Many moms would agree that planning a child-free trip can be particularly challenging. It’s not always easy to find a babysitter, and sometimes it just seems simpler to bring the kiddos along.
But spending time with children is, understandably, not everyone’s definition of vacation. Such was the case for one woman on Reddit whose carefree girls’ weekend got derailed by her friend’s kids.
The childless woman backed out of a girls’ trip last minute after her friend revealed she was bringing her 3 kids.
In a since-deleted Reddit post, the woman explained that she planned a girls’ trip to the beach with one of her best friends. After deciding where they wanted to go, the woman said she took the initiative to plan and book the stay for the two of them, adding that they had both been feeling stressed out and needed to relax.
In the weeks leading up to the trip, the woman and her friend discussed their travel details and what they wanted to do while they were there. All seemed well until the woman got a surprising call from her friend the night before their trip.
“During the conversation, she randomly says, ‘Oh, I don’t think I told you, but my kids are coming. I forgot to tell you,’” the woman wrote.
While the Reddit poster doesn’t have any kids of her own, her best friend has three young children, one of whom is on the autism spectrum and requires extra attention and care.
“Of course, I try to be empathetic to my friends and family who do have children and have to bring them along when plans change,” the woman reasoned. “The issue is that my friend did not tell me until that night before our trip, as many times that we have talked, that she was bringing her kids.”
The woman understandably suggested they reschedule their trip for a better time when they can truly relax.
“I love her kids, but the plan was to have a carefree weekend to ourselves and to do adult things, which we couldn’t do if she had to be responsible and keep a close eye on her kids the whole time,” the woman expressed. “And more than likely, I would be inclined to help because I don’t want to see her stressed.”
iona didishvili | Shutterstock
After their conversation, the woman decided she didn’t want to go on the trip now that it wouldn’t be what she expected.
“I decided I didn’t want to,” she confirmed. “The trip would essentially be a kids’ trip because everything would revolve around them, and that’s not what was planned.”
The woman called her friend back to suggest they postpone the trip. “I presented it as if I wanted her to be stress-free and actually have fun without worrying about her kids,” she explained.
She sensed that her friend was disappointed and upset about her decision, but she stated she also felt taken aback by her friend’s last-minute revelation.
“When she finally [told me], I felt like I couldn’t say no because it was last minute,” she said. “And to be honest, I wanted to have fun with my friend, but I didn’t sign up to help babysit.”
Research has found that parents and their childfree friends have to work extra hard to maintain their relationships.
A study from 2017, out of the Netherlands actually found that parents and their childfree friends more often than not have a falling out during the toddler years.
Researchers found that the strength of friendships “typically decreases after people become parents” and that most of the quality degradation occurs around when the child is 3 because that’s when kids require the most attention and care.
Sure, it sounds like bad news at first, but thankfully, the study uncovered a silver lining. More often than not, those broken friendships are rekindled as the kids get older!
Reddit users agreed that the woman was justified in canceling the trip and sticking to her firm boundaries.
Some commenters theorized that the mom purposely waited until the last minute to let her friend know she would be bringing her kids, while others insisted it was likely a sudden change of plans. Regardless of the circumstance, it was unfair for the mom to assume her friend would be OK with setting aside their much-needed girl time and helping her look after her kids.
“She was trying to shift the responsibility onto you,” one user commented on the post. “It’s great you set a boundary and stood firm. Your plans and expectations are valid, and you deserve a trip as you envisioned.”
“Her babysitter bailed, or she assumed someone would babysit and didn’t ask till the last minute and got denied,” a second Redditor wrote. “So she sprung it on her friend, hoping she’d be too nice to say no to adding them to the trip. Kids, much less young kids, much less special needs kids, change everything about a vacation.”
Tomsickova Tatyana | Shutterstock
“Next time, I’d be sure to mention you want it kid-free,” another commenter advised. “I have kids; my friends have kids. When I do girl’s days, I specify it’s kid-free. Setting expectations from the beginning helps.”
Whether the mom intentionally waited until the night before the trip to tell her friend or she genuinely had a sitter cancel on her at the last minute, the woman was reasonable in her decision to back out of the trip.
As she pointed out, she might have felt differently had the mom mentioned she was planning to bring her kids from the start. But she was likely looking forward to a getaway with her best friend, and babysitting was not on the itinerary.
Francesca Duarte is a writer on YourTango’s news and entertainment team based in Orlando, FL. She covers lifestyle, human-interest, adventure, and spirituality topics.
