My partner and I are very lucky in that we don’t have to spend significant time away from one another. What’s more, we don’t want to. But when we do spend extended time apart, it makes me think about all the things I miss when she’s not around.
I’ve come to realize I don’t just miss the following nine characteristics, I simply couldn’t do without having them in my life. While at first, they may seem specific to us, most people in happy, healthy relationships bring them to the table in their own ways.
Here are 7 adorable personality traits men can’t resist, according to psychology:
1. Compassion
My partner always considers the other person’s perspective. She’s not just tolerant, she legitimately makes an effort to understand a situation or an issue from someone else’s point of view. And for her, it doesn’t require effort — it’s her default.
I have absorbed some of her compassion (not as much as I would like; some people make it hard for me to be understanding). As a result, our inevitable arguments are brief and constructive. We don’t hold grudges, and we always meet each other in the middle after we make an effort to see where the other is coming from.
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2. Patience
Since I’m not perfect, I do stupid things sometimes. I’ll leave the toilet seat up, I’ll drink milk right out of the carton, and I’ll leave the door wide open in the middle of winter while I run outside to get something.
My partner takes it all in stride. Sure, she nudges me when I do something dumb, but she doesn’t go bald-phase Britney Spears on me. And you know what? That’s awesome. Her patience just makes me want to fix whatever it is that needs fixing.
3. Feminism
She’s a feminist. I’m a feminist. We aren’t a couple, we’re partners in crime, and it’s the best. I was regrettably in a few more traditional relationships in the past, and it was exhausting.
With my partner, I don’t have to “man up,” or be a slave to pride. Instead, I can ask for her help, I can vacuum and dust instead of dealing with gross stuff, and I can be me instead of some faux, hyper-masculine version of myself.
4. Emotional support
I suffer from generalized anxiety disorder, something 19% of the American population has according to statistics, which means that there are times when I need a little more emotional support than the average person. My partner graciously provides it.
She knew very little about GAD before we started dating, but not only has she learned to help me when things are bad, she’s become the American Ninja Warrior of panic attacks. When I’m not unreasonably cowering in fear, I try to provide as much emotional support to her as I can as a way of saying, “Hey thanks for having my back, partner.”
5. Positivity
I’ve lost count of how many times people have told my partner that she ought to be a motivational speaker. Even when things are total garbage, she makes an effort to see a silver lining. Just the other day we were playing a board game with friends and my buddy Zach died or failed a roll of the dice or something. My partner, being completely genuine, said, “It’s okay Zach, you did a really good job.”
Absolutely nothing escapes her vortex of positivity, and that’s gotten us through some tough times. When things are Jem-and-the-Holograms-the-movie-bad, I try to imagine what my partner would do. A positive attitude has been linked in studies to better mental health, higher self-esteem, and even a healthier life.
6. Practicality and logic
I tend to fly by the seat of my pants. I dive in headfirst, hope for the best, and adjust if I need to. This can be an awesome way to live, but sometimes my freewheeling can get me in trouble.
My partner is the complete opposite: she is a planner, a think-before-you-talker, and a rule follower. We tend to balance each other out in this regard — she has become more spontaneous and adaptable, and I’ve become more methodical and contemplative.
7. Encouraging attitude
She makes me feel like my wins are her wins too, and that’s a real motivator for me. She’s always saying that she’s proud of me, and I try to do the same for her.
One of the reasons our relationship is strong is that we’re invested in each other’s accomplishments, professionally and personally. If I had to choose what on this list I would miss the most, my partner’s encouragement would be it.
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