledge that as leaders, you won’t get all your needs met at work. Therefore, it’s essential to serve yourself outside of work. Make sure you have regular opportunities to refill your energy from this leadership drain by focusing on your needs and goals.
Cultivating your well-being is how you get your main source of vitality, giving you an abundance of energy. With vital leadership, leaders can replenish their energy to have the inner physical, psychological, emotional, and spiritual resources to meet the demands of leadership.
Reflection:
- How could you minimize the unnecessary aspects of self-control?
- How could you exhibit the beneficial aspects of self-control in service of others?
- What’s one new way you could serve yourself in the next week?
Exhibiting self-control in service of others takes a toll on a leader’s energy. By becoming aware of this energy drain, leaders can learn how to focus on the beneficial displays of self-control and replenish their energy. Leaders can reframe their mindset around serving others: to truly serve others requires they serve themselves first by caring for their well-being. This results in leaders having the energy resources to lead at their best without depleting themselves.
