Mora didn’t know why, but she always became very uneasy around her boss. He always seemed kind and respectful, but she felt her muscles tighten into that fight-or-flight state every time he entered her office.
Through therapy, she was able to identify that she felt this way around anyone in a position of authority. “My landlord, senior employees, the police… anyone who may have power over me,” she reflects.
Growing up in a highly authoritarian household, Mora and her siblings had strict expectations for behavior. “If we made a mistake, we were punished—often physically,” she remembers. Her father only paid attention to his children when they were in trouble, and her mother spent her days making sure that everyone stayed out of her father’s way. This created a sense of fear in her whenever he would appear, whether he was angry or not.
Even in adulthood, she could not shake that feeling of fear, especially around those in authority. “I just get nervous and struggle to talk! I know I must seem like I am trying to get out of trouble when I haven’t even done anything!” Mora claims. Her experiences of trauma had left her with a deep-seated fear of authority.
Source: Anemone123 / Pixabay
Adverse childhood experiences, ranging from physical or emotional abuse to neglect or witnessing violence, can have long-lasting effects on survivors well into adulthood. As a therapist who works with survivors of traumatic families, I often find that these experiences manifest in deep-seated fears and anxieties surrounding authority figures. Many of my clients express nervousness and unexplained uncertainty around bosses, police, landlords, professors, or even bank tellers.
One of the primary mechanisms through which childhood trauma influences our relationship with authority is through the lens of trust. For children, authority figures such as parents, teachers, or other adult caregivers serve as the primary sources of support, guidance, and safety. However, when these adults are abusive, neglectful, or otherwise traumatic, our very foundation of trust is shattered. As a result, survivors may develop an inherent distrust or fear of authority figures, viewing them as potential threats rather than sources of protection.
As a result of this effect on the ability to trust, the power dynamics inherent in relationships with authority figures can exacerbate feelings of vulnerability and helplessness. Authority figures often wield significant influence and control over various aspects of a person’s life, whether it be in the family, school, or community settings. For those who have experienced trauma at the hands of authority figures, this imbalance of power can evoke feelings of powerlessness and trigger intense fear responses as they navigate interactions with figures of authority in adulthood.
Due to trauma’s impact on the brain, including the development of our sense of self, these experiences influence not only how we perceive authority figures but also how we perceive ourselves in relation to authority. Like Mora, survivors may develop feelings of inferiority, unworthiness, or inadequacy, and may feel like they are in trouble even if they have not done anything to justify this feeling of panic. Many of my colleagues have reported feeling uneasy around those in authority in medical settings, such as doctors or administrators. For some, this perpetuates a cycle of avoidance in response to perceived threats, leading them to avoid certain interactions that may set off this panic response.
So, what can you do?
If you find that your fear of authority is causing emotional distress or even avoidance, here are a few steps to get you started:
- Recognize the fear: Start by admitting to yourself how you feel in the presence of authority. Sometimes there is shame involved in this process, so acknowledging can be difficult and may take some practice. Start by noticing your body’s changes: Do you notice your jaw tightening, your muscles stiffening, or your heart quickening? Take inventory of your body’s responses without shaming or casting judgment.
- Remind yourself that you are safe: I often tell my clients to say to themselves some variation of the following: “I am not in trouble.” “I am an adult, and I now have the tools needed to easily navigate this situation,” or “Even if I am in trouble at work or my boss is displeased with me, it is not a life-or-death situation.” While it may seem silly initially, saying these things to yourself can remind you that you are no longer a powerless child at the mercy of an angry adult.
- Remember to breathe: And unclench your jaw.
