Very few things are as confusing as the link between what we think is beautiful, our self-image, and our sensuality. What each of us perceives as beautiful or attractive is as varied as what we might eat for dinner.
The biggest myth about finding love is there is a perfect set of rules to lead to success. And this is just not true. No one is perfect. Pretty people and plain people alike struggle to find love and no one is immune to fears about ending up alone.Â
Unfortunately, many people struggle with this and mistakenly believe a lack of love comes from their appearance — there is something on the outside missing. If they can only “fix” the mystery thing, then love will flock their way.Â
Here are 6 hazardous attitudes to get rid of to find love, according to multiple experts:
1. Men only care about women’s looks
It’s a greatly mistaken belief men are all looking to settle down with life-size Barbie dolls and don’t want anything less. The truth is most men don’t care as much as you might imagine. If a man connects with you, your body is one of the elements he’s interested in, but many others matter just as much if not more.
If you’re struggling with this belief, practice being confident in who you are and showing it through the way you present yourself.
The way you dress and how you speak about yourself can show men you see yourself as an attractive woman and confidence is infectious. According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, having a “positive body image is crucial to a woman’s happiness and wellness.”
Stay focused on thinking good thoughts about your body and watch your self-esteem, confidence, and overall outlook improve.
2. To get a man, you have to be perfect
A second myth is women think they have to look perfect for a man (ie. be all dolled up, covered in make-up, hair done, etc).
Again, not true! Men love women who can show their “water and soap” faces. It tells a man the woman is confident and is not afraid to show who she is.
This is very important when building a relationship as it shows authenticity and openness, which fosters trust and comfort around the opposite sex.
3. Men only stay with thin women
DedMityay via Shutterstock
Another pervasive myth is to keep a man, you must be uber-fit or else he’ll wander. YourTango expert Pamela Madsen, shared this about her journey to self-acceptance:
“While writing my book, I learned it was all about connecting and loving my body just as it was first. Once I was able to do that, confidence radiated from me like shooting stars. Nothing else changed but my ability to feel good in my own body. Once it happened, doors opened and held as I swished my plus-size bottom right through them.”
If weight were what kept men around, celeb women would never be left or cheated on — and we all know it’s not true.
4. You’re not pretty enough to find love
If you don’t think you’re pretty, he won’t either. It’s time to change how you feel about the way you look. Make the most of your assets and he will see you as an asset.Â
Most men will choose a confident woman over a non-confident woman, no matter how great she looks. There are few things more beautiful on a woman than confidence.
5. External beauty is the only way to get the love you want
Nothing can hold us back more from finding and keeping love than the belief that if we fix the outside we will make someone love us more.
Dr. Bart Rademaker, a board-certified plastic surgeon said, “It always makes me feel so sad when women come in hoping plastic surgery can fix their relationships or even save a marriage. And I have had women say to me as they have wheeled into the surgicenter, ‘I hope this works, I need to save my marriage.’
When I hear that, I know trouble is just around the bend. Plastic surgery can create more self-confidence, and self-esteem and can truly help a woman feel more attractive. That is where the magic lies.
Feeling more beautiful can help improve anyone’s relationships. But it can only really help a healthy relationship, plastic surgery is not a solution to fixing a relationship on the rocks.”
6. You need to be dressed to the nines at all times
Not so. If you’re going out on a date, opt for “nice-casual” attire. You don’t want to look like you’re trying too hard. Furthermore, if your outfit is the focal point of the date, the guy might feel not smitten but intimidated.
Men are looking for substance. You can put effort into looking nice for the date, but if you think a guy won’t like you because you’re wearing the wrong shoes, you might not want to date him anyway.
Again, it goes back to confidence. Women who wear it radiate strength, allure, and passion. When a woman knows who she is and what she wants out of life, she becomes magnetic.
Wiping these myths away from your thinking takes time and practice. Undoing mistaken beliefs isn’t about beating yourself up forever having thought them, it’s about replacing them with a supportive, positive understanding of yourself, your world, and what true love is all about.
YourTango is here to help you share stories of heartbreak and happy endings, of love and frustration, of doubt and discovery.
