Have you ever felt as if you were on a carousel that spins you into the same social dilemmas over and over? Perhaps you find yourself blamed or trampled on by others. On the contrary, maybe you are repeatedly flying in to help with other people’s crises. If so, you might be getting caught in the drama triangle.
What Is the Drama Triangle?
The term “drama triangle” was coined by psychiatrist Dr. Steven Karpman to describe patterns of interpersonal chaos individuals often find themselves in (Karpman, 1968). Since its origin, the drama triangle has been utilized in family therapy (L’labate, 2009), by sociologists to conceptualize violence (Lac and Donaldson, 2022), and in countless other applications with psychology circles.
Within the drama triangle, we find ourselves boxed into oversimplified roles that do not capture the fullness of a person. Within families and organizations, it’s common to see the same characters in the same spots, and even outside these systems, individuals might repeatedly end up on the triangle, usually repeating parallel cycles.
What does this look like?
There are three roles in Karpman’s drama triangle: the victim, the persecutor, and the rescuer.
Victim Stance
A victim’s stance is the most well-known role of the drama triangle. When in the victim space on the triangle, a person is framed as a helpless person at the whim of cruel outside forces or individuals. It is critical to note here that there are situations where individuals truly are dependent. For example, the victim stance would never be an appropriate label for someone experiencing child abuse as children truly are at a compromised level of power over what happens in their lives.
The challenge with the victim’s stance is that it removes the possibility of self-recovery. Instead, the person might long for someone to save them. Someone caught in the victim’s trap might tell story after story of oppression with no sense of recourse or potential for change without significant outside intervention.
Empowerment Over Victimhood
Untangling from a victim’s role involves a strong dose of empowerment. Often those who find themselves in the victim’s role have experienced some level of genuine trauma. Liberation from a victim’s role can mean the possibility of healing, self-agency, and escape from future painful situations.
Outside help such as through psychotherapy may be necessary. Still, even in psychotherapy, the psychotherapist is not there to rescue a victim but to honor their story and to accompany them as they try out their wings once again.
Rescuer Role
Someone bound to a rescuer role might share the strife of others reaching out to them only to solve their problems. They may bounce from crisis to crisis trying to assist individuals who have taken a victim’s stance. In the short term, there is a reward for helping others and a burst of power that follows.
While it is admirable to want to help others, the rescuer’s role can be just as problematic as that of the victim. A rescuer might feel dependent on situations where they can save others to feel like a worthwhile person. In addition, when someone continuously swoops in to rescue a person in the victim’s role, the person in the victim’s place loses bits of their self-agency.
Belonging Beyond Helping
The key to recovery from a rescuer’s role is to lean back on one’s core reasons for wanting to be of help. Often, there is some need for belonging coupled with compassion. A reflection on productive ways to enact these values is meaningful.
Often, rescuers also carry some hidden insecurities. Working through those can lead to higher-quality relationships. Psychotherapy is a place that can be exceptionally helpful here.
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Persecutor Position
Persecutors are the ones who find themselves repeatedly blamed for things. A person in a persecutor role may have been a scapegoat in their family of origin. Most people find it unsettling to be demonized by others and so the persecutor’s position can be particularly tricky in this way. Those framed as persecutors by others often view themselves as victims.
More Than an Enemy
Relief from a persecutor’s role means reflecting on what truly matters to you. In some situations, this means doing the difficult work of accepting actions they have done to harm others and making amends to change. For example, if you have been charged with domestic violence, it may be true that you are more than your actions then, and it can also be true that violence is not something that you want to continue in your life.
For some in a persecutor’s position, the blame is at least partially unwarranted. Sometimes families place one person to blame for all the problems in the family whether or not that is rational. Conversations might need to happen, ideally moderated by a compassionate other. Family therapy can offer a safe place where these discussions can sometimes take place. When the cycle has become particularly problematic, the person placed in this position might need to remove themself from the relationship for some time for their well-being. Being devalued by others can wreak massive havoc on a person’s sense of self, self-worth, and mental health.
Closing
We all are more than victims, persecutors, and rescuers. For individuals trapped in the drama triangle, there is hope.
